Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Hi queen. Please don't think you failed your mum. If she needed medical attention you did the right thing by sending her to hospital to be treated by professionals. Sounds like the hospital is taking your complaint seriously which is good. Hope you get some answers x

It was my Dads funeral today. It was horrible, difficult and lovely all rolled into one. He would have loved seeing all of his grandchildren together for the first time.
I don't know if it gets easier or harder from here on in.

i dont think it gets harder or easier just different. which i suppose isnt much comfort but that feeling of despair does lessen. I think what you say is true about how they would of loved seeing everyone together i thought just that at mums how she would of loved to see everyone and catch up then realised it would never of happened. I had a cousin say to me afterwards that he had a really great time catching up with everyone and i was fuming about it. still annoys me now but i suppose losing mum didnt effect him like it did us since he hardly saw her

agree sm, my relatives were posting pictures from mums funeral the next day on fb, like it was a great day out....I deregged and didnt go back.

I'm less angry now, I'm by it all.

" Don't crematoriums have plans that would show where the plaque is? " no I mean I dont even remember what crem it was....

twm I'm sure if you know the borough and can phone the right dept someone will be able to help you. I would think you just need to give them name date of death and place. Don't give up. Actually you may be able to find a record of some kind on the net if you search. Hope you can locate it.
summer I am glad today is over for you. It is a bitter sweet time and I think it's a difficult day to cope with. But amazingly we all do.
queen I am glad. That you have had a least a reply from the hospital. Do tell them all your grievances and hopefully they will either investigate if that is what is needed, or put your fears to rest.
You did what you thought was the right thing for your mum at the time, you didn't fail her.
ssdthat is shocking about relations putting photos on Facebook. Some bloody people have no respect at all.
SM hope things are going ok for you.
Thinking of everyone starfish badvoc T

Things are going, not sure you would describe them as well but they could be worse!

how are you?

How is everyone?

I have a question mum is buried in a woodland area where you are supposed to plant woodland plants i havent done much lately as mums husband pulled up something my nan planted and really upset her and i didnt want to risk the same thing happening with more but since he moved away he hasnt been back at all not for special occasions or otherwise, he never answers my texts do you think i would be wrong to just go ahead and plant

I'd go ahead sm, you are well within your rights to do this, I'd be beyond furious with him if he pulled it up, your poor nan, did he know she;d planted it?

I think so he said they looked dead. It was awkward as he thought they were going to help him pay for funeral as did mum but when time came they didnt and said they couldnt so since he paid for the plot he was quite rigid about how things should be and noone felt they could argue but now hes not going and it looks awful

what have you been up too ssd?

oh thats sad!

well, I've not been up to too much, was off work for a few days as full of the cold. other than that just the usual, asda, football etc, nothing too exciting!

what about you, are things a bit calmer at home now?

Yes I would go ahead and plant SM. It will make you feel better knowing that it's looking nice there.same question as ssd from me ?

Things are calmer, think ive resigned myself to the fact its not going to happen. We need to earn more and since dps job are getting rid of hours the only logical thing is for me to find something too not sure how thatll work with the kids especially ds as there is nowhere for him to go on the days dp is asleep or on nights if i was working so have to just keep an eye out. We need to do something though. I will do the planting i think this time, it should look nice. how are you? sorry to hear about the cold hope you are feeling better now

Maybe things will be different in the future ! You never know what fate has in store. I think a cloud has just burst here, it's absolutely pouring down !

She was taken to the chapel of rest today and although they said I couldn't see her the undertaker let me go in with the casket open. She was so beautiful, peaceful she had a horribly hard life, her health was bad especially her mental state. That's all forgotten she is with my brother who died 27 years ago I could tell by her expression even all her wrinkles are gone! I'm so happy I said goodbye today I stroked her face told her I loved her, thanked her and apologised. I miss her so much but I'm so much happier she's at peace now.

Queen that has brought a tear to my eye. My dad looked so peaceful too, and pain free for the first time in years.

Plant away, sm. Her place of rest is every bit as much "yours" as his.

for everyone.

queenthat is such a lovely post.
How is everyone else doing ? Have a splitting headache at the moment so not going to be on MN much tonight. Been a very stressful day one way or another. Thinking of you all

I think about this thread when I'm not on it too. Hope everyone is doing ok xx

I can't sleep. Combination of jetlag and thinking about dad. I got back from Canada late on Tuesday night and then went straight to work on Wednesday and had three really busy days. So now that I have a bit of downtime it's all coming flooding in....

Tomorrow is DD1's birthday so that will be a very good distraction.

For all those who have had recent losses, I am thinking of you. It is turmoil now but the calm does come.
Wenesday will be my dads first snniversary. I have ridden the rollercoaster of grief for a whole year. Of course it doesnt feel like a year, it feels like a couple of months at most.
I have learnt to cope with it all much better and I mostly am able to stop tormenting myself about the end.
It is surrising how within the same family, each person reacts with grief differently.
I'm upset right now because having just popped in to my mums with flowers and a card because it is their wedding anniversary today, the first without my dad, she has told me she has invited four of her friends to come to the cemetry with us on Wednesday
I had booked time off work for the day months ago and had asked many times for us, that is me, my mum, my sister and my grandad to spend some time together to get through the day and go to the cemetery as a family.
Now this won't happen.
We have booked a meal too for us all and these friendd will be at the meal which is lovely and we will raise a toast to my dad. But I had thought we might have some privacy at the grave. To me it feels very intrusive.
Of course I am the unreasonable one for thinking this, my mum doesnt see a problem with it and she said my sister is fine with it.
So I know my mum and sis will now be moaning about me and how awkward I am. But I just don't want sn audience, its going to be really hard.
So I will probably go alone, with my DD now.

Hi candy.
Gosh I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I wouldn't want an audience, it's certainly a very private thing to do. I guess you mum wants the support of her friends and can't see why you might prefer to just go with close family. I hope it doesn't cause an issue for you and you can mark your dad's year anniversary in the way you want. I know what you mean about how quickly time goes - 7 months for me now and yet it feels like yesterday.
I had some good news in that my sister is moving home as her r ship didn't work out. Means my mum will now have her 10 mins down the road instead of 4 hrs away. It was breaking my heart to think of mum on her own (I'm 6hrs away!), but thankfully she won't be for much longer...
How is everyone today?

Crikey, for the first time ever this thread wasnt on my " threads I'm on " !
candy I don't think you are being unreasonable at all to prefer to keep this special day to family, so you are probably doing the right thing by going on your own. Will you be ok with having your mums friends at the meal ? I would feel the same as you.
Well my niece is having her first scan on Oct 30th which gave me a bit of a jolt , because that's the day my mum died. But for my niece it will be a happy day instead of sadness, as she was so close to my mum.
When I went up the crem on Sunday to do my sisters and mums flowers, I told my sister she was going to be a nan. ! It would be lovely to think she knows , she would be so proud.
Isn't it a blow when the site goes down, I feel completely lost !

I've away the last 24hrs so rhat has my mind occupied.
I have idea what will happen tomorrow as my mum has not been in touch.
I will just see how it goes.
A baby scan can be a very exciting time x

Candy good luck (? not sure if that is exactly what I want to say but hopefully you know what I mean) for tomorrow - I hope you are able to have the time and privacy you need for your dad and your memories of him. for you.xx

It was my mums funeral yesterday it was lovely but hardly anyone turned up all her friends and there was 25 of us!! The wake 10 turned up leaving us with a buffet for 70 going to waste. The minister took most of it thankfully, she also couldn't be laid to rest with my brother as she wished he was buried at 2ft instead of the 6 marked in the book. Because my mum bought and paid for the plot 27 years ago the council have offered too pay for him to be exhumed and a then a reburial. This could be next week or next year depends when a judge signs the order. I was really against doing this I'm having a small service for him when it does happens I am dreading seeing his little coffin..

I am sorry queen that things didn't turn out as you had planned. Was it your mums wish to be buried with your brother ? I'm sure everything would be very dignified if you decide that this will happen. I am sorry that you have lost your mum, don't hesitate to post if you need to offload at all. Or if you just need to have a friendly ear, there is nearly always someone who pops on.