Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

I have a sister and a father, however, i dont want much to do with them really, im better off on my own, i moved away from all my friends and family around 9 years ago.

Thank you mummylin, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to loose a parent whilst pregnant.

I don't feel like he's missing every single day as life gets busy etc, but when I would like share stuff with him, I just feel that big hole. Eg DS1 drew a great picture at nursery the other week and I would have loved to show it to my dad. These longing of wanting him here have just resurfaced badly as DS2 is a newborn and that fact I am on mat leave atm so I have more time to think iyswim.

I never grieved and came to terms with his death properly for my dad until my early 20s when I finally got counselling. Partly it was down to my maternal Granddad who I was very close too as well died two weeks after Dad so I grieved for him for a long time. Also I went into denial about my Dad's death, I just got on with it and I couldn't go back to that grim place of grief, it was a very long time before I speak about my dad. Some of it's also down to me being so young I didn't know how to deal with it all.

Dad hated photos so only have a few but I treasure them dearly.

Sorry that was a very me-me post It just feels so good to talk with other people who know what your going through as thats very hard in my age group.

I'm sorry for the loss of you mam shazza

Hello everyone, just wanted to jump on this thread.

I lost my dad when I was 24, he was 51 to stomach cancer. It was very quick from diagnosis to actually having to Say goodbye. Whilst I think this helped in a lot of ways, I didn't have to see my darling dad deteriorate , it did make grieving harder. It was almost as if it took a good 6 months for the penny to drop.

Three yrs down the line and now I have my own DD. It's a very bitter sweet time, it was recently the anniversary of my dads death and I really struggled. It's like it was a couple of years ago when I felt really lost in sadness, constant headaches and chest pains. I felt like I had got passed this, but I think being a mum adds another dimension to my grief because now I'm sad that she will never know her GD.

Apologises for that long rambling post!

Hi Button I am a year on from you and I still sometimes feel it has only just happened !
It is very hard when you have a child that you know your dad would of loved and I'm sure that's what you wanted too. So it's normal I think for you to feel sad about that your child missing out on his / her grandad. We have the same in my family, with my sisters twins, born 4 months after our mum died. That was a very young age for your dad to pass away. I expect at times you have felt cheated of many years you should of had together.
I think the sad times will always creep up on us, sometimes when we least expect it, but in between the sad times we have to learn to get on with life, although it will never be the same.
When I remember how I was the first year and how I am now I realise I have finally accepted losing my mum, of course I miss her terribly and always will. And I still have some very sad days
It helps when you can speak to others in the same position. Always someone here to chat to.
shazza maybe you could go to a bereavement counsellor, although I don't know if that is the type of thing for you. It's difficult if you have no- one to help you through this sad time in RL, but we are always here when you need.
deepblue congrats on your newborn ! I think when something good happens it's instinct to want to tell a grandparent, that's when it hits you again isn't it. But you know your children have your dads genes, so a part of him is still here and will carry on being here for the next generation ! And because of course you also have his genes , he was with you on your wedding day !

This is such a great thread.

Sorry to be a bit selfish - but am a bit all over the place and can't think beyond myself. Am feel very odd and there is lots to organise with the funeral and sorting out clothes etc. it's almost like I've squashed the grief into a hole and it's not really allowed out because there is no time or space...

Do you feel like you are in another universe filbert I think that for a few weeks everything seems as though it can't possibly be happening and that it's a bad dream! sadly we all find out it isn't.
Have you managed to arrange any part of the funeral at all yet ? That is another day we have all dreaded, but surprisingly although of course we have all been upset on that day, somehow we manage to get through it. I think it helps when there are other people there to talk to and remember the person we have just lost.
I found that it hurt a lot when everyone has gone and you are left to get on with it. But we all need support for other times too, nit just the day of the funeral. This is when you find out who your true friends are,and some people have been very shocked when the very people you thought would be there fir you aren't. I hope you don't have this experience.

Yes. It's surreal, like it hasn't really happened. The funeral is still 2 weeks away because it was so busy. So am some alternate universe of arrangements and everything being on hold.
I expect the only people that will understand are those that have been through it themselves

Thanks Mummylin your so kind no I'm going to leave it I think, I don't have the energy to fight anymore its hard enough getting out of bed and facing the world. Nothing can bring her back and I'll have to live with the fact she died unnecessarily. On the upside the Dr has upped my antidepressants hopefully I'll feel better soon.

Sorry to read some of you are having a hard time lots of love

If you are happy with your decision Queen then it's probably the best thing to do, especially when you are feeling so low already.
I know it's so difficult but try and remember happier times .
Of course this will be difficult at the moment as you still have to face next Tuesday. After that has passed try and take some time for yourself , at least for a few days if possible, to gather your thoughts, you are having a tough time and need a break. Take care

In 3 weeks it will be a year since my mum passed away. I am finding it harder and harder as the date gets closer. I miss her so much

The past couple of months I have felt like I was coping ok, but now feeling like I did this time last year, getting anxious and so sad.

Just wanted to write it down

Hi sparky it's understandable that you are getting edgy as the day gets nearer. I was the same only days ago. I think that most will agree the first anniversary is the worst one. I can imagine in your mind you are saying " this time last year " and going all over it again.
But when the day comes, it's ok to feel sad, but you will probably cope better than you think. Light a candle for your mum and if you have a photo out, just tell her you love and miss her.

Hey, just a wee post. So I'm on here. Mum has been diagnosed with incurable lung cancer. She has months apparently, I was told three weeks ago, they (parents) didn't tell me as it was my 40th in august then we all went to Florida. So they waited until after then paying over 3 grand to get mum there so me and DP and DS could enjoy our holiday. I'm devastated, I'm better now than I was the first two weeks... Punched the floor breaking my hand (totally unlike me) and cried to the point I had to go to the GP because I couldn't open my eyes they were so swollen. I'm off work with PTSD and a frixken court. Case coming up and naturally whilst my mum is dying all I could think about is how can I live without you. I'm gutted I verbalised all of that to her when she was so brave in keeping this all from me to protect me and I now feel like a selfish cunt! We aren't telling DS (11) as they are so close (lived with them, just me and him for 4 years) and it will devastate him, so waiting until it's absolutely necessary. XH (normally a prick) has been quite nice, but told ds's teachers at school which wound me up no end!!!

Sorry, I have perhaps posted in the wrong place. I realise this is for those who have lost a parent. I haven't lost mine yet, but it's coming. Any advice, things I should do, things you wish you had done, all gratefully received

You are fine posting here hawkeye others in the same situation have done the same thing.
You must feel devastated as it's obvious you are very close to your mum. All I can say really is spend the time that you have together making more happy memories. Take photo,s, laugh together, have hugs and most important tell her you love her at some point.
I am really sorry that you are going through this.
Your parents were very good to allow you a carefree holiday, whilst knowing themselves. I believe there are special books to help children when they lose someone, maybe this would help your Ds. Anyway you don't need to worry about that at this moment.
Please dont hesitate to post here at any time, you are more than welcome.

Thank you mummylin, not sure wher I am or what I'm doing right now. What mum is doing is supporting her best friend as her husband is imminently dying of cancer, there very day. She doesn't want me to see him (he's like an uncle) as she says it's too close, still, no matter what mum and I will face I want to see him to tell him I love him

Oh goodness hawkeye as if you and your mum don't have enough on your plate. I hope you get to see the person who is so ill again. Your mum is very protective of you and must be a strong person. How kind of her to help her friend when she is ill herself.

Thank you for your advice mummylin, I am taking the day off work to be with my dad and want to do something - not sure what (aside from putting flowers down at mum's place - hate saying grave ). I like the candle idea..
You are right I am just replaying this time last year all the time and feel really heavy hearted.
By the way, I think you are amazing keeping these threads going and giving support to all of us in the same boat, when you are / have been going through the same.

Sparky I am sorry to hear about your mum, I also found first anniversaries are the worst, ditto first birthdays (everything 'first'!). It's something you dread for weeks and it normally happens when things are just starting to become normal again.

Ha, mummylin, you brought me back to my y11 science days of learning about genetics Am feeling a lot better today, I had a big long cry with DH last night and it felt so good to get it all out. The hormones and sleep deprivation probably aren't helping!

Sparky I think sometimes the fear of the day is actually worse than the day. By the time it comes round we have got ourselves quite distressed. But then , hey presto it's difficult and we do think back to the worst day of our lives, but you know what , you will cope better than you think you will.
I think for me it was New Year's Eve which left me heartbroken, the thought of going into a year that my mum would have no part in. I think that was probably one of my worst times.
deepblue glad that you are feeling happier today and that you had a good cry ! I mean that in the nicest way. That is a good release for you.
I have one of those candles that changes colour by my mums photo, although dh dosent like the smell !

posting now after the terrible attacks in Paris..absolutely heartbreaking and awful to see.,unimaginable for those involved.

for everyone.

I echo your sentiments ssd. It is shocking and I can't imagine how all the families will cope with what has happened. We on this thread have found it difficult coping with what I would call a " normal " loss. My heart is fully with all the people who have lost someone in these terrible terrible circumstances. There is world wide 2 minutes silence at 11am this morning.
Hope you are doing ok ssd and your family is well.

3 years without you mum, yesterday was your 5 year wedding anniversary. I went up today and husband has left a card that broke my heart it said we didnt get much time together in life, one day we will lie side by side again. he has bought the plot next to mums. just about broke me and i cried walking away which i havent done for a long time.

im keeping busy today and painting the living room tonight dp is on nights and i need a distraction from wallowing. how are you all?

cant believe the time has gone so fast sm, though I remember you joined this thread not long after me, cant believe its just over 3 years I lost mum too..I agree with keeping busy, it does help a bit...time helps a bit, doesnt it, but its always there..

I so agree with you mummylin, we are all still suffering here after losing our parents but their deaths, though some far too early, were still before ours... so many young people have been lost in Paris, I cant imagine the pain the families must be in, so sudden and brutal, they must be totally devastated.

I'm doing ok, thanks, still the same, family just the same, but I'm grateful for that, too. Hope you are both as well as you can be

seems to go in an instant but feel like forever which makes absolutely no sense i know. just spoke to my sister and my grandad went to bed early afternoon and hasnt come back down just wants to be alone. id like to go and sit with my nan but ds had a fall earlier and has hurt himself and its a bloody long walk in the dark and cold so im feeling useless now cause i cant.

glad to hear you are doing okay, the family situation is very hard i so wish you had support. but you do have all of us and im always around for a chat on here or on pm x

thanks x