Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Just need to talk. Ok so as some of you know my mother died a little over three months ago one week before my youngest son turned one my eldest is two we didn't really know how to explain to the kids where nanna went. Obviously my youngest we couldn't and he didn't really noticed nanna wasn't around anymore (which hurts a lot) with my oldest niece and nephew we said that nanna had gone on a special holiday to paradise and my siblings have been dealing with it with each individual child now to my point my two year hasn't really noticed until the last few days (my mum didn't spend as much time with my kids as she did with the others) he's been asking about going to nanna. When we go anywhere I ask him what we are doing who we are going to see that kind of thing and well Thursday and Friday we were going to see my sister who my mum used to live with and so I asked him as normal and as normal said erm auntie kit..... Jaydo.. And then he said nanna that thirst time he's mentioned her so I explained that nanna had gone away and that no we weren't going to see her and that was that till Friday when he did the same again I explained that nanna had gone away and again he accepted it. And then yesterday we had a really nice day out with the MIL and when she dropped us off at the end of the day to my sisters house my son got really upset and had a little mini meltdown asking about his other nanna (my mum) and why he couldn't see her. Why she wasn't here (at my sisters house).

I'm sorry that so long I just needed to get it out I'm struggling so much today with the pain I just don't know what to say to him he doesn't understand bless him

Oh Mrs mummy that's so sad. I hope someone can give you some advice. My eldest is also 2 but was 16 months when my dad died. He looks at his photo and says 'dandad gone' but that's the extent of it, I guess cos we live far away and dad wasn't part of his everyday life. It breaks your heart though doesn't it...

Mrsmummy, can you look on winstons wish, they have lots of advice & books for younger children. If my kids were younger, I would definitely use a book or maybe try Amazon?? x

Starfish ... I really would, I love kids especially babies ???? x

I'm still not sleeping great, now I've got a headache that won't go ... but that could be nerves/stress on top of everything else, I hope everyone else is doing ok x

That's a difficult thing MrsW I have no idea what you would say to such a young child. I don't know if there are any little books to explain to very young children, hopefully someone else will know about this delicate situation.

On a lighter note my niece ( daughter of my sister that died ) is having a baby !!! We are all thrilled and her mum would be so proud. I have never studied so many pregnancy tests as I did on sat eve and yesterday morning ! !! Her dh couldn't see the line , nor her step sister so she sent them all to me ! Finally she used a better test and the result is " pregnant " I could see it on Saturday and so could she, but not the others. It will be a great lift to all the family.

Thats lovely news mummylin, its a great lift to a family a baby coming into the family - and more christmas presents to buy! Really pleased for you all!

My ds was abit older when my mum died he was just over five so it was abit different as he understood what the concept of death meant to a point i think it is a case of just saying what you are and gently explaining each time he asks. there is a number of books if you think they would be suitable on amazon i think one is called badgers parting gifts but im not sure of the content as i didnt end up purchasing it was recommended to me. hope it all works out he will understand in time.

That's lovely news mummylin

MrsmummyWright DS was just three when my dad died. He knew how ill he was, as he had been really retreating from him towards the end (I think he sensed his decline even if he didn't understand it). We were just very honest and clear about it - Granddad was very very poorly and he died. DS seems to have totally accepted it at face value. He occasionally mentions my dad, but usually only to say that he is in heaven. It is a difficult age to explain it to them.

Thank you guys we have a book that was bought for the kids just after my mum died called the invisible string which is pretty good I know there not really anything more I can do than I already am it just hurts explaining it to him. Just want to get it out there because it had been playing on myind all day.

Why does it have to be so damn hard??? Grrr I hate this.

You guys are brilliant I just want t
You to know the support you offer to each other is amazing even though you are all also going through so much

Brilliant news mummylin! How funny about the tests too!!

Hi guys- please can I join?

I have lost both of my parents- my mum when I was 30 and my dad when I was 32. I'm now 36 and I had a baby 7,5 months ago. I'm finding it very hard that neither of them met my child and the lack of support/lack of anyone to ring to ask about baby related things has been really noticeable this year. I sometimes cry when I'm on my own when I think about it. I know it has been several years now but sometimes it doesn't feel any easier. X

You're more than welcome to join us Chattycat78. Even if it is just to rant at how unfair everything seems.

Hello chatty it seems you suffered a loss the same year that my mum died and I completely agree that sometimes it dosent seem any easier at all. Like you we had new babies to welcome to the world ( not mine , my sisters ) who had twins months after mum died. They are now 3 and a half. But already they know who our mum is they can look at her photo and say " that's nanny X " when your child gets a bit older you can gradually introduce her grandparents .I know iis not the same as your parents are no longer here, but memories as they say, are forever and it will be lovely for your child to know things about her grandparents.
It's strange. There are a lot of mums who lose a parent when they are expecting a baby. It's really sad isn't it.

Hi everyone. I've not posted all week as things have been busy. I've been doing ok looking at old photos of my Dad etc. then today I got sent the order of service for the funeral and I'm in pieces again.

Seeing the words " In loving memory" and the date of death in black and white just makes it too real. I'm awake feeling really anxious. He is being cremated and I really don't want him to be burnt.

I remember feeling like that summer- it's completely natural I think. I honestly also don't think u start to even think about feeling even marginally better until after the funeral and burial/cremation as it's sort of a milestone.
Mummy- thanks for the tip- I must admit I hadn't thought about how to introduce my son to my parents but what u suggest makes sense. I suppose it all feels very unfair as I watch my dh s parents with my son and it makes me feel really sad as he only has the grandparents on one side. It must have been hard for your sister giving birth just after your mum died.

Chattycat - I'm pregnant at the moment too, and also have a 2 year old. It hurts me that my children will never know my Dad. I had a bit of a meltdown when MIL came to stay over the bank holiday as it hurt so much seeing her with my son. She is the same age as my Dad was too. It's hard.

congrats on all the pregnancies here, girls, its lovely to hear some good news for a change!

I agree with the poster who said sometimes its just to rant about how unfair everything seems when you have lost a parent, or worse lost both parents, the world seems to be full of other people your age or older with fit healthy parents and close families, its hard to see and just so unfair sometimes.

Its just a relief to come on here and speak to people who get it

Totally. I'm pissed off my dad was only a grandad for 16 months. He always said he couldn't wait to have a little conversation with my son.... but never got the chance.

Its so unfair starfish. My dad died when ds was 7 months old and he never met ds2. Its utter crap.

It's crap. How can someone so important suddenly become someone from the past? My kids will only know my dad as a man in some old photographs.
He will never see my daughter or know her name.

Yep- in the same boat here. Everyone I know still has both parents too and lots of people who don't know me very well often asked when I was pregnant asked if my parents were excited. It was hard having to explain to them that they were both dead. I often have dreams about them with my son so in my own mind I like to believe that they have already met him somehow. i think it helps me cope with it. sorry u guys are in a similar situation.

It's so sad that all these little children will never meet a grandparent. The children and the grandparents have missed out on so much. There is usually such a special bond between them all.
It is a very sad situation to be in.

My mum died this afternoon well yesterday now, it was quick and painless but we never made it too the hospital in time. I'm numb, I've got a pain in my heart and I want it too go away. I can't sleep, I don't want too sleep I'm scared in case I dream about her. I can't even cry I cried at the hospital and when I seen her but not since and I want to cry so so much I want to scream. But most of all I just want my mum.

Oh Queen I am so sorry. We all know exactly what pain you are feeling at this time. Like you. I too had a real physical pain.
It's like a nightmare isn't it that you just want to go away, sadly you then realise it is in fact real.
The first few days are really quite unbearable. But somehow we all get through it. You need all the support you can get, it really does help. The tears that you say won't come, will. You are probably in some sort of shock at the moment as it literally is only a few hours ago.
Do you have family and RL friends who can help you through this ?
This thread is very supportive and whenever you need us someone will be here. Sometimes we just need to rant about something, that's fine, we all need to let off steam now and then.
Do look after yourself, eat something, even something small if you feel you can't face food, and you also need to be able to sleep. No point in making yourself ill.

queenfuri, I'm so sorry to read that.

mummylin, you're right, its such a loss for all concerned, my 2 have no grandparents left and they are the only ones out of all their pals not to have a grandparent to spoil them or come and cheer them on at a match, it absolutely breaks my heart, we try to make it up to them but never will, I just hope they dont feel it too badly. My dad would have loved to have seen my ds's play football, he never seen a grandchild do that and he'd have been in his element.

Queenfuri I'm so sorry love we are all here for you just take it one day at a time some how you will get through it I'm can't say how but you just do sending lots of love to you and your family x

It's hard today not sure why. Just feel like crying constantly today ??