Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

Mummylin I just wanted to say thank you for your kind message a few days ago. I feel a bit better now. Thank you - I really appreciated your words to me x

Hi everyone. stop you are more than welcome! I am glad you are feeling a little happier now. It's a tough time for anyone grieving and as I said. The firsts are one of the saddest things. But surprisingly we all get through them somehow, well actually we don't have a choice do we.
I agree with ssd with those trying to support their mums to go to the elderly parents thread and they may have advice for you, but my advice to you both is do not neglect yourselves by trying so hard to help your mums, it's very good of you to do it, but you both need support of your own too and you can't take it all in your shoulders.
I hope everyone will enjoy the holiday weekend, I have been gardening with dh and tomorrow have about ten bags of garden rubbish to take to the tip ! We will be like the clampets ( anyone remember them ? ) . They were a hillbilly family in a tv prog, but I can't remember the name of it !!

the Beverley Hillbillies mummylin

we are showing our age here

My birthday yesterday. Also eight months since my dad died. Today we went for a meal. All grandparents and great grandparents to my daughter present with the obvious exception of my dad. Watching my daughters obvious delight and love for her grand parents was lovely and also incredibly hard as my dad is missing out and he doted on her. It's his birthday on Wednesday. He spent his last birthday in Christies.

Oh yes that's it ssd I remember now. I'm def showing my age because I can't remember things
candy where has all that time gone already ! It just seems like only a couple of weeks since you first posted ! I am glad your dd enjoyed her birthday. It us very sad when someone so important to us is missing. Your dads birthday will be a strange day for you, you will probably be thinking " this time last year " which we all do at some point, but you will be ok. We all
Dread the firsts of things, but do get through them somehow

A very tough week for you Candy, just so sad. Everything seems so bittersweet - your DDs delight at her grandparents but then the fact your dad is missing out. Sending you

Thank you star and Lin xxx

Morning. I think i was on the very first of these three and a half years ago. And I'm back. Because I'm coping less well now than i did when mum died.
I don't know why it's so much harder. Maybe it's because when she died i had a new born son with potential health problems to focus on. She met him once and I'm not sure if she understood the potential implications but she doesn't know that he's fine now.

Mum was brilliant at making everyone feel aamazing and valued , she could always find a complement and always meant them. She could solve anything From which clematis to plant in the corner, to advising me over the phone how to make my runny jam set and would give me straight talking advice about something I'm thinking of starting. She would have delighted in her grand children. They only have 2 remaining grandparents - one with dementia although they adore him and one who is largely disengaged.

I want someone to tell me I'm doing ok. I want to know that someone has my back. I want someone I can talk to and i miss her so much.

Every day it gets harder. I cry more now than i did when she died. Infact i cried for 5 weeks between the birth of ds and the death of my mum and then got on with dealing with a large pile of shit that seems to have been relentless. The worst is over apart from an overwhelming to do lust (which is why ive spent 2 hrs on mumsnet rather than getting on with stuff) but everything feels too hard and i don't know where to start fixing it.

Sorry. That's a bit if a long brain dump.

I haven't got anything constructive to say golemmings except maybe it's all catching up with you now but I just wanted you to know someone has read your post & you're not alone xx

Thank you chicken noodle.

golemmings, I agree with you, exactly.

I've just posted something similar in another thread about what you'd tell your 40 yr old self, and I feel I'm the only dissenting voice on it.

I dont know where to start either.

I'm sorry, and you definitely aren't alone

Hi golemmings you are about the same time and state as I am. It seems such a long time ago, but when I start to think about it. It still feels like last week. I understand oh so much., I still feel so distraught probably like you and others too. I don't know when it gets much better to be honest. We will never stop missing and loving them, is it the physical presence that you miss ? It is for me, I just want to see her. I didn't get to say goodbye and that upsets me too. Because it was an unexpected death, none of us were with her, it still haunts me that she may of been frightened and that alone can bring me to tears. I think you can be assured that what you are still feeling is perfectly normal. I don't think we ever get over the loss, we just have to learn to live with it. But I do find it hard to accept.
Apart from your sadness it's nice to see you again.you know where to come when you feel so down x

My dad died unexpectedly almost two weeks ago. He was fit and active and had a brain hemorrhage of the blue. Funeral on Wednesday.
Just can't believe it has happened. Hurts so much

I'm sorry sonnet

mummylin, you have the ability to put into words exactly what I'm trying to say! I agree with you totally.

Thank you.
Just doing a day at a time -Live 200 miles away so there for a few days then home for a bit.
All very surreal at the moment
Sorry you are all in such similar positions - really sucks!

Hello sonnet I am very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I think when it comes out of the blue the family left behind just really struggle to take it all in and believe that it has happened, I was in the same position when my mum died. The absolute shock was horrendous and I don't think I will ever get over that terrible day.
I would wake in the morning and think it had all been a dream, then reality would hit and turn me into a snivelling wreck.
It is such early days for you, I would think you are really struggling at the moment to comprehend how could it possibly happen, then you have the utter despair which floors us all on this thread.
I hope that Wednesday will be as you and the family wish it to be.we all dread the funeral day, but strangely for some reason we all cope better than we imagine we will.and it does certainly help if you have people around after the event to share memories about your dad.
I hope you have family and friends to support you at this time.

Mummylin how is it you always have the perfect response? I'm so grateful you're still around.
Sorry to hear about your dad, Sonnet. Hope tomorrow goes well and the day to day stuff starts getting a bit easier. The first year is definitely the worst because it is full of 'firsts'. First birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas etc... despite my post above it does get easier. Look after yourself

Golemmings - sounds like you have had a lot to deal with in RL since your mum passed - am glad your son is doing well now. I guess we all do what we can to cope and I do think that sometimes we can 'put off' grief once the initial shock has passed, especially if you have a lot going on in your life. I'm sure your mum still has your back .

Hello sonnet - so sorry for your loss, it must be such a shock for you and your family. It feels so surreal in the days and weeks after a beloved parent dies. Agree with mummylin in that the funeral is somehow easier than you would imagine and it's nice to be around people who loved your dad. Hope it goes well.

hi everyone sorry I haven't been around lots on at the minute. how are you all

Sonnet, sorry for your loss. It is also my dad's funeral tomorrow. Today I think things have started to hit me. For the first time in the 5 and a half weeks I have cried, properly cried. Dreading to tomorrow.

sonnet and dusty tomorrow of course is an upsetting day but i hope it won't be as bad as you fear I think we all fear it terribly and on the day we somehow get extra strength from somewhere, I hope for both of you, the service is how you would like it to be and you are supported well by other family and friends, they will make a big difference directly after the funeral.In a strange way, there is a sense of relief and you can actually relax at the wake. Will think of you both.

Sonnet & Dusty, I hope today goes as well as it can for you both xx it would have been my dads birthday today, I can't sleep hence this 2am post !!! I'm going to try & have a fun day with my kids & celebrate his birthday with his favourite meal x

Thinking of you Sonnet, dusty, and chicken today xx

Chickennoodle its my dads birthday today too.
Its very hard. I just wish i could be saying happy birthday to him in person. Giving him a present he doesnt really need or want but getting it anyway.
Going out for a meal to celebrate it. But its a hard day to get through.
Sonnet and Dusty, hope your days go well.