Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Hi all, hope everyone is doing ok. Hope none of you suffered any damage from all the wind yesterday and today. Still got problems here from my dd,s ex at the moment.

It's Dad's funeral tomorrow.

I think I'm as prepared as I will be. All preparations done, I just need to write the message on my card to go on the flowers.

We have been told to expect a big turn out as Dad had a large family that kept in contact with each other. He was a Mason, so has a huge group of friends. And after he retired, he ran a function room and made a lot of contacts there too. He was very well known and had an amazing personality, and enjoyed entertaining people.

It will be interesting to see how many people do actually turn up.

I feel quite calm about it at the moment. I'm looking forward to hearing how well he was thought of by the people who come tomorrow.

Then I will be back to work (primary teacher) on Monday after 3 weeks off.

Hi Charlie I hope it all goes as well as you want it to tomorrow. I'm sure that seeing that your dad sounds so popular there will be lots of people there to say their goodbyes and pay their respects . Having a lot of folks around will help you through it all. You will be ok I'm sure. Having lots of people to chat to after the service really does seem to help such a lot. Will think of you.

Thankyou.

In my thoughts Charley

3 months today since dad left us. Still doesn't seem real. It seems like just yesterday and yet it seems like years since I last talked to him.

I've spent the night Christmas shopping online to avoid shops/inane Christmas music/anyone who is cheerful. I usually love Christmas but I want to hibernate this year.

I have no time to think about Christmas yet. Normally (while growing up) we were allowed to start thinking about what we wanted for Christmas after it was Dad's birthday, which was 10 weeks before Christmas.

We had Dad's birthday and had a lovely weekend and a birthday meal with him. Then 2 days later he was taken into hospital and he died 10 days later.

The funeral was amazing. The church was full and it was moving to see how many people came to show their respect. When they all started singing the first hymn I couldn't join in as it was a lovely sound and it made me cry to hear it. It was harder than I thought it would be, sitting there, looking at Dad's coffin, but we made it through the day somehow. It was lovely to see so many of his friends and family all in one place to remember him.

Glad the funeral went as well as it could. Don't worry about Christmas just yet. There is plenty of time and bar children, who wouldn't understand, everyone else should cut you some slack or they are not worth bothering with.
Tomorrow should be my mum's birthday but she won't be here. 4 years and it still is so hard.
I usually cook and my dsis comes over. This year we have a charity ball and my dsis is going to be in a show.
I am going to wear some of mum's jewellery and try to not be too sad.
This has been a hard year. I haven't been well so I do want to enjoy myself. I just hope I don't get too emotional.

Tillie

Take Christmas easy this year, don't make any plans, just do what feels right. Nobody should expecting you to be in merry mood.

Aargh mum wants to start planning dad's 20th anniversary next year (in June!), I've just had a baby FFS and then I want to get through Christmas without this lingering on my mind, in the New Year I'll start deciding what we want to do. It won't be any different to the previous 19 years, the usual - visit the grave, put flowers on and then go out for dinner. I'll book the flights but thats it.

Hi all every time I post on here it feels like its all about me me me I never really read replies I just skim. Hope your all doing ok.

I can't seem to move on I can't go 15 minutes without thinking about my mum or reliving the day she died she's my last thought at night though I never dream about her, one of my first thoughts in the morning. I am on meds but they don't help I dont know if this is normal she's only been gone 10 weeks and 2 days.. My brother reinterment went well it was beautiful a little wet but I'm glad they are resting together now. I just don't know what to do about me now everyone has moved on.. I just miss her so much it hurts..

It's only been 2 weeks for me since Dad died, I totally get the fact that it's a physical pain, missing someone so important. We had a year to get used to the fact that Dad was terminal and was going to have to leave us. Yet, I still get fleeting memories and thoughts of him and it takes my breath away that he's gone.

Hello queen I am so glad that your little brother is now at rest with your mum! it must of all been a terrible strain for you.
Of course you are still so sad, it has only been a matter of weeks, which in the world of grief is nothing.
Do you think you would want to speak to anyone in RL about how you are feeling. I know it's not for everyone, but it may help you.
charley I will say the same to you as I did to queen! it is all so new for you and very difficult to cope with in the early days. One day when a longer time has passed, you will start to have more good days than bad. I'm not saying you still won't be sad, but it will be a bit easier to bear while you try and accept what has happened
for you both

tillie I can imagine it's much easier to shop online! it's very upsetting to go round the shops and see all the happy people. And of course this is your first Christmas, which I think is the worst one. I think for most of us we have dreaded Christmas Day for the first time, but strangely it wasn't as bad as I thought for me. The first New Year's Eve was the worst when I spent it sobbing at home on my own. I didn't want dh here so he went to a party we had both been invited to. I knew I would not be able to pretend everything was ok. I think I posted on this thread and I chatted to others in the same position.

Hi tilliebob. I think I "know " you from another place :). Much hugs.

I'm not coping so well with Xmas. I can't really shop, not for adults. I just go all " mum would love this" and that's it. I've told dh if he wants Xmas pressies for his family this year its up to him.

Trying hard to focus on the kids. We will have dd1s boyfriend over fron Australia and ds girlfriend ( from up the road :) ) so that's different but " good different". I'm really great fun to their parents for letting them be with us. Dad is like a 4th kid these days, so taking him to see lights and Xmas displays etc is quite fun. I just try to take him as he is and what makes him happy now this moment, rather than how things were, that's whole nother bereavement I just keep fighting off.

HelloHelen hope your dad will enjoy seeing the Christmas lights and it gives him a bit of happiness.
Sounds like you will have a good time with your dc,s girlfriends over the holiday, as you said it will make it a different Christmas for you all
Hope everyone has had an ok weekend and that it's not too cold wherever you live. Thick socks and boots were in order for me today !

Hello everyone.
What a lovely thread. I hope you don't mind me joining but I couldn't bear starting a thread and it not being responded to.
I just wondered if you'd be so kind as to share how you talk about your parents with your young children?
My 3.5 year old knows that he has a special Grandma, and he can pick out and name her in photos but that's about it.
The day is coming when he'll ask where she is, and I'm not quite sure what I'll say.
He does love the moon and the stars and all that, so I'm thinking something about that, but this is sooo hard. Please be gentle if that's a crap idea!
Thanks for reading so far!

Hello fluffy this is one I can't answer as I don't have young children anymore! but others on here I'm sure will be able to suggest something. I believe there are special books about it. Which may help you in this situation. Good luck.

Fluffygreen the best book about bereavement for small kids is " Badgers Parting Gifts" , read if first and it will help you work out the " special gifts" that your mum left with you, her friends and family. It's very much about Badger living on in the hum he taught one animal, the dance he taught another , the day out with another etc rather than and place to go after death ( goodbye mog is very like this but much much sadder if you " know" mog beforehand, badger is a stand alone character so easier!).

I dunno about telling kids that dead relatives are in a physical place unless you have a heaven that you believe in. More that they live on in us and what we do/think etc. Up to you of course. Some kids are very factually based and even take on the concept that your atoms live for ever from very young!

It's so hard. DH is a committed atheist so not happy to talk about heaven etc.

I'll have a look at the Badger book - thanks. He's just discovered Mog for the first time thanks to Sainsbury's so I think we better leave that well alone!

I wasn't so much thinking about suggesting mum lives on the moon :D More that we went to Dynamic Earth last week, and he sat through the space/atoms bit quite happily (I think just liked the pictures though).

So, so difficult and hits home how much I wish she was still her. Thanks again.

Hi everyone !!! I thought I'd post because tomorrow it'll be a year since my dad died :( I've found the last month really hard but I've been looking after myself physically & mentally, so hopefully that's helped. Today has been really weird/hard because he died on a weds & my weds routine is still the same as last year. I'm busy/occupied for the next 3 days, so I'll have to slap on a smile & get on with it. I can't believe it's been a year already, it seems so wrong & gone so quick :( and yet at the same time I'm glad that he's not still here suffering x

Hi all. Thanks for being here.

My mum's funeral is on Friday. What a weird thing... Am so tense and desperate.

I hope it's better than I think it will be x

I found Dad's funeral more difficult than I expected it to be. I knew it was going to be hard. But I didn't realise how much it would hit me to see the church packed with all his friends and relatives. Or how hard sitting there looking at the coffin would actually be.

Today it's been difficult because I'm back at work. And back doing other everyday things. When I went round to Mum's it hit me (again) that he's not there and won't be there again. I want to cry it all out, but know that that's not a possibility. There will always be more grief at it all left over. I am finding it difficult to adjust to going round and just speaking to Mum, without then going for a natter with Dad too. It put a real down on the visit for me, which I tried not show as it wouldn't be fair.

Hi chicken I hope you are managing to cope ok today! it's a horrible time isn't it! just remembering back to last year. It only seems a couple of weeks ago you were first posting, how this time has flown. What have you been doing on this special day ?
filbert I hope everything will go as you want it to tomorrow. A heartbreaking time for everyone concerned, but the people who are there to morn your mum will help you just by being there. You will get through it! there really is no choice! but it may not be as bad as you think. After all the worst really has already happened for you and your family. Will think of you tomorrow

Thanks mummylin, it's gone far too quickly :( today it's just been my usual day, I'm off to my dance class tonight then I'll be having a toast with my kids for my dad, followed by me getting tipsy/drunk !!! We're all going out for a family meal (mum, siblings etc) at the weekend x

It's nice to have something to look forward to chicken it always perks me up when I know there is something in the horizon. Hope you all your enjoy your meal, glad today has nearly gone now .