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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

DH is dying

764 replies

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 14/02/2015 03:11

I don't even know what topic to put this in. My DH had a brain haemorrhage yesterday morning, the doctors have said it's not survivable. He's 60 years old and my best friend as well as my husband, we've been married for 23 years. I was sat at the bedside in ICU yesterday thinking that I wasn't going to post on mumsnet, even though like a lot of us I spend quite a bit of time here and feel like part of the community, but at 3 o'clock in the morning when you're all alone it seems like a good idea.
I got sent home from the hospital 'to try to get some sleep'.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 15/02/2015 06:58

ha ha! coffee and whiskas accomplished

OP posts:
dontevenblink · 15/02/2015 07:01

So sorry for your loss FlowersFlowers

FabULouse · 15/02/2015 07:04

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FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/02/2015 07:14

WhereDo, I am so very sorry for your loss Flowers

I did smile at your Parisian cat's breakfast.

X

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 15/02/2015 07:26

DD has a 5 month old daughter and lives 30 miles away. She has to go home to her.
My DS is 18, still in school doing A levels so he's here.

OP posts:
Unescorted · 15/02/2015 07:30

All I have managed today is a coffee... you are one up on me. If you want I can sit down and drink our coffees together. The Unescorted housework can wait if you want a hand to hold.

HoraceCope · 15/02/2015 07:31

with heartfelt sympathy for you and you children x

ShyGirlie · 15/02/2015 07:36

Love, prayers and warm wishes for you, Calculator. May you find strength in precious memories of happier times together xx

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 15/02/2015 07:51

smallgingercat

DH is dying
OP posts:
FabULouse · 15/02/2015 07:53

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Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 15/02/2015 07:56

Does anyone know if the ambulance people who came to my house on Friday will be told or are likely to find out that my husband died? Or would they not give it another thought once they moved on to the next job?
I don't know why this is bothering me.

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FabULouse · 15/02/2015 07:56

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FabULouse · 15/02/2015 08:01

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WilburIsSomePig · 15/02/2015 08:02

I'm so sorry OP. SadFlowers

ajandjjmum · 15/02/2015 08:04

I know an ambulance man once went to see how my Dad was doing, the day after he was taken in to hospital - I think he was taking someone to the same ward though. I'm sure you could ask the hospital to let them know, if you would like to.

Thinking of you today. Flowers

loiner45 · 15/02/2015 08:06

You'll be just putting one foot in front of the other for a while wheredo, and will be riding the emotional roller coaster. One thing to think about might be to get 4 memory boxes, one for you, your dc and your grandchild. You put things in them that your dh owned, or remind you of him. So for your dgc you might have some photos of your dh holding them, a photo of your dh as a baby, an item from your dh's childhood if you have it. Things that will help your dd tell them the story of their grandfather, who he was, what he liked doing etc. You and your dc choose things that remind you of him and your own relationship with him.

You can buy some lovely memory boxes from a charity called "winston's wish" that supports bereaved children (which is where I first came across them) but a large shoe box does the job. When I got some memory boxes for my dcs friends (whose mother also died in the same way as your dh - such a shock) their father thought it a wonderful idea and wanted one himself - so the next ime I bought some I got one for the bereaved spouse as well as the children. I hope you have family or friends in your life who will think to get some for you, rather than you have to get them - but however you get them they do seem to help.

JollyFrog · 15/02/2015 08:11

So sorry for your loss.
you are being so brave. Stay on here and chat whenever you want.

The ambulance men/women often pop to a and e for updates on their patients. Some will visit if the patient is still in the hospital. They do like to know what the outcome was. I agree a card may be a good idea if you feel like you want them to know.
Thanks
And that ginger boy is gorgeous! I have a furry person sat on me at the mo, they are a great comfort xx

Isabeller · 15/02/2015 08:15

Flowers thinking of you and your family.

BumWad · 15/02/2015 08:16

Gorgeous cat.

I can't be precise to your individual incident but many of the paramedics I know do indeed find out what has happened to the patients they treat and transport but that is through choice, they like to find out. I work in the emergency department and many times they pop their head round asking how a patient is x

Bin85 · 15/02/2015 08:28

Hullo Calculators
Sending love and a hand to hold
I am in the SEast
I'm sure many of us will have our mundane problems and annoyances put into perspective by your greater ones
Thinking of you all x

Mermaidhair · 15/02/2015 08:36

Oh my darling, I to have lost my dh 11 months ago. He was 43, I am 36 with 4 children. I have been exactly where you are. I was suicidal. You will be ok. You don't think so at the moment I know but you will. You need to do everything to get through it for you, your children, your grand children and your husband. Love life again when you are ready it really is the best way of honouring him. Big big hugs to you.

MrsPurchase · 15/02/2015 08:40

Thinking of you today Flowers

PeaceOfWildThings · 15/02/2015 08:41

Thinking of you this morning. Flowers

Catsrus · 15/02/2015 08:44

I've always wanted a ginger cat ... One day Smile

I'm in the SE too - and yes, Bin85 is right - my broken washing machine really isn't that important. Your dh was only my age, which doesn't feel very old at all - so it's a real reminder for me to get on and do the things I keep saying I want to do though introducing a 5th cat is probably not the way to go

I hope friends and family will rally round - and keep coming back in here, at times like this MN is at its best I think. Will be thinking of you today.

AndHarry · 15/02/2015 08:45

I'm sorry Calculators. I hope you have time to be gentle with yourself.