Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Mine too :) I am feeling very lazy today after a busy few days

I dreamed of Dad last night. It wasn't horrible, he was just reclining on a bed, talking to me (and complaining in a gentle manner) about something he was finding annoying. I didn't 'think' anything of it in my dream, but then I woke up and cried. It was lovely to have had the dream though. Sort of a comfort that I can still 'see' him in my dreams.

I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that my loving father is now just a memory. A good memory, but just a memory. I'ts been 5 weeks since I last saw him. I miss him.

I'm gutted, I've looked through all my Xmassy decs and I can't find my robin , I know its there but its disappeared, am wondering if I put it somewhere safe in my room or somewhere, will need to have a real hunt.

charley, hold onto your dream xx

How is everyone coping with Christmas coming up? I got to decorate the tree with DS1 yesterday which was lovely, just feeling a bit down that it's another Christmas without dad, he was the one who always spoiled me with expensive items, mum was more practical presents. But am focusing on the positives that it will be DS2 first Christmas this year.

It was our wedding anniversary the other day so DH and I looked through the photos, I just so wish he got to share the day with me.

Very very happy ssd ! Who would of thought that. Now I have to hear about it every 5 mins. It was very sad for one of our players as it was announced yesterday his baby died at birth this week. But he still played. He was MOTM. How sad is that.
I hope you find your little robin. It is special isn't it
deepblue it's sad isn't it when there is always someone missing! but i know we will all be thinking of the people we have lost but still love.

yes I heard about that player mummylin, very sad for him, well done that he played and was MOTM.

So I haven't been here for awhile because iv just been trying to get through life it's been just over six month since my mum died and it's Christmas how do I get through it and how do I get my siblings through it this will be my first ever (in 27 years I have of being alive) Christmas without my mother and I mean iv literally spent every single Christmas day with her and I can't imagine her not being there each day it's getting closer and im praying it doesn't come.

I'm having a big dinner at my house with my siblings there partners kids and also my husbands mum and sister and im dreading it

(Mrsmummywrigh)

Hello [purplebean] you may think you won't get through it! but honestly you will. We look to these times with utter dread, but when it arrives it's not as bad as we think it will be. I'm not saying you won't be sad, of course you will, but with all your siblings and the children around you will get through it together. And some of the time I expect you will be busy and not even have time to think.
What I did the first year was put up a Christmas card that my mum had sent me previously , surprisingly I felt better knowing I had a card up from my mum. I have done it every Christmas since. Always the same card, but that dosent matter.
Enjoy it as much as you can and raise a glass to your mum.

(Mummylin) thank you that actually made me feel a little better about it I have a birthday card that I had out for a few months as we don't really do christmas cards.
I hope you all have as good a Christmas as you possibly can 🎄

I hope everyone is getting on with their Christmas preparations ! I still have gifts to buy. I used to love this part, but these days it's just not the same.

Just popped in to say hello.

You might have seen my other thread. I lost my mum only a week ago, and it's really hard.

Mummylin I found the Christmas presents my mum bought for people in the wardrobe yesterday too. I don't know who they are for (except the obvious ones). I don't know what to do with them.

There are some bits for my kids - unwrapped - I think I should just put them in their stocking so they have them, without them getting upset that they're from grandma. My mum wouldn't want me to just give them away, I'm sure. Probably not the thing that should be pressing on my mind right now but I know my mum wouldn't want to cause upset or similarly think she'd forgotten about people.

Sorry it's such a difficult time for you guys too.

Hello bex I'm sorry you have the same dilemma that I had. It's so upsetting isn't it. I had no idea like you who the things were for and because I knew my mum supported a children's hospice I just gave them everything, and knew my mum would approve. But she also had lots of tins of quality street. Enough for myself and siblings to have one each. We thought of them as a gift from mum at Christmas.
I am very sorry you have lost your mum so close to Christmas, it's bad at any time but seems so poignant at this time.
I hope you will have people around to support you over the holiday.
I haven't seen your other thread but will go and find it now.
Always someone on here when you need a shoulder.

Hi Bex. I have read your thread now. Goodness what a terrible shock you have had. The shock is immense, I too lost my mum unexpectedly and it knocked me for six. I had a heavy pain as if my heart was broken and strangely my legs wouldn't work properly, this lasted quite a few days. I'm sure it was shock, but it was a real physical pain in my heart and legs
What others have said to you is perfectly true, your mum will live on, you and your children carry her genes. And what a lovely thing you have done by donating her organs. I will be putting up my Xmas card from my mum, the same one I have put up every year since she died , it makes me feel better, the thought of not having a card from mum is unbearable to me.
About the funeral , we all have worried so much about it and think we won't be able to get through it, but strangely on the day, we seem to cope much better than we thought we would. Having friends and family around you on that day will help you such a lot.

Thank you. I'm sorry, didn't mean to make this thread about my own loss.

I don't tend to keep things so I don't have a Christmas card but it's lovely you can do that. I do still have my 30th birthday card though (it was only a few weeks ago) and I'll keep that forever.

I understand what you're saying about physical pain. Both me and my younger brother (who still lived with mum) have felt that.

Thank you for your kind words xx

Oh don't worry Bex at the time of posting it was about you.
Everyone of us at first posted and of course it was all about ourselves !
It's upsetting to see mums out with their dd,s at this time of the year and it's also upsetting when you see others saying how they hate their mum. That is difficult to comprehend when it's obvious that all of us loved our mum / dad dearly and would give anything to have them here.

Hello hope your all well? I've not posted on the thread for a few weeks Christmas has been getting in the way.. I can't believe its been over three months since my mums been gone feels so much longer then on the other hand I can't believe its almost Christmas. I'm going to a Blue Christmas service later at the church where my mums funeral was held, I'm not a church goer but looking forward to it having 40 minutes of time just to remember her, hopefully I'll get it all out so I'm not sobbing over the turkey on Friday! As before hope your all well.

Hi everyone

I'm probably in the wrong place and I might now get any replies but I just need to vent. I'm 31 years old and currently 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby, a girl! I lost my Mum in March 2014 to breast cancer, she had been terminal for around 2 years or more although it had been her third diagnosis, the first being 17 years previous. She had many well years in between, a reoccurrence in 2004, successfully treated, although the terminal diagnosis did come from the primary tumour. Anyway. When my Mum died she died 6 weeks before my wedding, the last time she left the house was to see me in my wedding dress which was 5 days before she died. Even the day before she died she was supposed to be going for chemo. I don't even know where I'm going with this. My Mum had waited for so long for me to have a baby. She always said I'd have a girl. I'm the eldest of 5 children and my Mum was a midwife. This is my first baby and I miss her every day. I suffer with terrible anxiety and I want to ask her daft stuff like when I'm worried ice done something to hurt the baby like twang my trouser elastic on my tummy I want her to tell me it's ok! As I'm writing this message it sounds although I'm a wreck which 90% of the time I'm not. I'm a successful hard working woman with a good job, loving marriage and good friends. I just needed to vent somewhere so I hope you all don't mind and I hope I've done it in the right place. I just miss my Mum beyond words.

I have not been here for such a long time. Loads going on my eldest struggling a fair bit with school year 10 certain subjects have really been pressure. Seems to be doing a lot better now but my time is taken up a fair bit by helping her or emailing these teachers. Then we had all the hoo ha of this place being hacked and it was asking for my new pass word which I was very unsure to do incase it was a bogus request.
This year has gone fast.
I still miss my mum from time to time Christmas is v hard. Big hole. But I'm getting through like you guys I guess.

Sending love to all the long timers here thoughts with you and also hugs to you all on the thread. Hope you can find some part of your day to remember your loved ones and smile.
Take care this group and the people was such a huge support to me I'm sure you will find the same. 3 years now for me. Although it can stop me in my tracks some days like it was yesterday. I like to think my mum is with me when I need her. Guiding us all and right by my side. I've been through some tough points this year and I have just felt over whelmingly it's all going to be ok. Like a great big warm invisible blanket has been wrapped around me.

Love to all xx

Hi gemsparkle.

So very sorry for your loss how very sad. It's so hard isn't it. You want to speak to them. My god I was still very much all over the place with emotions year after still so unbelievably raw.
She will be with you every step of the way with your pregnancy but I know only too well it just isn't enough. Ask her them questions / talk to her. You will know her answer. You know your mum and how she would think you are your mum. I have learnt this so much over 3 years. My god I am so much like my mum and I'm so proud. She would be proud too. Like your mum is of you.
Take care and wishing you all the best wished for the rest of your pregnancy and beyond. You sound like you are going to be a wonderful mum. Maybe do a little album of when the baby comes and first birthdays especially for your mum.
Thinking of you xx

Hi t875,

Thank you so much for your kind words. They are very much appreciated. xx

T how lovely to see you. It dies seem a long time now dosent it, but as you say little things catch you out now and again. I went to a Xmas show last night, one I have been to many times with my mum, and I couldn't help looking over to where we had sat and wishing she was with me last night, she loved that show and we had been together a few times as a treat from Dh.
But we have no choice but to press on with our lives although it's tough sometimes.
I hope things pick up for your dd soon .
Wishing you and yours a very happy Xmas x
Hello gem it's tough isn't it! and it's natural to want your mum when you are having your first baby. Sadly this has happened quite a lot on this thread. Lots of people whose parents are not here when the baby is born, including my sister who had twins a few months after our mum died.
Your mum will be and is a part of your little baby, as the genes are carried through, so although your mum won't be physically here, she will be through your son / daughter. Your baby can know your mum through you relating to stories about her and saying how much she would of loved your child if she were here. It's very sad she isn't here, but I believe if you whisper to her she will here you.
I wish you a great birth and a lifetime of happiness with your child.
ssd did you find your robin ?
Great elation here at weekend once again ! I wish you and your family a very happy Xmas. I suppose it's no point asking if your siblings have been in touch ?

queen I hope the service was nice and you recalled happy memories whilst you were there . This being the first Xmas without your mum it will probably be filled with previous memories of past Christmases, but I hope it goes well for you. This is usually the most upsetting one, but it's doable and you will cope I'm sure. Hope the day goes as smoothly as possible for you.

Hi, I haven't been on here for a while and it's heartbreaking to see so many other posters having to use this thread.

I am dreading Xmas too, since my Dad died in August suddenly and unexpectedly. I miss him so so much and would do anything to have a conversation with him again. Sometimes I go to bed and just imagine a conversation and that helps. I can almost hear him speaking but I know it's my imagination. It still brings me comfort.

I'm posting now as our family received a report from the hospital today that shows mistakes were made with my Dad's treatment when he was admitted with pulmonary embolisms. It has knocked me for 6 and I don't really know what to do or think as nothing will bring him back. It's knocked me right back to August to that raw grief feeling. We didn't even ask for a report, it was an internal investigation as his death was unforeseen.

My mum is very upset and angry and wants to sue the hospital for negligence, I think not because she wants to make the staff suffer or for any money but just because she wants to blame someone and she says it's so unfair he was taken from us too early. I've asked her to sleep on it and we'll decide as a family and wait until after Xmas. I think he should rest in peace now.

This is such a rollercoaster

I'm not looking forward to Christmas. We will be at Mum's and it will be oh so clear to everyone that Dad isn't there. Last Christmas is a memory fixed in my head. Dad looked so frail compared to the 6' 3" strong person I knew. He'd just come out of hospital after a 6 week stay following near kidney failure, caused by a blockage. We didn't know then, but had a suspicion that it could be bad news. He was determined to do the Christmas dinner and managed it (despite the cooker blowing up when he turned it on to do dinner - hurrah for double ovens). But as he sat down, looking thin and weak I thought then that it could be his last Christmas. I though that was the pessimist in me coming out, but no, I was proven right. The cancer diagnosis came in Jan and no treatments worked. He was declared terminal in June and given months. I was starting to hope that he might make it to Christmas and beyond, but he suddenly became more ill with complete bowel obstruction in Oct after his birthday and died early Nov.

I have a sense of panic when I think about him not being here anymore. And there are so many images in my head that I can't unsee and that ambush me from time to time. Moments where he was poorly. Or had been given (yet more) bad news and was upset. And seeing him dying and then after he'd gone.

Hibonkers the dread you are feeling is perfectly normal. But you will get through this first Christmas without your dear Dad.
I can't really speak about the hospital stuff as I don't know anything about that side of things. But I think it would probably be quite a long process. I suppose you would have to weigh up the emotional cost to all if you. Do you think it would be a strain on your mum.
But on the other side of things , would it help her to feel she has got the truth for your dad ? I expect there are a lot of things to consider.
I wish you peace over Christmas , remember your dear dad with love and a smile, I'm sure that's what he would like.
charley this is so new for you! it's only a matter of weeks and you are still in the early stages of grieving. I'm not going to lie and say it will be easy, but it is doable. If I remember back, the first one was definitely the most upsetting. Really missed my mum that first time, bu even so I got through the day somehow without being a snivelling wreck. It's tough being without the people we love, but even though they aren't here anymore, the love dosent die and our memories help to carry us through it all.