Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

that sounds a lovely day!

Struggling over the past few days. Dads auntie has died...she must be 90 at least. It's another link to my dad that's gone, another relative that lived to their 90's whilst Dad limped to 70 and expired. He should be here sorting out things, taking mum half way up the country for the funeral, etc. I now have to get off work (which I would have been doing anyway) to get mum to the funeral.

And that's another thing...propping up the remaining parent is exhausting. Almost 6 months in and I can't keep being all things to all people. I can't get time to myself to think or deal with anything.

I want to go back in time. Just to last summer, if not a couple of decades.

Hello tillie I'm sorry for the loss of your Aunty. I suppose it has reignited feelings about your dads death. A very sad time for you,especially as six months is not a very long time in between. I actually think you need at least two years before we accept that we have lost someone close, although in saying that after the first anniversary so, eg birthdays , Xmas etc things do start to improve. I don't think we ever " get over " our loss, we just learn to live with it and get on with our lives as best that we can. There is always someone missing. I hope in time things improve for you and your mum too.
I hope your aunts funeral goes as she would wish it to.

I need to say this out loud here in case I upset anyone else.

Today is/was Dad's birthday and I'm struggling to hold it together seeing all the pictures on FB.
There are 'some' members of the family that are doing rather public outpourings of grief and remembrance and I feel guilty because that is not my way.
I don't do big, showy affection but I'm afraid that if I don't, people will talk.

Some (now ex) friends have been slagging me off saying that I don't deserve to grieve because we had a falling out a year before he died. Also that they don't get why I'm so bothered. He wasn't my real Dad anyway.

It's hard to know that people you've known for 20+ years are bitching about you for the way you deal with it.

Try and ignore everybody, although it's probably hard. It's none of their business and they have no idea what you are feeling, people don't have to tell the world. Probably a bit of competing grieving going on.
What on earth difference does it make that you had a falling out. I expect that happens in lots of families.
Glad to see that some if your " friends " are now ex friends !
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.keep your dignity and don't give them the satisfaction of replying.

I came off FB for a week or so as I felt that my wall was a bit of a stream of consciousness thing where I had lots of photos of dad on it. I started making them viewable only to me as a kind of scrapbook, then decided to give up emoting online for a while. My dads birthday is the end of this month and I'm dreading it. It's true that at these times you do find out who your friends and and who your frenemies are too. Ignore the losers, they can't claim to know how you feel or tell you the "right" way to grieve.

I actually despise facebook, or fakebook as I call it, after mum died I had to block my whole family, I couldnt bear to read the things they were posting, and 3 years later they are still blocked. Sometimes you just dont need negative and toxic thoughts in your head, life is hard enough without dealing with people who really should know better.

I'd say to anyone, unless your life is going great, kids are great, relationship is perfect and your job is wonderful, stay the hell away from facebook!! (or maybe thats just me)

Strange thing, my gd posted a birthday pic of me on her Facebook, and several people ( friends) have wished me a happy birthday and I'm not even on Facebook at all ! I must admit to not knowing how it all works. So really I don't know how they all thought I would see those messages, as it is my gd sent them on to me. Very odd. I even had one from an old friend in Australia ! I have no idea how she connected to my gd, she has never even met her. It's all a mystery to me !

thats nice mummylin, maybe fb isn't so bad after all, I'm just a bitter old bag these days!

Ooh I'm not going on it ssd. I'm happy with just this site ! And it all sounds too complicated for me !!

me too! x

Hope everyone is ok and finding some peace, especially for the newest posters.
Miserable day here and now I have a filthy cold !
For the first time one of my brothers has mentioned the fact that when my mum died there was no consultant on duty ( was the weekend ) I have thought this from the very beginning, but it has been brought up again by the strikes etc. It's very upsetting. But we will never know if it would of been a different outcome. Maybe it wouldn't of been, but you can't help wondering. They said they would put a stent in for her on Monday, this was said on Saturday. If only ----

I'm sorry mummylin, I know these thoughts must be really upsetting for you, and its something that must eat away inside of you every now and then and these strikes must bring it up again. I really feel for you

Hi everyone how are you all?

still here sm and plodding away! I went out for dinner tonight with a couple of pals so that was nice...how are you doing now?

Glad you had a good night, makes all the difference doesn't it. Feeling alright and managed to get back to doing things but have been referred for cbt so see how that goes I guess. Ds is going on a 2 night school trip in a couple of weeks which I'm rather worried about but know he will enjoy. Things with my nan are difficult she's doing really strange stuff, happy one minute and not getting up the next I think it will only be a matter of time before something dangerous happens if it carries on like this. How is everyone, keeping you busy? Anyone do anything lovely for Valentine's x

Hi all, I have a filthy cold at the moment and can't be bothered to do much for now. SM , sorry to see about your nan, what do you think is wrong ? Lovely sunny day here today, but it's freezing, I won't be going out in it ! I just hate the cold.

Ssd, my sister was due to do the flowers this past weekend, I found out last night she has gone away for a week ! I will go myself . I knew it wouldn't work out. At least if I carry on I know it's been done. I did say if she couldn't ever do it to tell me and I would go, but she didn't.

sorry girls I haven't been able to log in recently.

mummylin, we sort of knew that might happen, didn't we, not to say anything against your sister but I think we both feel the same way about things and others just feel differently, maybe not as strong as we feel and we know if something important like doing the flowers needs done then nothing will stop us as its a priority for us, but maybe not for others. I'm sorry, but my god do I know how you feel!!! And I hope your cold is getting a bit better!

sm, I'm sorry about your nan, it sounds like you need to keep a close eye on her but its difficult when you have your ds to look after, you have a lot on your plate. Its hard trying to fit it all in and still look after yourself too, I never managed that when mum was here, I just ran myself into the ground, I see that now. I'm sure your ds will love his trip, you will worry non stop about him though, be prepared for that!! I still worry and fret continuously about mine, the worries just change as they get older, they dont go away.

I hope everyone else is getting on as best as possible, and hope t875, badvoc and all the other old timers are doing a bit better.

Sorry your sister hasn't been doing the flowers, it would of took a bit of the responsibility off of you its disappointing she hasn't stuck to her word also, annoying too as if she had said she wouldn't be around x week I'm sure you wouldn't if minded. I need to find something to do for mothers day or I'll sit here sulking for the day. I'm not sure what's going on with my nan depends what mood you catch her in sometimes she is fine and others she's staying in bed, getting her coat on and off out for hours on town ( she would normally go with grandad as she's got back and muscle issues) she has been arguing with him all the time over silly things although he does this too. I am wondering if she is just bored as he can't drive much anymore they don't go out a lot but then she won't come to anything ask her too. Ds is looking forward to his trip, I need to buy him various bits for it this week. I've got a 24 hour ecg Monday/Tuesday which not looking forward to..how are you all? Anything exciting been happening over half term

sm sorry I didnt want your post to go unanswered, hut I've got a migraine just now and cant write much. hope the ecg goes as well as it can and let me know if I can help with anything for ds x PS hope mummylin is okay, she is very quiet? x

ah hope the migraine eases for you, have you got time to have a lay down in the dark. We are doing okay at the minute but ds is a fussy bugger ive bought him three pairs of slippers so far and they have been too squishy, too tight, feel weird so im opting for the ones you can just slip on and off rather than have your feet, and then some wellies or walking boots - school say wellies but i was thinking walking boots would do the same job and be useful after whereas wellies not so much.how are things with you and yours?

yep you are quiet ML, you doing alright?

am feeling much better thanks! spent all day in bed and the cupboards are bare!! TBH I'd go for the wellies, if they are in muddy water wellies are the best thing and asda do them pretty cheap, ask the other mums what their kids are taking, my ds always wanted the same as his pals. and remember him to take plastic bags as his stuff will get all muddy! hope he has a great time when he goes!

well this morning the school said they may have to cancel as not enough people have responded, do hope not ds will be really disappointed. and ive already paid £40.

How is everyone?

I have not been well at all the past few days, but glad to say I feel more like myself today, about the first time in two weeks really . Well complete turn around here and spoke to my sister about the flowers and she said she was going today, so we will see. At least I know the little bulbs that I planted are coming up now, so at least I know that the garden part will be ok whatever my sis does .
Hope you are all ok , soon be spring and better weather will hopefully be along, I hate the cold.