Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

tilliebob I'm still in that phase. I know I ought to be thinking about it and dealing with it, but I feel like I would crack and never recover, and my children (and my mum) need me to keep going. I don't feel I have the liberty of crumbling.
So I keep pushing it out of my head.
I know I ought to be arranging some counselling through the hospice, but I just can't face it at the moment.

Just do things in your own time tea when you feel more ready to deal with things. The help will still be there.

I felt like that tea - that I had to keep going for my family and my mum. Over the last ten months there have been times when I have allowed my emotions to rise to the surface and other times I have had to squash them a bit. I was dreading today, my dad's birthday, but actually it has been ok. Be kind to yourself.

Just a word of warning, when my sister died at only 26 I had to be the strong one for my mum, I never cried in front of her, or my brothers as they were all so upset. But ten months later I cracked and was then off work with a terrible depression. Please don't bottle it all up.

Sorry i havent been around much, lots going on and absolutely full of a cold. How is everyone doing? Been missing mum lately more than usual lots going on here and could do with her advice or just to tell me its not just me! a conversation i had with someone has been playing on my mind, I hope she knows that i didnt begrudge looking after her, i enjoyed spending the days there even if she was sleeping just knowing that i knew she was ok.

I feel like that too sm, there were years of looking after mum when the kids were young and I really didnt have time to do it but had no choice, there was no one else but me here, and sometimes I went to mums with my face tripping me as I was feeling pulled in all directions....I really hope she didnt notice.

Oh gosh so sorry for your neice mummylin...

Hi everyone. I've not checked in for a while. I've been feeling sadder and sadder about dad recently. It's like I've got through 8 months without seeing him and now I just want to see him again. Can't believe he's not here.
My little one is 3.5 months now... madness! Waking x6 a night which isn't helpful!
Anyway mum is here at the mo, we watched the film of the speeches at my wedding so we could see dad again.
It's so raw for you queen - the daily rawness does subside and things will get better. Just take a day at a time xx

Hi everyone . Sorry some of you are still finding it so hard to cope.
I have been to the crem today to,put new flowers and dig up,the last of the summer plants, I intend to plant some miniature daffs if I can find some. I find it unbelievable that my mum is there. I don't think I will ever get over the sadness.

Just seen this thread on active and hope you don't mind me joining in. My dad died just over 2 years ago but it would have been his birthday today. He had been seriously ill and deteriorating for several years before he died and also had dementia. When he died I actually felt quite a lot of relief as finding the right care for him was getting very stressful and it was having a very negative affect on my mum' s health too.
This year I' ve missed him more and felt sadder, I think because I am now remembering him more as he was before he got ill. My relationship with both my parents has been complex and not always the best or easiest, so I think I' m mourning some lovely aspects of my dad, but also somehow the dad I never had too!

Hi educating it's very strange how our minds work. Sometimes it seems the more time passes the worst the grief seems to get. But I am glad that you can remember some good stuff with your dad.and to remember him as he was before his illness mst be some sort of comfort. When he died , that wasn't your dad, that was the illness talking. Your dad was the one that you are now remembering. I hope those memories stay at the forefront of your mind rather the memories from when he was ill.

Being a grown up isn't for me today the letters have started rolling in about her unpaid debts, the council want money they accidentally overpaid, the DWP want my details including bank details in case they over paid all of which I shall need to pay back as she had no estate. She died penniless, I am having to sell everything that's not pinned down to pay for her funeral. I was receiving caring allowance when then that stops I'll need to get a job quick as I'llhave literally nothing but child tax. Sorry for the moan, hope your all ok.

Oh queen ! What a difficult position you are in, can you get any help with funeral costs from benefit people, I know when my neighbours dh died she couldn't pay for it , so they did and even gave her a few pound for a bunch of flowers. It's worth an ask at least.
Hope you can sell as much as possible, although it must be very upsetting for you.

queen, try to see if you can apply for bereavement allowance, I was in your position but didnt get it as I had siblings with good jobs who could afford to pay for mums funeral, except they didnt...all mums savings went on it.

mum had a council property and not much savings too, and all the benefits she got stopped as soon as she died, also the housing and council benefit, which I had to pay for 4 weeks until I gave the keys back.

I'm sorry. It was such an awful, dreadful time for me and I'm so sorry you're going through it

How are you doing Queen?

Hope you manage to sort out the allowances queen and get some help.
what a horrible situation for you..

I am seriously about to lose my shit today, really bad mood. dp is being an utter arsehole the kids are trying my patience and finances are shot. Ive had enough right about now. i want my mum

sm and

I have mellowed somewhat, dp still being ridiculous over the issue he has with work on the house but im leaving him to sort that one out
How are you doing :)

still shite the same! am very worried about the tax credit cuts coming on next year, we will lose £65 a week, what with that and ds's child benefit going...god only knows what we'll do...

It's ridiculous isn't it, not like you can do much more than you are already doing but still the cuts keep coming. Its very wrong.

I'm applying for so many jobs and getting nowhere, when I was younger, pre kids, I got just about everything I applied for but now the world has changed and my confidence has gone and even though I'm applying for things I have loads of experience in, I'm hardly even getting an interview...its hellish....I want to work more but cant get anything.

Hope you feel better today, sm x

Hello everyone. ssd I hope something will turn up fir you soon. That is a lot of money to lose each week and I would be worried sick. Where on earth are people meant to make that up. Bloody goverment haven't fit a clue how normal people live have they.
SM hope things have now calmed down with your DP. I am lucky as dh going away on Sat for 5 whole days, with 5 others including two of my brothers.mi am so looking forward to having some peace and quiet !
I have been up the crem again, that's twice in a few days, but I wanted to put some little miniature daffs in ready for the spring time. Managed to dodge the heavy rain showers and get it all done. I hope those damn squirrels don't dig them up !
Had a bit of a scare with my aunty this week ( my mums sister ) but glad to say that for now a major op has been averted.
Hope everyone is getting on as well as they can.

I drove round past mums tonight. I dont know why, just felt the need to go, I told them here I was going for milk. I'm looking for my roots, but they're gone. Its all so familiar but theres nothing there. A horrible, empty feeling. Feel like I'm looking for mum and dad but they're nowhere to be found. I know they're in my heart but its not enough. Its never enough.

You are braver than me ssd, dh was going to drive down my mums road yesterday to take a short cut, but I had to tell him not to as I cannot bear to go down that road again. I would hate to see someone else in her garden or even standing at her front door.

Its because its the only link I have to the past now. Sometimes I just need to take a drive out there and walk around. But its all gone, the council gutted the house when mum left and the garden has totally gone to pot. I sneaked up to the front door and touched it, but it was cold. My dad painted that door over 20 years ago and it still looks well done. I'm trying to find a link to mum and dad but there's nothing there, just memories. I drove away just knowing my roots are gone. I envy my brother and sister their detachment from their roots and my parents, they feel the opposite to me, they aren't looking for anything because there hasn't been anything there for them for years, even when mum was still here. My brother said to me once why do you ever go to (where we came from), he couldn't understand my attachment to the place and he looked at me like I was mad. I guess they have new roots now, and the old ones meant nothing to them for a very long time, whilst they meant everything to me and I cant shake them off. I pine for it all. I wish this feeling would go away but I don't know if it ever will. I guess I just miss them so deep its got lodged in me now.

I think you would be in a better place if you had had the support you needed from your siblings at the time. But you didn't so you were basically on your own to deal with everything. They haven't been kind to you at all have they. I can understand your hurt.
My siblings were supportive and we are all close, but I don't understand why no- one goes to the crem apart from special days. But I bite my tongue and continue to see to the two graves myself.
And I also understand why you go to your " special " places in search of something to connect to. I would be upset by the garden, if I was brave enough to go there.