Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

I'm so sorry everyone I haven't written for ages. I am struggling on my phone to use the mobile site and I wanted to write a proper message to you all so kept putting off until I go on the desktop. Which I still haven't managed to do...so I thought I wanted to send a short message in the meantime to say how sorry I am to see new names and also for the old names that helped me so much I'm sorry for you all too still. Will write properly soon but am thinking of you all.

dyne

lovely message dyne thank you and I look forward to "meeting" you more on here, despite the horrible circumstances.

I have a couple of old friends I haven't heard from but I have decided not to think about that right now. I can't grieve for friendships and DDad at the same time!

A week tomorrow. In some ways it feels like months and in other ways moments ago. It is weird, I don't miss him the way he was in his last few days/weeks because he was so ill and in so much pain, but I miss the old him and can't quite believe I am never going to have another conversation with him again. So it's a weird mix of being relieved that he is gone but really sad. He got diagnosed with cancer just as he was retiring at age 70, he and my mum had such an exciting retirement to look forward to, and it was just stolen from them.

I am looking forward to the next few days though. We (DMum, DBro and I) have some meetings in the city with bankers etc tomorrow, then we are going to pick Dad up from the crematorium (I cannot bring myself to say "his remains" and even "his ashes" is too hard at this point) and heading up to the family cottage. He loved that place, it's right on Georgian Bay and just beautiful. We are going to scatter some of his ashes up there which I think he would approve of. It is so calm and quiet up there, I think the 3 of us really need a break.

just checking in while on laptop to see how you all are im not a huge fan of the mobile site either so its been keeping me off. how is everyone?

sounds like you do need the break and im sure that he would approve of your choice since he liked it so much up there.

feeling like the worst daughter here i havent been up with flowers in so long, ive been finding things really hard and cant face it but she deserves it to be nice up there going to go early next week when i can spend some time on my own.

Hi super try not to feel bad it hard to face going I still haven't been able to face going to funeral home to collect my mothers ashes mainly because I don't want the reminder just sat there and we're not scattering them till next year ( because it's the only time the whole family can be together to do it) ???? sending love to you all

I can understand that, my nan likes to go up to the grave talk and sit,i just find it all so bleak and come away worse. how is everyone today?

Thanks Mrs mummy and tea. Similar to you tea, mum looked after dad for 2 yrs following his diagnosis. She's really shy and used to just enjoy the quiet life going on day trips with dad, walks etc. She's still getting out but doing everything on her own which of course feels pointless and meaningless. Will look into Jolly Dollies - sounds like a great idea. I know it will take a lot for her to do something like that as she is painfully shy but good to let her know different options exist. Thank you.

Hope everyone is ok today. I'm finding the more sleep deprived my 11 week old is making me, the more upset I'm getting about dad! DH is off next week tho so should get a bit of a break.

X

Is there anyone who can have the baby for an hour so you can a little sleep x

hope you managed to get some rest sleep deprivation is the worst and make everything all the harder to deal with. shame we arent all closer we could help each other out!

Hi all again. I haven't been on for a couple of weeks and I'm sorry to see some new posters on here. All your stories are heartbreaking but at least everyone understands your pain on here.

My Dad died a month ago. I'm picking up his ashes tomorrow which I know will be tough, like is that all there is left of him?

The hospital are now investigating his death because it was sudden, which I'm also finding tough. If they found that it was avoidable I don't think I could bear it.

All in all though I'm starting to feel a little stronger. My work is really busy and it's good to escape from the reality of home. I cry alot at night and then I get those pangs of searing pain that I will never see or hear Dad again and that there's no way out of this. I've turned into a weirdo by sniffing one of his jumpers whenever I can. It's a physical sign of him that I can still take in. I also talk to Dad and sometimes I can even hear a response. I know it's all in my head but I find it comforting.

thinking of you all.

Glad you are feeling a bit stronger bonkers I hope you will be ok tomorrow.
Thinking of everyone on this thread. You are not alone

hi everyone!
sm dont feel bad you havent been up there yet, your mum would understand, she wouldnt want you to feel bad, she'd know sometimes life just gets in the way and we cant do it all. I very rarely visit the place mum and dads ashes are, or where they lived, I used to go loads but now it just hits me theres nothing there and its too hard, if I want to feel close to them and I go there and dont feel anything its devastating. How is things with dh now, are you any closer to working out whats bothering you? x

bonkers, I've got clothes of mums here I still sniff and she died 3 years ago (today).

Sadly I don't have any family close by to help out but DH is off for the next week and I've booked in a nap this lunchtime when my toddler goes to bed. Can't wait!!!

to you ssd, I'm sure today will be very poignant for you. Hope you are ok x

Hope your doing okay today ssd and have some time to yourself. It seems such a long time doesnt it but you remember jt like yesterday . not really any closer, realised it's not doable maybe in a few years eh.

I'm doing ok, thanks for asking girls! I'm actually doing really well, I've came to terms with a lot of things lately. I was busy at work today, then I finally sat down for lunch about 1.30 and looked out the window and there was a wee robin, walking around....the first robin I've seen all year and it came out today....and I think that was around the time of day mum died....some of you know how I feel about robins...

anyway, I'm living proof it does get better girls, just give it time and remember to be kind to yourselves, Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say...

Hello everyone I just found this thread. Do you mind if i chat a bit? My dad died a couple of months ago. We had an awful relationship and I'm struggling so much with my feelings about him but still feeling grief at his loss. I'm raging angry at the moment, sometimes I feel quite mentally ill with it. I would like to say more but will come back to it, hope that's OK. Sorry just to talk me me me, no need to respond it's just nice to get it out.

ssd

HellonHeels no need to apologise. Take your time - everyone has been great on this thread for me so I hope it will help you to chat here too.

Hello everyone :)

I've been working abroad the past couple of months, then travelling. I'm home now, and wanted to share something - the kindness of (relative) strangers.

I was working at a summer camp in the USA (the joys of no kids, and no ties :)) and our camp director asked us to dedicate our summer's work to someone.

I chose my granddad, because he was like my dad and I miss him dearly. We were in groups, and talking about who our dedication was for, and I started crying. One of the other staff, didn't say a word, just got up from the table, and put her arms around me. Other people told me it was OK, and that it was a sweet thing to do, but that one act just floored me, it was so kind. She was an awesome staff member too :)

When does it stop hurting quite so much? A song came on the radio when I was travelling after camp with a big group of people who'd been at other camps, and I had to fight back the tears. It'll be 2 years on the 28th of this month, can't believe the time has gone so fast.

Hellon Sorry to hear about your dad. I've just lost mine and like you our relationship was 'complicated' but the angry feelings are dissipating and are replaced with happy memories.

Hi everyone, I'm not really posting because I miss the app !!! I've been busy with the kids, my baby has started secondary school ???? I've still got one to go back on Monday & my eldest is at college so off for another week !!! I seem to be all bouncy & happy ... yet when I'm alone, I have a good cry ???? I think I'm still in denial (maybe even slight shock still) I'm up at the crack of dawn ... I've had a few nights where I just can't sleep, I'm exercising like crazy ???? i guess I'm just trying to enjoy each moment that I can ???? x
Starfish ... if you're anywhere near me, I'd happily come & look after your kids while you rest xx
Supermario ... I hope things are ok now & you're not worrying over things ???? x
To everyone else, I hope you're all doing ok x

Thanks everyone for the kind messages and sharing your experiences. It's helped a lot just letting some of it out and reading other people's feelings.

for all of you

Hello everyone, I'm a first time poster but I've lurked a bit. It's wonderful to know I'm not alone with my ache. My Mum died last October and to be honest I've functioned only with pharmaceutical help. I wish that I had known that Grief is not constant, and suddenly floods in. Thanks for reading and Hello x

Hello daisee sorry you have joined us but it's very supportive on here as we are all in the same boat, and really understand how awful it is to lose someone.how our lives can change so quickly. Hope you can find some support here to help you.
To everyone not posting much tonight as I have a real hacking and annoying cough. Had the cold last week. Which has gone.
Anyway I hope you are all managing to cope this weekend and somewhere you have little moments of happiness.

Bless you chicken - that is a very kind thing to say xx