Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

i think you were brave to go there, i have been past mums house since her husband moved but its part of a set of houses and tucked round the corner so you cant see the house from the road. i wouldnt go round there, i was tempted when i realised my dress had been left to go and ask but figured the council would of got rid of it when clearing the place. I think like ML said if you had the support of your siblings it would of made a huge difference. I am feeling similar now as my nan and grandad have had bouts of ill health, they are arguing a lot and we are struggling to keep being there as much as could do with being as we all have our thing things that also need doing and it gets me so annoyed that her other daughter or son know nothing of it and dont get in touch. I would like to think they would regret it when they no longer can but i dont think they will some people just arent like that - perhaps we all are and thats why it cuts so bloody deep them not being here.

I bought a second hand present for christmas for ds this week its something that he has always wanted that has been discontinued and its amazing, really pleased with it, its great and only cost £10 he will be thrilled.

I am a bit down this afternoon. A 23 yr old girl in my road died and her funeral began in my road at lunchtime. It is so close to my own sisters anniversary, who was also young it has bought it all back.
Then I was in a cafe with dh and I said " I hope my cakes turn out ok " ( making diamond wedding cake ) and he said " I hope so too as all the experts will be there, your mum ..... I nearly fell off my chair. What was he thinking. He has now left for boys hol in Spain, so I have some peace.

God how could he forget mummylin!! that really takes the biscuit, am sure he didnt mean to say that but what a thing to say, you must have been gobsmacked. maybe the bit of time hes away will give you a bit of a break, dh goes nowhere and hes always here, wish he could go with your dh! how sad for the young girls family who died, what an terrible shock losing someone that young, and I can understand it bringing up feelings from when your sister died. These losses never go away, do they . I hope you are sitting with a glass of wine and a good movie on, enjoying the peace!

sm, I understand about you saying it seems to cut deeper for some of us, I think thats why we're all drawn to this thread, it feels like we all feel the same here and we all know family or friends who seem to move on staright away and have no regrets..I guess we are all just different I suppose. and well done you for starting Xmas shopping, I havent thought of starting yet!

Her funeral went past our house. She had four beautiful white horses and a glass carriage. Her coffin was covered by photos of her. A real tragedy.
I really think he absolutely did forget ssd ! Then he said the time has passed quickly, so of course I could only say not for me it hadn't.
Anyway he has just text , so has one of my brothers, they are all in the hotel having a meal , rabbit according to my brother !
I still am not having a peaceful evening cause my son is staying with us and his wife has come round to see him, I will be glad when their house is finished. Dil stays with her dad two mins away and I have ds and their son. It happens about every 18 months when they move house ! But this time it's for longer as there is such a lot they have had done including extension etc .

Ugh mummylin being descended upon like that.
The young girl's funeral sounds beautiful but so, so sad. Her poor family. Parents should not outlive their children. They just shouldn't.

I don't really mind hearts this house is always open house, but sometimes I enjoy an hour just on my own. It's a rare thing most of the time !

Hope you are getting some peace ML. think it makes all of the difference :) Busy week here this week hopefully me and dp will feel a bit better whatever we have both had is dragging on now!

I hope everyone is getting along ok and each day is just a little bit easier, especially for the latest posters. I know how tough it is.
Thinking of everyone at this time

Where does the time go, it just seems to fly by. Here's hoping that everyone is ok and coping . One day at a time I would say. Thinking of you all.

hope you're okay too, mummylin

I am fuming :( Ds has had a really difficult time recently at school with numerous problems his confidence has always been really low and im busting my arse trying to help him see his good qualities and feel better about things but my grandparents are driving me crazy, mainly gd. he is always putting him down. comparing him to my Dnephew ( not my gd grandson as my half sister but they see him regularly) they are 4 years apart but always saying oh dnephew rides his bike ds does not, he needs to learn he will never learn. dnephew looks so cute all the time ds why do you wear black all the time its horrible and doesnt suit you.

I spoke to them and though we had turned a corner with always putting him down but i went there today with ds and ss and it was the same my gd started about his bike again and how i should enrol him on a course and tell him he has too go ( my ds idea of hell he would hate this) and that ss was so much more outgoing and wanted to do more where ds is only interested in a staying in. Then he said infront of ds and ss that ds should get free sessions at swimming because "all the plump children get in free i saw it on tv"

I am so pissed off right now but you do you know what they are the same with me, I do so much and visit all the time but they constantly put me down and say what i could have achieved if i had only tried harder,stuck it out,saved more money.

Sorry for the rant, my hearts breaking for my little ds who just wants people to love him for who he is not what they want him to be!

Hi SM . Sorry you have this problem. It hurts dòsent it when you see your child upset. I don't think that children should be compared anyway as each child is different and does different things in their own time. I am surprised your GP,s are doing this as I thought you all got on well.
You may have to bite the bullet and have another word with them and stress how much it's upsetting you and Ds. They probably don't realise they are doing it so often, but if they do then that's really unkind of them.
Hi SSD yes I'm fine although edging nearer to the two anniversaries and getting more agitated. Will be glad when those dates are gone, been thinking about it for weeks it seems. It's tough when there are only a couple of days between them.

SM, thats rotten, you need to have a word with him about this, if its upsetting your ds and he cant even see it!! poor wee soul! x
mummylin, I know this is a difficult time of year, will be thinking about you x

Hello everyone hope your all doing ok, things are getting easier here I think I miss her horribly but I'm learning to live without her it will take a while though I assume. I've got a meeting on the 4th with the hospital about the lack of care and treatment I'm dreading it I don't know if I want to even go but I really need too if they'd treated her right I wouldn't be in this situation!

It's a horrible position to be in Queen but I think for your own peace of mind you need to hear what they have to say. If you think there has been anything that they did wrong then I would advise you to go and see a solicitor. It's an awful time isn't it. And sometimes you think you are coping and moving on with life, then something happens and you think about it all over again and you feel like you have gone back to the beginning once more. . I hope you will get answers to your questions.

How are you doing mlin? abd everyone? the dark nights are leaving me sat in the house contemplating a lot, i love autumn its my favourite time ive been volunteering with a local group and keeping myself really busy in the run up to mums birthday next wednesday. finding it hard though, harder than previously maybe because it felt like other people still remembered her now it seems like they dont and its like shes getting further and further away. im going to buy a living memory locket and fill it with charms to do with her.

thanks for letting me rant the other day, i spoke to him when i was there alone this week and your right ml we get on very well ( this is dads side) so it was difficult but he seemed quite shocked to hear that he was so upset and that he didnt mean to upset him, told him thats as maybe but he did and he needs to think about the things he is saying. hope he starts doing as ds didnt want to go there this week when he thought we were going so he does need to think on about that.

what have you all been up too?

Super that sounds like a really positive conversation about it actually. Hope your DS is ok.

Queen I will be thinking of you. What a horrible process to have to go through - I agree with mummylin that it is important for your own peace of mind and for the memory of your DMum.

We came to Canada yesterday, Dad's memorial is on Friday. We are calling it a Memorial Celebration and I hope that is exactly what it is. Today I have been an organising whirlwind, emailing people, deciding on wine, organising the family dinner after, speaking to the people who are making speeches, deciding who is sleeping where when my DBro and family arrive on Thursday (there will be 9 of us in my parents' house). It feels good to be busy and so great to be here with my mum. We are getting along so well, it is great. We have had a tempestuous relationship in the past but now it feels effortless and I am so grateful.

DD1 has written a poem that she is going to read on Friday. I will be a blubbering mess. I have to work on my remarks - I am speaking for "the family". How do you condense your father's life, everything he did and achieved and the love you felt for him into a four minute eulogy. Fuck.

That is tough I am sure whatever you say will be the right thing and from the heart, it's hard to limit everything when we could probably talk for hours. How very brave of your dd what a lovely tribute

That is tough I am sure whatever you say will be the right thing and from the heart, it's hard to limit everything when we could probably talk for hours. How very brave of your dd what a lovely tribute

hi girls, have been reading the thread and thinking of you all, I would write hope you're all okay, but I know underneath it all we're not! so I'll write am thinking of you all and sending out hugs where needed ....

the nights are drawing in here, its time to start thinking about halloween and bonfire night and Christmas....isn't it just too weird how time moves on, even when we want it to stand still a bit? since mum died I've been so aware of how time passes and how life goes by and I'm always saying to myself this time is precious, you should be out there enjoying it more, once its gone its gone, but somehow its never like that is it, you (or maybe its just me) spend so much time worrying over the kids/money/the future that I forget to relax and try to enjoy the present. Both my mum and dad said things to me in the days/weeks before they died and I often think of this and think "try to relax and stop worrying" but its so hard isnt it, I'm one of life's great worriers, I'm an anxious person and I find it hard just to let things go...but the older I get I'm realising worrying changes nothing anyway....

Guys im so glad i found this thread and i hope you dont mind me joining, i lost my mother last week and i am trying to keep strong for my kids at the moment, i know my mum wouldnt have wanted me sitting around moping, i just want to talk online as much as i can hopefully helping my feelings, does this make sense?

Shazza welcome to the thread no one really wants to join. I am sorry for your loss

Your approach totally makes sense and this thread is a great support.

How old are your DC? How are they coping?

Dad's memorial yesterday went really well. Lots of people and everyone who spoke said amazing things about him.

But.

There was a bit of a RIdICULOUS thing between my brother and my father in law at the end of the evening, after we had all gone out for dinner, FIL was joking around and DBro took it seriously, DH got involved but then stepped back. Complete and utter stupidity and I am SO pissed off at DBro for being such a drama queen and yet again making it all about him. Got home last night (DBro and i and our families are all staying at my mum's) and instead of having a nice peaceful evening reflecting on my dad and the memorial, I was anxious and distracted and pissed off about the end of the evening. This morning I can barely look at him and he is acting like nothing happened.

Glad it all went ok hearts but what a shame the special day was spoilt at the end. I think people's emotions are all over the place, hopefully your brother will find the grace to apologise. When do you come home ? And how is your mum doing ?

Happy birthday mum, where ever you are I hope you are free from pain. I am always missing you,life is less colourful without your wicked sense of humour.