Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Some days are just like that aren't they Mrs mummy.... no rhyme or reason to it. Hope you feel ok this evening x

Thank you and I am so very sorry for all of your losses .

I'm feeling a little better I am going to register her death and start the ball rolling for funeral arrangements unfortunately looks like the day its self will be my birthday... I feel less foggy tonight m hoping for some sleep tonight.

I don't often contribute to this thread as I sometimes find it quite hard to do.

I wasn't close to my mother. I live in the UK she lived in Denmark. She was not very interested in my children and over the years I learnt to "accept it" I felt hurt but I learnt you can't force people to be interested. I loved her and I believe she loved me. However her life was focused on my sister brother and niece. she showed only vague interest in me and my family. In return over the years my visits to Denmark stopped as I didn't wish to expose my children to the so obvious favouritism.

I read the posts about grave stones and how some of you don't get why some do not go there with flowers. I was very hurt and posted on here about it when my sister stepdad and niece went to pick the stone and didnt consider consulting me about the matter. Result is I right now do not want to go near the grave as I don't think I can feel ok about it. I will barely ever get to lay flowers there as I do not live close enough. Florists do not deliver to x grave plot on y graveyard.

Doesn't mean I don't care she is gone. Nor does it mean that I do not miss her or wish she was still around.

Today I received a text from my sister. The first lot of money from my mothers estate is in her and my brothers bank accounts. (I have not yet received it as well again I am in the UK so taking longer) So today I feel the loss of my mother a huge deal. It feels odd to know that she is gone. I still wish she had been more interested in my children. I wish she was still here. I miss the mother I remember from my childhood and when she was happy everything was good around. I wish my children would have met that woman.

Dear Queen welcome to the thread that no one really wants to be a part of.

Mrsmummy sorry you are struggling today.

My dad died 2 weeks ago today. It still seems very unreal. I don't think I have accepted it yet. I still think he is in the hospital or something, waiting for us to visit. It's all very strange. My mum hasn't cried very much either (that I know of). Aren't there 4 stages of grief and the first one is denial or disbelief? I think I must be stuck in that one. I think I am on automatic pilot trying to get as much done as possible while I'm here. God the amount of admin.

My brother is heading back home this afternoon (he lives a 5 hour flight away) and mum and I are going to miss him SO much. I am worried about what is going to happen to her and how she is going to cope when I leave on Tuesday to come back to London (a 7 hour flight). I wish she would agree to come back with me. It would do her so much good to see my kids and just be around people but she doesn't want to leave the house.

My dad's ashes are sitting here in the living room on his favourite chair.

Enkop that sounds like a very difficult situation

Tell your children lots of stories about your mum, how you remember her. They will learn through you.

My children are old enough to have their own memories of her. My youngest is 11. So whilst I do at times speak of how I remember her they will have their own memories and will stick with that I guess.

My dad and step dad are still alive so I will aim to forge a relationship thats closer to them.

heart, dont read too much into the theory of the stages of grief, its never as clear cut as that makes it out, its a rollercoaster and how you feel is just how you feel, at first I clung to the thought I'd go through stages then wake up one day and it would be over and I'd be better, but sadly it doesnt work out like that, dont be too hard on yourself, be kind to yourself and take it day by day

I saw my Dads body today. But it wasn't him. After almost 3 weeks his face had changed. His nose and mouth were completely different shapes. I don't know if I should have gone or not.

Summer is was similar with my dad, he looked awful :( my mum & sisters found it very upsetting, I didn't like looking at him but I found great comfort in being there with him one last time x

I'm not having a very good day ;( I'm exhausted & been on the verge of tears all day, so I'm finally having a good cry x

X chicken noodle hopefully you will feel better after a good cry.

I sent my husband out earlier so I could howl and not have him trying to comfort me. I just needed to let it out.

I fel so sad for you chicken and summer it is good to have a good cry and release some of the tensions you are both feeling. It is all such a sad time. I have no idea how people cope when they lose several people at one time, in terrible disasters or something. They are stronger people than me.
In time you will both have longer times in between the crying days and you will be able to cope a bit better with the situation.
heart I agree with ssd. You cannot go by the books, everyone is different and reaches different stages in their own time. Some people can cope quite quickly others it takes so much longer and for some,they will never recover from it.
It is a heartbreaking situation for everyone who loses someone they love, but hopefully although we can never forget our loss we can all move on to have a new "normal "
for all of us on this thread.

Found out yesterday through the GP who helped me get my mum into hospital my mum was not treated properly she had failing organs and was on a short stay ward! She caught the infection in hospital. I'm in two minds whether to complain? Money was also stolen from her purse at the hospital.

I feel less numb my brain can't process much though, we registered her death yestertday and arranged the funeral. Its not until the 22nd but the undertaker says I can go sit with the coffin, its closed but I think I want to see her one last time I'm aching to hold her hand. Im not sure they will let me um going to choose flowers today, this feels so bloody sureal though!

Hello queen I am sorry for the loss of your mum.
If you think that your mum died through negligence I certainly would pursue it, and the stolen money. Although this may be a separate issue.
You must be feeling distraught at what has happened, can you go and see a solicitor who deals with medical issues and get their advice,this may help you to make your mind up.
It's beyond belief isn't it that you can go into hospital and pass away from an illness actually caught in that hospital.
Hope you can come to a decision which will satisfy you, please let us know how you get on

Hi all.

It's been a while since I've been here. I'm starting to worry so much about things. I've forgotten how my mum's voice sounded. How her hair looked as she hated her picture being taken. I've forgotten her laugh, smile and how her skin felt when I kissed her goodbye.

I'm hoping to go up to the Crematorium in October but I need more than that. I'm not well just now so I don't think that is helping.

I felt her stroking my hair last night and lying next to me. I know to some that sounds ridiculous but I knew it was my mum.

Maybe that's why I feel I'm 'losing' the day to day her I had?

Sorry again for just jumping in. Sending love to you all xxx

Thank you summer & mummylin ... I'm still upset, it's not really to do with my dad or at least the main reason isn't I just feel so alone, I don't know if I'm acting/thinking rationally right now, it's horrible ... I feel kind of traumatised by an experience I've recently had, it's really shaken me & I just want to hide & cry my confidence in myself is shattered ... I'm going to enquire about counselling tomorrow x

chicken obviously I don't know what has happened but it has obviously been distressing for you and probably made your feelings from your loss surface. So you have a double whammy. Do go for counselling if that is what you feel you need. Or talk to us. You can send me a PM if you like

my mum died quite a few years ago but I think about her every day.
What upsets me is that when she died there was no memorial stone or anything, just a crem service and her ashes put on a flower bed in the garden.

Anyway about a year later (yes really) my stepfather remarried and his new wife and kids moved in to my mum's house (me and brother got paid off so not complaining about that).

Well he was a right twonk , drinking again and all, and after about another year she was on the phone to me saying 'why didnt you tell me what he was like'? the poor good woman.

Anyway they had to sell the house to divide their assets and that was that.
There is literally nowhere that commemorates my mum.
I think there might have been a plaque at the crem but I cannot even remember where that was.

I now have no idea where stepfather lives now (and lost touch with his new wife too) and it is all just really sad, as though mum never existed and that me and bro dont need to know about this plaque.

Actually it is fucking tragic.

hi girls, please forgive me if I dont answer everyone but I just wanted to say a quick hello to mouseface, its so nice to hear from you again. I know exactly what you mean about forgetting, I think the brain plays tricks on you, I can remember friends mums and older relatives voices but \i absolutely struggle to bring back mum or dads, I think I'm trying too hard and it just wont happen . And yes, I totally agree that was your mum next to you xxx

chicken, I'm sorry your hurting

(((()))) mouseface - yes it must have been her, still looking after you xx

Hi chicken - sorry you are having a particularly hard time. Counselling could be a great way to sort through what's going on for you. I had some years ago and it was really beneficial.

Twm - that is v sad. Can you ring the crems in your area to ask about your mum's plaque. Maybe they keep the names on a database or something? (Your use of the word twonk made me chuckle!)

Don't crematoriums have plans that would show where the plaque is? I don't know just wondering.

So something has been playing in my mind and I don't know if I'm being ridiculous or not. On the night my dad died I was waiting for a call or a text to tell me how he was doing. He had been rushed to hospital but I had no idea how serious it was. I was dropping off to sleep when I saw, in a half dream, my dad in his dressing gown coming down the stairs in my house. I had a feeling of " oh there you are!" And woke suddenly. He died a couple of hours later. Was it just a dream as he was on my mind or was it him saying goodbye? I don't usually believe in woo stuff so maybe I'm clinging to it for some sort of comfort?

TWM you certainly will be able to find out if there is a plaque! either by ringing the crem or getting in touch with bereavement services in your local council. Good luck with that.
summer that must be comforting to you if you feel that was your dad saying goodbye.
ssd thinking of you as ever.
Hello mouse nice to see you again.
To anyone who is grieving we all understand on this thread

Twm that must be very very difficult indeed. DDad's ashes are going to be interred in the family plot in the city where we are originally from, my grandparents are there already along with some other family members and it is where DH and I will probably end up eventually. I have been to visit the family "grave" and find it immensely comforting. I hope you can find the plaque at the crematorium

I've heard back from the hospital already less than 48 hours after I emailed my complaint they called me, the lady was very apologetic and wants me too go for a meeting. Not sure what to expect from that I just want the hospital to reconise they failed her like I did she begged me not to send her to hospital and I did. Funerals not for another week its dragging in..