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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

DH is dying

764 replies

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 14/02/2015 03:11

I don't even know what topic to put this in. My DH had a brain haemorrhage yesterday morning, the doctors have said it's not survivable. He's 60 years old and my best friend as well as my husband, we've been married for 23 years. I was sat at the bedside in ICU yesterday thinking that I wasn't going to post on mumsnet, even though like a lot of us I spend quite a bit of time here and feel like part of the community, but at 3 o'clock in the morning when you're all alone it seems like a good idea.
I got sent home from the hospital 'to try to get some sleep'.

OP posts:
Littlehopeful · 15/02/2015 17:21

So sorry, try and be strong although easier said than done. Thoughts are with you Flowers x

FabULouse · 15/02/2015 21:07

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troubleinstore · 15/02/2015 21:58

Thinking of you tonight...words are sometimes not enough .... Flowers

Heebiejeebie · 15/02/2015 22:14

Thank you so much for the most marvellous decision that you have made, to not allow your husbands organs to go to waste. Thank you a thousand times. I have seen first hand what a difference it makes. Please know that the recipients and the people that love them will be bursting with life and thanks. There is no better tribute to your husband than that.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 15/02/2015 22:37

Thinking of you this evening x

UnalignedAnt · 16/02/2015 00:03

In my thoughts still, OP. Wishing you and yours all the best Flowers

springalong · 16/02/2015 00:27

Sorry for your loss, x

It is a beautiful thing to do to agree organ donation at this time. I have never forgotten over 20 years ago being in ICU with my dad and getting to know a family whose mum then died. The whole family came to ICU the next day dressed smartly in suits and as a family said goodbye and agreed to donate her organs. She helped 6 people. It is an amazing legacy.

daisychain01 · 16/02/2015 04:12

Dearest calculators I loss my DH in similar circumstances and our age difference was very similar. So sad for your loss. There is no easy way to get thru it, just one day at a time. Your love will sustain you, it never gets less only more.

I found sleeping on DHs side of the bed was very comforting.

HazzaB89 · 16/02/2015 05:45

I am so so sorry for your loss. Wishing you comfort & strength. X

OneDecisionMade · 16/02/2015 05:51

Oh my heart goes out to you. I hope you're at least feeling confirmed and supported when you can't sleep. Big hugs. There are no words. But I've seen that there are over 450 responses to your post and that speaks volumes.

OneDecisionMade · 16/02/2015 05:51

Comforted not confirmed.

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 16/02/2015 06:47

Good morning. I managed to sleep from about 1 until 5.30, I did fall asleep on the settee though and only came upstairs at 3.
This morning I have to phone bereavement services at the hospital and arrange to go and get the death certificate.
I'm also going to phone my doctor to ask for a sick note.

OP posts:
OneDecisionMade · 16/02/2015 06:59

I'm glad you slept - albeit only on the sofa and disturbed. Are you going in your own (certificate and doctor)? Can someone drive you, even if you might want to go in on your own)?
If not, I'm glad that you're here to share what you're going through. I had a very scary time last year and found that MN pulled me through (health & medical stuff). Friends were wonderful (I found out who was a friend and who was an acquaintance - I'd 'mislabelled' some), but MNers were there in my darkest and scariest moments - when everyone was asleep.
One foot in front of another.
You are not alone ;)

PetiteBateau · 16/02/2015 07:04

Morning Calculators, we're all here for you xxx

violetlights · 16/02/2015 07:05

You poor thing. Will you have RL support / company today? (Other than DS?)

I wish I could make you a cup of tea and give you a hug. Here's a virtual one Brew Flowers I'll be thinking of you today and in the days ahead.

StripeyCustard · 16/02/2015 07:07

I'm so sorry. You must be devastated. Take care x

PeaceOfWildThings · 16/02/2015 07:10

Glad that you are getting time off work and hope your employers can give you as much time as you need. If bereavement services offer any counselling, grab it. Even if it isn't something you've ever done before, or think you don't need. It could help a lot. Flowers

RockMummy · 16/02/2015 07:10

My heart goes out to you.

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 16/02/2015 07:17

DD and I will do the hospital, registrar and undertakers visits together. She wants to.
I went to my dad's yesterday. So far I haven't planned anything for today apart from the phone calls. I need to wash dishes and clothes or I will run out of both knickers and plates.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 16/02/2015 07:21

Morning Calculators
Although you've got little planned, I bet today turns out to be frantic. Try and get something to eat while you have chance. Maybe buy some new knickers and forget the washing for a few days, unless you want to do it?
Take care of yourself.

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 16/02/2015 07:22

PeaceOfWildThings thank you, yes I will ask my boss to refer me for Grief Counselling. I believe they will pay for significant amounts if necessary.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 16/02/2015 07:24

yeah, I quite like washing and washing up. It's vacuuming, dusting and clearing up that I have problems with. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 16/02/2015 07:26

plus it's much easier for me to do a load of washing than to go to a shop for knickers (disabled wheelchair user)

OP posts:
BigSpottyCupofTea · 16/02/2015 07:37

Morning calculators. Just another MNer thinking of you this morning. I am so sorry to hear about your DH. You must be so proud of you and him for his organ donation. My DB died least year and had made the same choice - he saved the lives of three people and the sight of one. It brought us all some comfort and when I think of it I am so, so proud of him.

I hope today goes as well as it can. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and be kind to yourself.

And your cat is v v handsome indeed! I have two mogs, one of mine is nearly 15 and she's been with me through two close family bereavements, she is the best for a purry hug.

cleanmachine · 16/02/2015 07:41

Oh calculators so sorry for your loss.