Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

hope the party went okay and she had a lovely time.

Me and ds went for a walk today near to my nans house and went past the hospice mum used to go to for relaxation treatment and day care. we used to go in and meet her sometimes have a cup of tea they did family treatments but i never accessed any. They were very nice, ds used to call it the quiet place because he was only small and i used to tell him he had to always be quiet here. it hurts walking past wishing she was inside having a rest and being pampered.

hope you are all okay

I have realised I have been taking on board my dads grief for himself as he was terminal for a year and was devastated to leave us. I have been feeling his sadness as well as my own.
I am realising its ok to let go of his grief. Of course, my own grief is eternal but I can let go of his pain.

Hi there. My lovely dad died in Friday after a long illness, peacefully at home. Even though we expected it (for many years), I'm more devastated than I thought I'd be.

Sitting with my (half)sister this evening and struggling to find happy stories I could remember about him while she had so many made me even more sad. now I'm worried I couldn't have loved him as much as she did as I can't remember as much happy stuff as she can.

Horrid mix of emotions at the moment and scared I won't make it through talking at the eulogy

Hello krusty very sorry to see your sad news. I am sure you are in a complete daze at the moment but later when things are not quite so raw, you will remember things that you probably haven't even thought of in years.im sure you loved your dad just as much as your SS did ! She just has a better memory !
You will surprise yourself how strong you will / can be on the day of the funeral, it's a day that we all dread, but most of us have found that the day was nowhere as bad as we anticipated.
I'm sure you will be able to deliver your eulogy , but have someone close that can take over if it's too much for you.
This is a truly upsetting time for you and whilst this thread can't take your sadness away, we can support you whenever you need . Just get through each day at a time. X

Hello Krusty sorry about your loss, you are in my thoughts x

Well I'm still a bloody wreck, I'm half way through week 2 of almost non stop crying but this week I've been quite angry with it, I've got a few people in my life who quite frankly should be there for me but aren't & it's them I'm really angry at this will totally out me if any friends or family are on here, but it's my birthday in a few days, my dads at the end of the month & the dreaded 6 month point, I've just been dumped so it looks like I'm in for a really tough month, although being dumped isn't that big a deal because he wasn't there for me in any way shape or form, one arsey text from me moaning about his lack of support & im dumped after 2 1/2 yrs !!! I've got a feeling that I'm once may is over with, I'm going to be stronger than ever x

Oh dear chicken seems like you are having a really tough time at the moment. Bad enough to suffer the bereavement, yet alone then being dumped. But it has shown that he isn't supportive of you so although it's very upsetting in the long run it may be for the best.
It is very strange how the people we think will be supportive suddenly are not. It's very hurtful, but it sorts out your real friends.
Birthdays and special days can be very disturbing, but it's something that has to be faced, the first ones are the worst.
Don't worry about the future for now, just get through each day as it comes and if you feel angry / tearful etc it's all a part of the grieving process and is normal. You will be ok, it's surprising where the extra strength comes from to help us all. X

Thanks mummylin, I know it's less than 24hrs but already I feel a sense of relief & I've now told the friends/bf in my life who I'm annoyed at, that I am feeling angry towards them & funnily enough they're ok & took it well & apologised except for my now exbf (I wasn't nasty just honest) so I'm glad that I let it all out, I've sorted the wheat from the chaff & the people that really care about me are still here says it all really doesn't it !!! I'm not feeling anywhere near as angry as I was, now I just need to stop the constant crying lol puffy eyes are not a good look on me !!! I will probably call cruse at the weekend or early next week to just chat to someone & if that doesn't help then I'm definitely off to my GP. It just a weird feeling that I can't stop crying for no real reason, anything & everything can start me off, is that normal? Is it delayed grief? Shock? I've probably cried more in the last 2 weeks than the last 5 months put together x

It's 5 months on since my mum has gone. People think I am ok now, but I really am not. I carry on as normal for my preteen kids, at work I laugh at the banter, with friends chat as normal and I seem fine, but I am not fine.
Every single time I think of mum the tears well up so I need to think of something else quickly, I sometimes feel if I start I won't stop.

People don't ask how I am anymore (they think I am ok!), and if I talk about mum and say I wish she could see this or that - they just say aw I know - but don't know!

It's my birthday this month - what a strange day that will be without mum.

I speak about it to my dad but need to be strong for him too as although he is coping and coming to terms with it - he said the other day that he can understand now how my grandad felt when my gran died, when he felt there was no point anymore. I said you don't feel like that though do you - he said a little bit. I know he adores his family, but he has lost his soul mate and I think a little bit of himself.

So outwardly I may look fine, but inside I am broken. ??

(I am sorry to post such a self pitying post just felt I needed to get it down somewhere)

Sparky you sound like me, are you me? I haven't got anything constructive to say except you're not alone, I'm struggling more now (5 months for me too) than ever & it sucks xx

Chicken, how spooky - I have just read your posts and so similar to mine (maybe should've read them first!). It's also my dad's birthday this month!!!
Thank you - almost comforting to know we're not alone - you're right though - it sucks

Hello sparky what you are feeling is completely normal and when you say five months it seems like an age! but really it's not it's just 20 odd weeks, which is no time at all. Other people see us getting on with our lives but have no idea of the grief we are feeling inside. They have no idea how heartbreaking it is , and have no idea of the utter despair we sometimes feel, and I still feel that sometimes and it's 3 years down the line for me. I sometimes stop and think and can't believe I haven't seen my mum for so long, and it still hurts.it does get better but takes a while.
chicken glad you have been able to sort things out with some people. I think that unless they have lost a loved parent, they cant imagine how bloody painful it is.
I know some on MN have an awful relationship with their parents but when I read how some actually wish them dead or say they don't care if they do die, I can't imagine feeling like that, so really that's the other side of it.
Hope you will both continue posting for support

Thanks Mummylin, I know what you mean about it not being long even though it seems like a while ago to everyone else.
I think it's almost worse the longer it is as it's further from the time we last spoke, I heard her voice, held her hand etc.
I do know it will get easier but just can't see it right now.

Hi everyone, I've not posted for a while. Hugs to all the new people on here.
Similar to you sparky my mum says everything feels pointless without dad. I can see what she means...why would you want to go for a walk/lunch/day trip on your own. Its so hard as i live 300 miles from her. Breaks my heart to think of her on her own but i try and do what i can.
Sorry you are having such a hard time chicken - really good you are aware of how you are feeling tho and ready to speak to your gp if needs be. Hope you had a nice birthday.
It was my leaving do at work the other day - starting mat leave - and my boss mentioned my dad in her speech and i sobbed. So embarrassing!!
I've been feeling ok about dad which is also slightly worrying me... as if i never cared but i know i adored him. If he pops into my head i just try and think of something else.

2 weeks and two days ago. Since my dad died. I wonder when I'll stop looking at the clock each Thursday night and thinking how long it's been.

Never probably.... 3 months tomorrow since my dad died. I guess the days turn to weeks turn to months and then years :-(

It's. Normal to look back and think "this time two weeks ago" and you will probably do this quite often for now. But eventually you stop doing that, but it then happens when a special day comes along like a birthday and you will think back to the last birthday etc.
Starfish, you will be a lot better than you are eventually, it hardly seems possible to you at the moment I'm sure, but although you will never stop missing someone, the acceptance seems to creep in. I personally think it will always hurt , but we all have to live our lives , even though life can never be the same again. We probably owe it to our departed family to carry on and enjoy life again, they would want us all to be happy, but I know it's easier said than done.

Hi everyone, I'm feeling much better I guess the ex bf was making me feel a lot worse than I should have been !!! This will out me if anyone knows me but last night I went out & got absolutely wasted, I walked into the toilets & saw a lady who was a big part of my dad's life (and our family's) for the last 6 months or so, she immediately gave me the biggest longest hug & we cried a lot, it was almost too much of a coincidence if that makes sense, it's the only time I've ever seen her outside of her job & on my birthday when I missed my dad sooo much I needed the hugs more than anyone could have imagined x

Ahhh that's a lovely story chicken. Totally agree that there sometimes feels like a force more than coincidence at work. Glad you are feeling better xx

Hello everyone...

It was Nemo's 6th birthday 2nd May. We've had lots of family to see him, he had a fab party with his school friends but for the whole time, the hole in my heart was that little bit bigger.

My mum wasn't there..... she missed a second birthday and it hurt like hell. My Aunt is amazing, her favourite sister, her closest sister, she came to see us with my dad on Nemo's birthday, along with DH's family.

There was a point where I just had to be with my aunt alone, she's been my favourite aunt, my mum's favourite sister since birth! :)

Anyway, it was a really tough day as my aunt told me about my mum going into arrest, before she got to hospital.... I had no idea, she told me so very much all about how ill mum truly was, what had actually gone on.

I had to say my aunt really opened up to all that had happened, what my mum had said months, weeks before she died, even days. It was so shocking. I know that my mum didn't want to worry me, because of Nemo having so many Special Needs, she was trying to protect me, I really do get that but now, more than ever, my pain is crushing me and I'm so unsure of what to say to my dad.

He was really unlike himself. Distant. Really strange. Maybe he was feeling the same, another event that my mum missed. But my aunt was such a huge part of my growing up... she's just like my mum.

Oh how I need my mum......

But after my long chat with my aunt, I think that once I can drive again, I'll get myself sorted and go to see my family more.... I have to.

I need to.

Sorry for always just turning up and being so selfish, never giving support, I'm sorry....

Anyway, it's late and back to the school run tomorrow. I hope you are all still getting support. I will try to come back more. I miss posting here and reading your posts....

Night lovely people xxx

Mouseface I feel the same about always posting & never supporting anyone else, we're all going through a lot & I figure that one day I'll be in the position to "pay it forward" and be supportive to others whether it's on here or irl xx

Hello chickenand mouseface please don't think you have to apologise for. Others may very well read your posts and feel the same so they will know they are not alone with how they feel, so it must be very helpful to those who just lurk on the thread.
No-one is obligated to post every week /day. Just post when you want to, it's fine , honestly.
We all do the same thing, sometimes I don't post for a few days. Life sometimes gets in the way and we are busy, and I'm sure it's the same for both of you.
We will always be pleased to see anyone wether they post once or more often. Whenever you choose to post it's fine!