Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Unfortunately I'm not looking forward to the meal, it'll cost me a fortune, I don't talk to some of my siblings & I always get left out/ignored/digs thrown my way :( I can't even get drunk because I'll have the kids & I'm driving x but I'm going for my dad x

Oh, that puts a different slant on things chicken! Are you going to leave straight after the meal or do you have to spend time with your siblings ? Shame you can't have a drink though. Families can be a pain sometimes I think.

agree with you there mummylin!! hope the meal went as best as it could chicken xx

and for everyone here xx

Hi all how are you all doing?

ds has been a bit wobbly last few weeks with all of the anniversaries and we have had some bad news so things are abit strained here. Mums husband came down for their wedding anniversary to leave flowers and saw dp at the shops, said he was coming here but he didnt. feel like i have let mum down a bit she asked me to keep in touch with him and make sure he wasnt on his own but there is only so much i can do he moved miles away and doesnt answer anymore. suppose thems the breaks.

what has everyone been up too? I am nearly finished with my christmas shopping but keep twitching, i let the kids do the tree yesterday, bit too early for my liking but i didnt want to attend town event due to the weather and lack of funds so it seemed a good way to spend the day together and what with the bad news i thought it was a nice way to inject a bit of cheer.

love to you all

Hi SM. Sorry that you are having to cope with yet another problem. I can't seem to get motivated at all for Christmas owing to all the problems here with dd,s ex. But I am going out on Monday to see what I can find. I expect the tree looks pretty in these dull days, hope you have your little robin on it as I will when we put the tree up ! Yes your mums dh did choose to move away which makes it more difficult to carry out your mums wishes. You can only do so much can't you. Hope things get sorted out for you

Ah I am happy with the shopping we have done although royal mail seem to have lost a candyfloss maker i bought for sdaughter, god knows how you lose a machine! Im sure the shopping will come in time still lots of days. How are things now? I am guessing still tough judging by the motivation comment and how is dd?

yes he did make his decision so i suppose there is not much i can do, relative on dps side diagnosed with cancer last week, big shock and has brought alot to the surface for me. He has had a small op and now waiting on results so hoping it has been caught earlier but has knocked dp he isnt himself at all which is causing tension.

hi girls, I'm sorry I havent been around a lot lately and not much support to anyone and I apologise for that, I'm peri menopausal these days and finding it tough going, sorry I havent been there but I'm always reading this thread and following how everyone is xx

Hi everyone. Just wanted to do a little check in to say hello and that in often think of you all. Been really tough on the sleep deprivation front hence the silence.
Christmas will be sad this year... first without dad :-(. Baby's first Christmas though so that will at least be special.
Hope you are all doing well xx

Hi starfish I think the first Christmas is always going to be the worst one, but even that is actually not as bad as you expect. Of course it's still sad that someone is missing, but I suppose because it is Christmas we all try not to be sad , especially in front of others .
Your baby will make such a difference to you, so you will have a day of mixed blessings I expect.
Sleep deprivation is awful isn't it, I don't think I'd like to go back to those days !

Thread is very quiet ! But that is a good thing I think. Hopefully you are all coping as best that you can. My thoughts are wih you all.

how are you doing ML?

We are alright, keeping busy hence my silence on the thread, dps family member seems to be doing okay waiting on results now. dp and me are bickering, hes driving me a bit nuts in the way hes dealing with sd lately and im swinging between not wanting to interfere to not accepting seeing her get away with things that his ds and ds would be pulled up for. She has just spoken to me horribly for telling her to stop getting involved with her brother being told off and hes just sat there saying nothing. I know i can hold my own but it would nice to feel like i had some support.

how are your christmas shopping and plans going?

Things pretty much the same here SM unfortunately. It's such a lot of stress for my dd. But it can't go on forever I hope.
Horrible weather here at the moment , wet cold and windy ! Been Xmas shopping again today but got fed up with queuing everywhere and came home !

Well that's been 1 year today since we lost my mum. What a strange day of sadness, crying and smiling at funny memories. I miss her so much, and the day seems like only last week. Emotionally drained tonight, but we got through it.
Still only think that I haven't seen her for a while, as the truth is overwhelming sometimes. x

Hi sparky glad that you managed to get through the day. It is once again a"first" which is always going to be the most upsetting. I'm sure you were thinking back to last year and how sad it all was on that day.
The time situation is weird really, it's now 4 yrs on fir me, but like you it still feels so recent and I can't believe I haven't seen my mum for so long. It's heartbreaking.

Hope everyone has had a good weekend and not suffered too much in the awful storms. I was in two minds wether to go to do the flowers at the graves yesterday, but went during a dry spell, which of course changed when I got there ! Typical. But the graves looked neat and tidy again so it was worth getting wet !

I can't believe what I have just done, I actually looked in some of the boxes of my mums stuff, first time I have opened them in 4 yrs. of course I ended up looking at everything and actually threw out some odds and sods, but also found things I am going to use ! I was not upset strangely I found it a comfort. I only opened them because I want one of the containers ! I feel quite proud of myself and it felt almost as though my mum was still here. After Christmas I think I will open them all, I have no Idea what I put in them all, I just refused to throw so much away at the time. So many boxes of stuff !

That is good ml I am glad it was a comfort to you and you will now use some of your mum's things I'm sure she would like that. I use a couple of mum's thing mostly kitchen things it makes me happy

My robin will be making an appearance today !! I think it's the third time now SM .

thats good you looked in the boxes and you were ok mummylin , I know how hard that is xx

Hello ssd, supermario, mummylin - I've been absent for a while too. I've been very up and down - still struggling with my mum, and things have been strained with DH. I feel like I'm just barrelling towards Christmas, and who knows what will happen then. My two littlies keep me busy and focused as always, and work is keeping my mind occupied too, but that panic and dread is still lurking in the background. I'm worried about the stress of having DH and my mum together for several days. Part of me wants to say "I don't care" and give up on the whole thing - but I couldn't do that to my little boy, he is so excited about Christmas and I don't want to ruin it for him.

I actually found the number of a local counsellor a few days ago, but have yet to pick up the phone...

One good bit of progress - I've been making an album of photos of the children, and I'm including the very few I have of my dad with my son and my daughter. He is clearly so very very ill in them, but I feel it is important to have them. For the first time since he died, I didn't dissolve into tears the second I looked at them.

That guitar piece he loved that I mentioned in an earlier post - it came on the radio again the other day, and I just had to turn it off. My mum was here and I couldn't face breaking down in front of her.

Glad you felt comforted looking through your mum's things mummylin, that's lovely.

Sparkygal thinking of you - I feel the same thing, when I realise how long it has been, it really really hurts. A lot of time I absentmindedly think "ooo I haven't seen dad in a while", then I remember...

Hello tea it's a roller coaster isn't it ? When you think to when you last saw them it seems so long ago. And it hurts. My mum would be busy now getting all her gifts together and it's hard to think she isn't here to do that any more. When she died she had bought loads and if course I didn't have a clue who they were fir so gave everything away to a children's hospice shop that she and I supported.

Strange thing, she told me that the two hampers she was making up were for her friend and my dd. Now why did she tell me that, it was only the end of October. Anyway I delivered those two.
I hope things improve for you and Dh, I'm sure you can do without any added stress. It dosent help does it. I hope you will have the best Christmas as you possibly can in the circumstances. Nice that you have the photos of your dad and your children. I have video of my mum, which i haven't plucked up the courage to watch yet. Good luck with everything.

hello tea, its nice to see you again, I also havent been on this thread lately so much, sometimes I just cant think of what to say to new posters, it reminds me of how I felt at the beginning and once I go back there I cant shake it off for days, so I dont post as much but I have every sympathy for them and all of us, its so hard at this time of year, with everything on, it just feels so many people are missing and its just not fair! It also feels (to me anyway) like everyone else has parents and its just hard to be amongst people talking about their mum or dad, I feel I'm putting a face on all the time and I'm getting fed up with it! My dad died 17 years ago last Friday, thats such a lifetime, he never met ds2 and he died when ds1 was a baby, its so unfair. But I guess life isnt fair, is it..

mummylin, have you been back into your boxes yet? I find I go through periods when I go through mine bit by bit then I leave it for a while, sometimes its too hard then other times you need to see the things to feel a bit closer when they feel so gone. I hope you are getting a bit of comfort from all your mums things, theres probably a few things you forgot you kept, I even kept mums sweetie wrappers she had that day, its the little things that mean the most isnt it, if anyone seen my boxes they'd be like why did you keep that! But it means the world to me. Come to think of it I've never shown my boxes to anyone, its just for me and there isnt anyone it would mean half as much to anyway.

Hi ssd no I haven't done anymore! I have loads to go through! but I didn't mean to go through any of them I just needed to empty one of the containers as I needed one for something else! Of course I found myself going through some things. I did find a few things which I can use, and I will. Like you I kept everything including scraps of paper with mums writing on them ! And when I do come across them I intend to keep them. But I honestly haven't a clue what the hell I have kept. I have at least 12 containers with mums stuff in ! I will try and start properly after Christmas. But I do now have 4 new pairs of scissors !!! Lovely to see you and I hope you and your family have a great Christmas despite anyone else in your family. Ps how is your families footi season going. I hope your dh noted our towns win last week !!!

oh the footi, I havent a clue really, i THINK THEY ARE DOING WELL BUT THERE ISNT MUCH COMPETITION UP HERE oops sorry for caps on there!!! your dh must be pleased if they are winning!! Dh and ds didnt even go to the game last week, the weather was so awful they decided to miss it, very unlike them!! I hope you have a great Christmas too, I know your house will be full, I hope it all goes well xx

Very quick message to say merry xmas and I hope our happy memories of our lost loved ones help us through this difficult time of year x
Sm...my robin is on my tree