Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

You had probably got into a routine for visiting your dad, then all of a sudden your routine has been altered, I think this leads to a feeling of disruption, and this on top of your loss it's not surprising you don't feel quite right.hopefully the sick feeling will soon go.
It's good to cry, much better for you to release your feelings than bottle them up. I made that mistake when my sister died. Because my mum stayed with us I had to be brave, but ten months later I was put an ad,s and had nearly 3 months off work, all because I tried not to cry !

My mate popped up on WhatsApp last night to helpfully suggest I might consider counselling. He's been gone less than 3 mths, I don't think not knowing my arse from my elbow and dreading Christmas is unusual, is it? I can't think of anything worse than spending hours talking to a complete stranger about my lovely dad anyway. Obviously I should be "over it" by now. Don't you love advice from people who haven't a clue?

I don't really cry either - it's pointless and changes nothing. The only time I have on my own is driving to and from work where I could howl anyway. I can't cry to order and me crashing the car due to being blinded by tears would just make everything worse.

It is because I don't have any time on my own I think... I need to be alone to have a big cry. My children are still quite little (3 and 5) and I find myself trying to be jolly for them a lot, then feeling guilty.

I had also been feeling sick a lot while my mum has been in hospital then hospice. My digestive system seems to be processing some of the stress...

Anyway. It's all fucking shit isn't it?

It is indeed fucking shit, Filbert.

Yes , some people do seem to think that you should be "over it " pretty soon. It's usually the ones who still have their parents and have no idea how bloody upsetting and life changing it is. I know that life for me will never seem quite as bright again.i don't laugh at things much anymore and some things just seem pointless, whereas before I would of had a good chuckle along with my mum. It is indeed Shite.

I can't believe how few pictures I seem to have of him. Looking at older photos is good though, because it helps me remember him well, rather than thin and frail from the cancer.

It makes it harder to imagine he's gone though, looking at him healthy and fit.

Hello Charlie are you talking about your dad ? Do you want to talk about him to us ?

Mummylin - this is what I think.. The world isn't the same place without my mum. I don't think I can really be as happy without her here. I know it is early for me, but I can't imagine it changing...

I'm totally drowning tonight but don't want to talk to anyone. Talking makes it all the more real and I can't do it. I don't want drugs flung at me from the doctors either so I'm at a bit of a loss about what to do. My DH is lost because I am not crying and talking about what I feel, whereas I usually have no issue doing either. He's freaked that after almost 30 years together I'm quiet and don't want him particularly near me either. I think I might actually be losing my marbles here. I can't think in a straight line. It was like that in August for the first few days but I forced myself back to work and between work, 3 dcs and dealing with my mum, I haven't a chance to catch my breath never mind think.

Sorry, mummylin. I first posted under my halloween namechange of Hexenbeast and forgot to change back!

It sounds like you haven't really had anytime to yourself Tillie it is very difficult to try and carry on as usual, whilst inside your heart is broken.
In the early days I just could not accept mum was gone forever and it took me ages to feel remotely anything like my "normal " self.
I used to find myself talking to my mums picture, in the hope that she would hear me. A few of us have written messages on this thread to our lost parent / parents , again I suppose in the hope they can see it.
I sometimes used to be like you, not want to talk to anyone, even dh as I didn't want any intrusion on my grief . My grief was mine not anyone else's.
I still talk to my mum, each time I go to the cemetery to change her flowers. I don't think I will ever feel as I did before she died, and last week it was 4 whole years.
I can't believe all that time without her, but in the beginning the thought of even the next year was very daunting to me.
Do you get any time to yourself ? Even half an hour so you can sit and process everything in your own mind. It's horrible isn't it.

Oh that's ok charlie I thought you were another person joining us on the thread ! I thought it was a bit of a random post !

Hi all, I've been lurking on here for a couple of months now. I lost my dad completely unexpededly in July as the result of a road accident. I don't want to go into too much detail in case I out myself, but we'll potentially have a court case to get through on top of everything else.

I miss him so so much. I miss him more for my daughter though I think. She's only 18 months so won't have any memory of him. He completely doted on her and was just the best grandad. Some days my mum looks 10 years older, other days she looks like she's coping. I feel like in real life I'm running out of people to talk to because they either think I should be ok or just don't know how what to say. All of my friends have two parents and I feel like I'm the first to have to find a way to deal with this.

I feel like I'm out of the overwhelming fog of the first few weeks and the funeral etc but I have no idea how to cope long term. I thought I'd have my dad until he was a grumpy old man, but he wasn't even 60

Hello rainshowers what a terrible thing to of happened to your poor dad. I think the shock of an unexpected death is awful. So you have the grief and the shock to cope with. And you still have to face a court case.
A cole of posts back we spoke about the very thing you are saying about people expecting you to " get over it " . If only it was that simple , none of us would be here on this thread.
Please so come and chat to us, we will all understand and support you.

A cole = a couple !

hello to all the new posters, and I'm sorry you are all here but as mummylin says, you are all welcome and please feel free to offload here, we all do it and we all understand

and I completely, completely agree with mummylin as always re her point of people thinking you should be over it by now...

my own sister was shocked that a year after mum had died I was still grieving, she was just amazed...mind you she told me straight after spreading mums ashes that it was time for me now, I'd spent enough time looking after mum and it was about time I got on with my own life...she didnt realise mum was my life.....

nowt as queer as folks, as they say....

Hello everyone not been able to get on mumsnet it didn't recognize me!! Haven't read through all the comments hope your all ok?

I went to the panel meeting at the hospital they lied through their teeth called me a liar I ended up leaving sobbing, I don't where to go from here I really dont I'm seeing my gp on Wednesday I need a sick note as all my money has stopped now so I'll ask him what he thinks. Then on Tuesday the 17th my poor baby brother is getting exhumed and then we are having a small private reinterment at the cemetery I'm dreading it.

So all in all life is fucking shit don't know how much more I can bloody take.

Hello queen what an awful time you are going through. Would getting in touch with your local ombudsman help you at all, I don't know who else to suggest as I have no experience of anything like this.
That is a terrible thing you are going to have to go through with your brother. That is very sad . I'm not surprised you are feeling so low. Maybe someone else has more knowledge that would help you. You need to find out what went wrong for your own peace of mind I think. We are always here to listen, don't suffer on your own

Can I join this thread? Mine isn't recent, I lost my lovely dad in 1996 suddenly when I was 13.

Even though time has healed I still miss him so much and I have come to terms with his death but there's still a gaping hole in my life and I think about him most days. I still feel jealous that most of my friends and DH still have their parents around, when I haven't had my dad for nearly 20 years. I still feel sad he never got to see me graduate, walk me down the aisle on my wedding day or met my dses + so many other achievements in my life.

Thanks for listening, I have been wanting to get that our for years.

to everyone else on this thread.

Hello deepblue that is a very young age to suffer the loss of your dear dad. I can quite understand how you think about all that you have missed out on going through different important stages in your life. Did you always feel that a special person was missing ? Personally I think 2 years or 20 years, your feelings are still valid.
To a certain extent I can empathise about your dad not getting to meet your children. My sister was 5 months pregnant with twins when our mum died unexpectedly. Mum was so excited as it was the first ever twins in our family. She never got to meet them. It was a big sorrow amid the excitement when they were born.
I think it is natural to still be missing your dad, and especially at a special event that you would of liked to share with him. There is always an empty place.
All you can really do is think of him with the happy memories that you still have. He will always be a part of you and obviously he is still loved.
Take care.

We buried my maam last wedsnesday, it was a lovely service, my maam was an alcholic, she had her reasons that turned her to the drink, we sprayed the coffin with beer and put some beer in her coffin.

It helps me somehow just to type it out.

My partner had a hart attack not so long back and now my maam and it making me feel ill, i feel ll sureal and wondering if he might end up carking it then what will i do?

Dont get me wrong apart from being agrophobic hes been relativly all right, apart from my partner and my kids i dont have many people in my life.

Having an Sen child whos really violent doesnt help either.

sorry just wanted to get my thought down.

Hello shazza I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you have other family around to give you some support. It's a very sad time in your life, but it won't always be like that, even though I'm sure you will really miss her. In time you will carry on and live your life,Much the same as the rest of us really. Have you a good friend who can help you through ?