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Original poster

DH is dying

764 replies

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 14/02/2015 03:11

I don't even know what topic to put this in. My DH had a brain haemorrhage yesterday morning, the doctors have said it's not survivable. He's 60 years old and my best friend as well as my husband, we've been married for 23 years. I was sat at the bedside in ICU yesterday thinking that I wasn't going to post on mumsnet, even though like a lot of us I spend quite a bit of time here and feel like part of the community, but at 3 o'clock in the morning when you're all alone it seems like a good idea.
I got sent home from the hospital 'to try to get some sleep'.

OP posts:
IDismyname · 15/02/2015 08:46

Good morning Calculators. You and your family have been in my thoughts since I posted soon after your original post.

Sending lots of prayers and hugs to a truly inspirational lady. Xx

PetiteBateau · 15/02/2015 09:08

Morning, hope you managed a few hours sleep xxxx

PacificDogwood · 15/02/2015 09:14

Thinking of you here too, Calculator Thanks

IME ambulance crews are v likely to positively want to find out what happened to somebody they brought in to hospital who was 'properly' unwell - paramedics IME are calm and friendly people who have a knack at putting distressed people at ease; they can have a flippant sense of humour to defuse situations and they care.

I used to work in A+E, but have not done so for more than 10+ years and I still remember specific patients and their outcomes (good and bad).

You are at the very start of a painful journey - do look after yourself Brew

dwinnol · 15/02/2015 09:19

I'm so sorry Calculators. I thought about you and Mr Calculators all day yesterday, I can't begin to imagine how you feel.

fairnotfit · 15/02/2015 09:21

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself. Flowers

PourMyselfACupOfAmbition · 15/02/2015 09:32

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm another who can't find the right words, but am holding your hand.

Horsemad · 15/02/2015 09:40

So sorry for your loss. Such a shock when something like this happens.

The paradmedics usually try to find out how their patient fared. As Pacific said above, they are so caring. Just brilliant when there's a crisis.
You have been so generous agreeing to organ donation. Your DH would be very pleased to know others will be helped by this amazing gift.

I am in Lincs if you need any support. Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time. That little cat looks gorgeous, so cute.

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 15/02/2015 11:05

I had 2.5 more hours sleep. Feel a bit better. I Don't suppose it matters if I say where I am as I am completely identifyable anyway. I am in Newbury, Berkshire.
I'm 44 years old, DH was 15 years older than me.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/02/2015 11:16

I'm so very sorry, Calculators. I read your thread last night and it made me cry. What a wonderful gift your husband has made in his selfless donation and what a fabulous person you must be to make that possibly also.

I agree completely about the 'memory boxes' but I think you should also make one for you for when you're ready to look at it. Everything must be so fuzzy and raw for you right now.

Peace and light for Mr Calculators and many thoughts and very best wishes for you. Thanks

stevienickstophat · 15/02/2015 11:18

I'm so sorry for your loss, Calculators.

Flowers
PUGaLUGS · 15/02/2015 11:24

I have thought about you all weekend Calculators Flowers.

Funny thing is we used to live in Thatcham (DH worked in Newbury and I worked in Reading). If only we still lived there, I could have come and give you a huge hug x

evelynj · 15/02/2015 11:26

So sorry for your loss calculators. You'll be in my thoughts. Also agree about the memory box. I read on here once about asking f&f to write down any nice stories they remembered about the person & copies can go in doc/dgc boxes

SquidgyMaltLoaf · 15/02/2015 11:29

I'm so sorry Calculators. Thinking of you. What an amazing, wonderful thing that you and your DH will, through your selflessness at donating his organs, very probably have saved others' lives. I hope this can be of some comfort to you.

I lost my dad when he was 53 - my mum found it immensely hard but eight years on has slowly built a new life for herself and, while she still misses him, she is happy. You will get there, but don't push yourself. Allow yourself to grieve.

PetiteBateau · 15/02/2015 11:31

Good, you had some sleep. Have you eaten anything? Xxxx

itfcbabe · 15/02/2015 11:48

I'm so sorry ,thinking of you and your children.

If you where nearer to me I would give you a big hug.

You have been amazing donating his organs,he is looking down on you smiling saying what an amazing beautiful wife he has.

xxxx

BoreOfWhabylon · 15/02/2015 11:52

I am so very sorry for you loss, Calculators.

Your DH will live on in your children, in those whose lives have been saved by your thoughtfulness for others at the very worst time in your life, and in your love for him.

The ambulance crew that attended will be from the South Central Ambulance Service Trust, their Headquarters address is:

Northern House, 7 - 8 Talisman Business Centre, Talisman Road, Bicester, Oxfordshire, OX26 6HR

(there's a phone number and email for patient feedback on the Contact Us page

From my experience, the people in the control room who dealt with your emergency call and the ambulance crew who attended would very much appreciate hearing from you.

RIP Mr Calculators Flowers

FabULouse · 15/02/2015 12:37

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3littlefrogs · 15/02/2015 12:52

I am so sorry for your loss Calculators.

I have a family member who has benefited from a transplant some years ago, and we all still think of the donor and their family with gratitude and respect.

You are a brave and wonderful person.
There are lots of people on MN who will support you and be here for you in the coming days and weeks.
You will always have friends here.

Flowers
whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey · 15/02/2015 14:06

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. Flowers

LadyFlumpalot · 15/02/2015 14:59

Thinking of you, Calculators. I'm from Reading, and so is DH, Burghfield Common and Woodley in our case, my aunt lives in Newbury.

Haven't got any words for you, but you are in my thoughts. Thanks Xx

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 15/02/2015 15:05

I am so sorry for your loss Calculators Sending strength, love and hugs to you and your family xxx

Bowlersarm · 15/02/2015 15:07

Thinking of you Calculators. Must be surreal. Thinking of you and your dc.

trulymadlydeeply · 15/02/2015 15:12

Thinking of you, Calcs. There aren't any words that will help, but I hope the knowledge that so many virtual friends are holding their arms out to you, does.

A wonderful thing to donate your DH's organs - we did the same when my Dad died, and it has brought much comfort to think that he is helping others, as he expressly wanted.

Lots of love to you.

XXX

PeaceOfWildThings · 15/02/2015 15:50

Hope you are getting the chance to get naps in the day, calculators. Hope you can have time off work (if you work) for a few weeks.

GorgeousPie · 15/02/2015 16:03

So sorry for your loss, thoughts are with you and yours x