Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

Congratulations on your pregnancy heart.... maybe your new baby is in some way a gift from your mum...?

We also have to remember that any new baby carries the genes from the ones we have lost, so they are in a way still with us.

You're right Mummylin - I tell my four year old that we're never apart - doesn't matter where we are - I carry part of her in my heart and she carries part of me in hers.

I haven't read all the previous posts (sorry!!!) and I'm not quite ready to open up and bare my soul, but I have lost a parent fairly recently, can I join in on this thread when I'm ready? x

Yes of course you can chicken you will be very welcome. Look after yourself, we all know how tough it can / is

Thank you I am looking after myself, I spent the 1st month on auto pilot (he died a month before xmas) and then the next month or so blocking it out & trying to just laugh & have fun, but it's all come crashing down over the last couple of weeks, one of my kids (teen) is really struggling & I've "had" to talk about my dad a lot, and because I hate seeing my kids suffer, it's made it all so much harder Im putting things in place for my teen to get help, but it's hard when I don't think I've come to terms with it yet. I was in counselling & as soon as I know my teen is ok, I will carry on with my counselling. I'm not really crying, right now I'm avoiding people, i don't want to burden my friends/family, I just feel so sad inside but not sad, if that makes sense x

You are in a difficult position because not only do you have to deal with your own grief, you have to deal with your teenagers. It is a very very stressful time. I hope the counselling can help you all. But please don't push your own grief to the back burner. So you have already had your first Xmas without your loved one, that is a big hurdle to cross when it is so close.
Some of us have found that some of the RL people don't understand how awful this whole thing, but if they haven't gone through it, they have no understanding of it. Then there are the people who think that you will be fine in a couple of weeks. We can all tell you this isn't the case at all. But I think I speak for all of us when I say it has helped us all to cope by being able to speak to others going / gone through the same thing. When you feel you are ready someone will be here to chat to you. We will give you support and be a listening ear when you feel down or upset about things. Take care

warning!! don't whatever you do go anywhere near M&S home dept, their mothers day stuff will make you leave the store crying.

trust me.

Oh ssd, obviously you have seen it all then. Another day to remind us that we have lost such an important person in our lives. When does it ever end ?

that bloody cushion nearly finished me off, right at the top of the escalator in the middle of a big display!!

bloody M&S I hate it

Clocking in ;(

Didn't want to be in this club. I hear you are lovely though.

Hello theas I'm sorry you have had to come to this thread but you are right it's a lovely thread albeit a very sad one. You will get good support here and it's a good place to vent about anything you are concerned about. It has stopped me from going round the twist, having like minded people to talk to, hope it will be the same for you.

It's always in your face isn't it ssd it's so difficult to move forward when these things are in such prominent display. It tugs at your heart strings and just brings back what we have lost.

Hello all.
Dipping in - and out again - as I am giving up mn for lent!
I think of you all often
Ssd...I felt the same last year in the run up to Father's Day.
Theas...I was following your thread. I'm so sorry x
Things here are ok..ish.
Mum has now been dx with copd :( no idea what this means long term and am sticking my head in the sand to a certain extent.
Mum is upset...my siblings are really showing their true colours and she is very hurt.
It's half term where we are and my sister hasn't been near mum since Friday :(
Although we all live in the same town my siblings live closer than I do!
Last week she also re did her will and made me her POA which wasn't much fun tbh.
Next month it will be a year since my aunt died.
Can't believe it.
Dh has been away a lot too so it's been a rough few weeks.
Take care everyone x

hi badvoc, nice to see you again, cant belive its a year since your aunt died, where does time go , and your siblings sound like mine too...

thea sorry you've joined here, I've seen your posts too.

Thanks both. Mum died last night a " good death " , I'll post the full story later. I coped well at the time but right now ive run out of "strong" . Like ive been hit by a train. Wearing mums dressing gown and going to go to bed.

DH went home but ive asked him to come back.

for you, I seen you on the elderly parents section a lot, I started that section a few years ago as I looked after my mum alone and it was all driving me crazy, I needed to speak to others in the same boat, all my friends had mums who went shopping with them and my mum was housebound.

You don't have to be strong Theas. Glad your dh is coming back, are you at a different house than your own ? You are still in complete shock I expect as it's only a matter of hours. Hope you manage to have some sleep.
Hi badvoc lovely to see you! your very good to give up MN for a whole month! Don't think I could do it . Where has the last year gone, it dosent seem possible

Theas...I am glad for your mum, and for you that it was a "good" death.
My dad's was too, in a way.
It was very sudden and he would have felt no pain.
I take comfort from that.
From personal experience...don't be "strong" for too long sweetheart. I am 18 months down the line and still expected to be the "strong" one. Hard to stop when it's what everyone expects :(

i really missed my mum today, really missed her. I miss going out to see her, I've been doing that for 30 odd years and its so hard to adjust. There was no other family but us here, now its just me. I'm spending too much time alone. I know I should get a hobby or a busier job but I havent the oomph for anything. Nothing interests me. Maybe I should just have a good cry, dh gave me a hug earlier but its not enough.

I hope your okay mum, wherever you are. And say hi to dad xxx

I get the not interested ssd. I too am not interested in anything and don't find any pleasure in things anymore, I don't even want to go on holiday now. I used to always share a room with my mum and now of course I can't. Dh and his mates going on their short break in April and dh asked me if I wanted to go. The answer is no.

Hi all. Hiya badvoc. Bloody M & S, I agree, always gets me one way or another ssd.

Thea, do whatever it takes to get you through these early days. Whatever feels right and don't worry about other people.

I've had a strange day. Pancake Tuesday was a big day in our family, my dad would stand in the kitchen for hours churning them out to the never ending queue, with us all arguing over who was next. So I did it today at my house with everyone coming here and stood in the kitchen for hours. I'm glad I did it, everyone said they enjoyed it and I don't feel sad.... Just weird. Can't define it, I just feel odd.

Five months on Monday. It feels surreal.

Theas...so sorry for your loss. Don't feel you have to cope...just go with it. My mum passed away very suddenly in December and all sorts of emotions fly around. Guilt, anger, sadness, sometimes the fact that she's not here just hits me...I could be anywhere and wham I'm in tears again.

ssd...I know how you feel about the mothers day stuff...I can't walk into a card shop at the moment. My husband also left us last August for the ow so just got through valentines bloody day.

I actually feel that I benefited from my husband going because my relationship with my dad got better and he knows absolutely everything whereas I kept details from my mum. So since my mum has passed away I can help my dad and talk to him about anything.

The main thing I do now is make sure I tell him 'I love you' everyday.
My mum used to say 'I love you' to me and I used to say 'and me'. I just wish I had said 'I love you' to her while she was here.

Thank you for your reply mummylin. I just don't think about my dad much, I'm aware that for the last 8-9 months before he died, I was doing the same thing, deliberately not thinking about him unless I had to & then he died, he'd been seriously ill for just over 2 years & I wished he would die, I hated seeing him suffer but I'd resigned myself to thinking he'd last another 5 years, and then he died. I don't feel guilty, I don't have any regrets, I don't feel any anger but I do feel relief that he's not suffering any more. Every time I do think about him, I cry. I wish I at least knew what stage I'm at, I'd feel a little more in control of my my crazy life x

Chicken, there are no hard and fast rules about grieving, every single person deals with it differently. Some people are able to cope very well after a few months, but for others ( me included ) the sadness just goes on and on. The best thing to do , us just take everyday as it comes, some days you will feel almost normal and cope well, but then you may slip back again. It sounds like you accepted that your dad was going to die and maybe you mentally prepared yourself for this

Gradually though the better days will take over the sad days and there will be longer gaps between the two opposite feelings. It's hard but somehow we all manage to get by day by day but the emptiness remains.

I hope you have some RL support, it certainly helps to have thoughtful people around you, especially when you have a bad day. I hope you have a good day tomorrow, take care of yourself.