Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

Thanks Chicken :) xx

Mummylin - your posts are like a great big, warm comforter, that envelops you. You always make everything okay, even when posters are feeling so low.

I've got so much more going on in my life too and I want to just have five minutes every day, when the time feels right, to sit, and just be.

The thing is, I can never guess when that time will be, or even if it will be, you know? I have things of my mums, I take them and hold them somtimes which makes the pain lesson. A little.

I envy you mouseface & any of you that have things from your mum/dad I haven't got anything, maybe I should ask for something, at some point my children will get some of his clothing, my brother will have his tools & has already got his books (I've probably read them all anyway) he didn't wear jewellery, his watch has gone to my brother, thinking about it, I don't even know what else he had I'm pretty sure there are items that were from his parents but they've always been part of the "furniture" at my mum & dads house & it wouldn't seem right to ask for them x

Hello everyone

I came across this thread a couple of weeks ago, and knew I would be needing it soon - my dad died this afternoon. It was long expected - he has had a terminal cancer diagnosis since February 2013, and it has been a steady downhill progression since. He deteriorated significantly over the Easter weekend, and then in the last 2 days, he stopped eating and drinking. When I arrived to see him at lunchtime today, it was clear he was in his final days. We didn't expect him to go quite so soon, but I am pleased it wasn't drawn out, for his sake and for ours. I'm glad we got to be with him as he left.

I don't know what I feel yet, apart from great relief that it is all over. I think I did a lot of grieving for the future we won't share long before now.

Hello tea very very sorry for your loss. It seems that you have probably been grieving for quite a while and so you have been expecting this to happen. But it dosent lesson the grief at losing someone you love. You are probably in a bit of shock at the moment. It's a horrible time for you and your family.
You may suddenly feel it hit you and if so we will be here to listen. It's a terrible shock even when you have been expecting it. I am glad for your dad that he is no longer suffering, but very sad for you and your family. I hope your family and friends will rally around for you and give you the support you need in RL. For now just take it easy, eat as normal, as you need to keep your energy levels up. It's very easy to skip meals when you feel low.

chicken if I were you I would just mention that you like a little memento that belonged to your dad. How can anyone mind that ? I certainly wouldn't if anyone asked me for something although we all had something , but I have got loads of stuff that I couldn't throw out which I found when I cleared mums house. I have some scraps of paper which has got mums name on and things like that, but is also have god knows what in about ten plastic boxes. Not because I wanted it. Just because I couldn't bear to throw it away !! fad I also have mums handbag and her purse which has £35 and a few odd pence and it's still there after 3 years. I cannot bear to spend that money and so it will stay where it belongs !
On another note. Hope you are feeling better about your relationship breakup. Take care x

"In fact " not fad !

Hello, first time posting here but I've occasionally been lurking.
My mum died in February very suddenly. been struggling a lot with it today, don't know why. I rang her mobile just to hear her voicemail and have been crying all day. I miss her, but feel as if I'm not allowed to miss her because she wasn't a very good mum. Amazing how you can feel so conflicted isn't it.

Anyway, I just needed to write it down I think.

Hello slippin sorry you are feeling upset at the moment about your mum. It's strange how people can think. I would think that maybe you are grieving for the mum that you wanted but say you didn't have as well as her physically not being here. ( does that make sense ? )
When I go t a new phone, I still put my mums number , photo and special ring tone into my phone , even though I know I can never ring it again, so I understand your voice mail thing.
I am quite sure that you do indeed miss her and after all it is only a matter of weeks since she died. Of course you are allowed to miss her. She was your mum.
Do you have siblings you can discuss this with or a really close friend ? Maybe a counsellor at a later date if you still feel a bit torn.
There are many facets to grief it comes out in so many different ways, lots of tears. Anger, regret, bewilderment, this us just some of them.
Don't beat yourself up, just get through it bit by bit, and chat to any of us at any time.

mouseface thankyou! what a lovely thing to say x

Thanks mummylin I will talk to my mum at some point about a momento & I'm actually fine over the relationship break up, I knew it would never be a long term rest of our lives thing & even though I'm disgusted at his attitude/timing, I'm relieved he gave me ZERO support

Tea, my dad didn't have cancer or a terminal illness (I'm aware I still haven't mentioned anything specifically on here about his health etc) but I had over 2 years of watching him suffer & deteriorate ... It's heartbreaking & the support on here is amazing, please keep posting xx

Slippin, it must be heartbreaking but lovely at the same time to hear her voice xx

It is emotional reading everyone's stories on here. Thoughts are with you all. Dd's birthday went well, that is one 'first' done. This evening we met with the Pastor doing the funeral, which still feels so long away. I know it sounds bad but I just want to get it over with, the waiting is so painful. We haven't even been able to see him at the funeral home due to deterioration. 3 weeks and 1 day since he passed.

What a long wait you have had for the funeral dusty , it must be very stressful whilst you are in limbo like this.
I think we all actually dread the funeral day arriving , but for you it's been an exceptional wait, and I expect you just want it over.
I think we build it up in our minds that we won't cope with it, but surprisingly Although it's heartbreaking , and the actual service is very very sad, once it's over and you start chatting with everyone who is there somehow you relax a bit.
I am glad that your dd,s birthday went ok, the first of anything is horrible ( and for some things so is the second and third ) but there is nothing any of us can do but face these days. Somehow we get through them.
I'm sorry that you haven't been able to visit your dad, but obviously at this point it would be very disturbing for you. Is it next week the funeral ?

mouseface is so right, you are very comforting!
I feel a bit better today, I think I was just having one of those days where I overthink everything.

dusty I know exactly what you mean about getting the funeral out the way. I think when you've had to wait that long it becomes too much emotionally and you just want to get to the end and hopefully find a way to move on. Have you been given a date for it yet? you might find you deal with it better than you think. I thought I would be a mess but instead I found myself almost distanced from it and even managed to have a good catch up with some old family friends at the wake afterwards.

Hello everyone, just to say that our Internet is playing up and we have lost all our tv channels so they have to come out tomorrow, so if I'm not here for a couple of days it will be loss of Internet. They are sending us a new hub which should come today which may help the net, but new box for tv stuff has to be fitted tomorrow.
Hope you are all ok. Especially the newest posters.the weather here is enough to dampen everyone's spirits. It's like winter time and bucketing down. I do think the sunshine helps to lift us up a bit, all the baby birds fluttering about , the new flowers growing, the circle of life at its best. Take care everyone.

Mummylin are you with Virgin media by any chance?

I'm in a much better place emotionally this week, but so exhausted I'm napping every day & sleeping at night, I'm assuming I've cried so much over the past 2 weeks that my body is in recovery mode now x

Hi chicken, yes you are correct. Well a new hub was delivered at lunchtime, dh set it up and it was worse than what we had before ! back on the phone. Sorted that out , now about half an hour ago, everything switched off and in a few mins came back and all our channels are back. So for the 4 time today dh had to ring again to cancel engineer and new box tomorrow. Last night the guy who " fixed " our Internet ended up sending all my emails to dh,s laptop and had no access to his own. Was a right bloody cock up ! Cue yet another phone call. Anyway all ok at the moment.

You will have days chicken when you will feel almost normal, but it just takes some small thing to set you off again. I don't think there is ever a recovery as such, we just try and live with what has happened.

I'm having lots of problems with my internet (I'm with Virgin too) but I'm putting off calling them & hoping it's just a blip !!!

By recovery I meant after my crying episodes lol I think I'll be ok until the end of May, I'm just trying not to think about it & taking each day as it comes x

We have never had any trouble with them really, until this week and it seems everything is going to pot. I was most worried about my Internet !
Man and new box cancelled for tomorrow ! What us wrong with your net ? Give them a ring you may get a new hub. Ours was free apart from £5.99 postage

Yes taking everything day by day us the best way to cope. No point in worrying about the future at the moment, it's hard just to cope on a daily basis.
We all actually believe we can't cope at times, but really we are stronger than what we think. We do get through it all, but I would say it helps so much to be able to speak to others in the same position, I don't know how I would of coped without this thread to be honest. It's helped me such a lot

Mummy Lin, I keep losing my internet completely and when it is working the wifi is so slow, but that could be because my kids are using up a lot of bandwidth with their pc games !!!

Mumslife, the rose/plant & plaque sounds like a lovely idea well as lovely as it can be x

Mumslife, I have my grandparents in my garden with a lovely stone with nice words on it !
Chicken, ours was exactly the same, but mumsnet has been crashing for six weeks and they are still trying to get it sorted out. Will put a link here for you to ook at. But apart from that ours was also far to slow,we reported it we were only on 20 speed, this new hub has taken us up to 50 ! Hub came after two days

here you are chicken

Just exactly three weeks ago since my dad's death - may he rest in peace and rise in glory

Hugs Yorkshire xxx

That is a lovely idea mumslife. Crazy there is a waiting list . Its like all the waiting people seem to be having to do for funerals, not fair really when grieving is hard enough to start with.

Mummy and chicken hope you get your internet sorted!

I'm having a good week, my mum came to visit and even tho she is really struggling and has lost loads of weight was nice to feel like i could help her, chat to her and for my DS to be a distraction. So hard for me to get home now as its a 7hr trip and I'm 37 weeks preg with an 18 month old so practically impossible for the near future anyway..!

Happy Friday everyone xx