Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Don't tell me we had a troll on this thread ?
Fee I'm sorry you are still struggling, it's tough isn't it.
Ssd flowers been done today !

I know what you mean x

Hope everyone is ok. This weather dosent help the spirits much does it. Not raining here , but very very windy.
I hope nobody on here is affected by any flooding, I feel so sorry for everyone affected, it must be awful when your home gets flooded. Try and enjoy the weekend if you can.

Hello,
I am new to Mumsnet and not quite sure how it works. May I join this thread, or is it private? You all seem to know each other so well!

This thread is open to all , so welcome. I think it's a friendly thread because we are all in the same position. Some longer than others, but it's helpful to all of us to be able to discuss things on here, so please feel free to post whenever you want to.

Oh, thank you very much.
This is my first ever posting on Mumsnet, so please bear with me.
I am 52 years old. My mum got ill with breast cancer when I was 12, was ill on and off or about 8 years and died when I was 20. I don't think I have ever dealt with it properly.
Part of me feels 52 and grown-up, but part of me feels 12 , overwhelmed and emotionally 'scared' of life and the future. I am desperate to move on, as this has caused me enormous problems with depression and anxiety, but I also recognise that part of me is hanging on to that scared little girl whose daddy was still there taking care of everything for her (he died 17 years ago), and before my mum actually died
. I have had various bouts of counselling and medication, all of which helps, and I have a wonderfully supportive family & friends who all try their best to help, but I feel so bad dumping on them all the time and thought there might be someone out there that I could talk to, who might understand what this feels like.

Sorry, I don't want to hijack anyone else's thread - I tried starting one myself at lunchtime but have had no replies.

When I was told my mum had died I was like a little child and wanted my mum ! And I am a grandmother ! So you are not alone. I think the bonds between children and their parents is very very strong in most cases and when they are no longer here it dosent seem like you are complete anymore. You were quite young when you lost your parents, so it must of been so sad for you.
It's hard to accept that we can never see them again and it also changes our lives forever. I don't know about you, but my life can never be the same, I can never be completely happy, there is always a hole in the family group. I think that bereavement can affect you many years later, and indeed some people I'm sure can never recover at all. I can mostly think of my mum and just be sad, but other times my stomach lurches and I could sit and cry, and it's four years ago now.
Without this thread I don't honestly know how I would of coped, understanding people going through the same thing. Also now and then we have a little moan about something that others on here can relate too. Unsupporting Dh,s / partners/ family / friends all sorts really. And good things too.

Thank you Mummylin, that's very kind of you. I feel so pathetic and useless for still being 'stuck' after more than 30 years, but I do. I'm wondering about doing some bereavement counselling, as we were never offered it at the time, and we just muddled along as best we could.

You are certainly not pathetic. If you feel you want to see a counsellor then I would certainly try and do that. I don't think it matters how long ago it was, you feel as you feel ! when did you last see anyone about counselling , was it a while ago ? If there is something that you think will help you then you owe it to yourself to try it. There are a few people on here that have been to counselling, and I know that some found it very helpful.

Yes, after a lot of thought I have now decided to try some specialist bereavement counselling. - I haven't done that before. I will sign off on this thread, so thank you so much and best wishes to all.

Please drop in any time you like and I wish you the best of luck and hope the counselling goes well

Hello everyone..I think I may have posted on one of these threads before but not for a wee while..

I was just reading through the last few pages and saw what alovelycupoftea wrote..it summed up my feelings entirely..and you too mummylin I am also in my fifties and feel like I'm not complete anymore..I lost Mum in September 2012..I carry on pretty much as normal but that's far from how I feel inside. I am anxious now..never was before..I am very much a different person..I'm sure I am depressed..my sleeping is erratic and I can't bear going to bed..is this all to do with grief?
Nobody would know I feel this way..only those very close to me and there are very few of them..life feels very bleak..emotionally I'm numb ..just don't 'feel' any more..is this normal?

Hello williever I too feel like you. I will never be the same person again, things I would of found amusing, now leaves me cold.like you no-one knows what a big hole I have in my heart.its a horrible feeling isn't it. But no doubt to others we are much the same as before. No- has ever asked how I feel. Etc. So I just get on with things and moan on here ! Of course I'm not like it all the time, but I do miss mum every single day.yesterday my aunt came round ( mums sister)and I found myself trying to get a glimpse of my mum in her as they are very similar

Hi mummylin..I thought I was going mad to be honest ..I just feel so different..like you, to all intents and purposes people think I'm just me, I'm sure that's what I portray anyway. People stop asking how you are very soon after, I guess Ive been guilty of that too.
I miss mum every day.. Her humour..wit and wisdom..I've never yet met anyone to match her personality, to me she was unique. I hear people say they could never live with their parents..I could have walked straight back into it with no qualms at all.. We got on that well..so you see she was my very best friend too..thanks for sharing your thoughts mummylin..I take great comfort from the support x

I'm 52 this year. My mum died in August 2013. It was and still is the biggest loss i have ever experienced. I miss her so much. I would give anything, anything to see her again, talk to her, hold her hand, I loved her so much, so very much she was my world. I can't remember her voice, how weird is that!! I met someone about a year after she died, we are getting married this year. I know I shall miss her so much on my wedding day. One of the best things I was ever told after she died was "take little steps"...but don't stop moving.

janey, congratulations on getting married.

I feel exactly the same as you girls, no one has a clue how I feel and I miss my parents everyday, and just feel a huge emptiness without them. I thought I was weird as well.

I do think that others lose interest after a while , so it's not easy to bring it up with people. So we just keep things to ourselves and feel hurt that no -one mentions it anymore !
But I also think it's not until you lose your own mum / dad that you actually realise how awful it is and the impact it has on your life. Your not going mad Willi your grieving still.

very well said mummylin x

Hi ssd hope you are ok and just getting through as you always have done. You may not think so, but in view of what you have had to put up with, you are a strong person
janey I am sorry you lost your mum, but happy to see that for you life is getting better in respect of your forthcoming wedding. I am sure she would of been happy and proud about this.
Hopefully your new Dh will be able to give you the support and love ( which I'm sure he has already ) fir you to be able to move forward.
Have a lovely wedding day, when is it ?

thanks mummylin, this thread is such a lifeline, isn't it x

Thanks Mummylin, it's 28 May this year (and he is a she). My mum never knew I was gay, I was single for decades, she was my main "companion", so to speak. I am pretty damn sure she would be delighted actually, she was a very generously spirited woman. I plan to have her photo on the table with my wedding cake.

Makes no difference which sex your partner is ! I still hope you have a wonderful day. That will be a lovely touch to have a photo of your mum there too. It is my birthday tomorrow and once again I have rooted through my old cards and found one from my mum, which I am going to put up ! It makes me feel better. I do this at Xmas too.

Happy Birthday mummylin, hope you have a great day

It has been a lovely day ssd, so many flowers and lots of vouchers for me to spend !! Will go and take my sister flowers tomorrow. Should of gone today as its her birthday too, but really have had no spare time, have had visitors from about 10am to 12pm , not all the same people, just in and out various family. Tonight had my Ds and his dw, gs and his gf, Dd and my two gd,s and of course myself and Dh! So we all had a Chinese takeaway. Everyone has been so kind to me today, even the cafe where we go on Fridays got me a card and all signed it. I thought that was really kind.