Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

Thank you Mummylin - he only died last Thursday night, I can't believe it's less than a week ago. His requiem mass was in the church where he was baptised and played the organ. There are four of us in our family (my mum died twenty years' ago) so we made the arrangements between us. Four of his grandsons carried his coffin as their final act of love for him. We will see how the next few weeks go. Will try to get a good night sleep tonight, I hope.

It sounds like your dad was a much loved dad / grandad. You will be glad to all have each other in the coming weeks, I know I could not of coped without my siblings at the time.
Hopefully you will sleep tonight, it's surprising how some things are actually the same as usual, but all the stress etc will probably of worn you out so your body needs a rest.
I am glad he has been laid to rest in a peaceful place, you will get comfort from going there.

Back to work on Tuesday, have managed to help a friend with some charity supermarket bag packing yesterday. Going to find some thank you cards to send today. Feel very sad that we should have had him for longer, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer in January and then fell and broke his hip. Because he was somewhat confused after the operation they didn't get him up properly for physio. When he was moved to another smaller hospital he seemed to be improving but then had another fall because his call bell wasn't in reach. After that, even though his cancer was in remission, he just seemed to get weaker. I never saw him walk again. Will stop now as crying again x

Hi, hope it is ok for me to post here. My dad passed away almost a fortnight ago with my mum, my half sister and me by his side holding his hand. he had suffered 2 strokes just over 5 weeks before. Everything was so normal before that, no warning it was was going to happen just a phone call to say it had happened. I am trying to be strong for my mum and my children but it seems so unreal, I can't get my head around the fact he has gone. I still feel like he is in the hospital. We have a long wait until the funeral, not until the end of the month.

Hello dusty yes of course it's ok to post ! My condolences on the loss of your dear dad. What a horrible shock for you and your family. My own loss of my mum was also very sudden a at the time I felt a real physical pain, and that lasted a few weeks. I think it literally was shock.
It all does feel very unreal to start with, you just can't believe something so awful has happened. Then the realisation hits you once again. Don't look forward to far just take it easy and take things day by day, hopefully you and your family can support each other through these first awful weeks.
That is a very long wait until you have the funeral, why is that ? How horrible to have to wait that long.
Let me just reassure you, that when the day comes, you will cope better than you think. It all feels very surreal.
If we can help you in anyway, do carry on posting, it dies help to chat to others who understand what you are going through

Dusty- I am so sorry that you've had to join us. You are more than welcome to say anything you need to or to just ask for a bit of comfort/company.

I know the feeling about the funeral. My father died on Easter Sunday (April 5th) and the funeral is this Wednesday (May 6th). I had no idea that it could take so long to get a funeral date.

I also know about the sudden aspect. The official cause of death for my Dad was heart attack caused by Chronic heart disease. We had no idea what he had heart disease. He was seen by a doctor a week before for a medical and apart from slightly raised blood pressure and cholesterol, he was fine.

I don't think death is easy. We just have to try and grieve as best as we know how.

Much love to you xx

Hi all,

I've not been posting lately because at the moment I'm finding it so hard to talk about my dad.
I get moments where the hurt just overwhelms me and it feels like my head is heating up, I guess it's a rush of blood to my head, but it feels so scary I immediately quell the thought for fear that it'll do some damage. If anyone mentions my dad I just want to cry so I change the subject,
But I think of you all often x

Our wait for the funeral is due to work being done at the crematorium so funerals are only being held in the afternoons and some days they are only holding 2 funerals. The five and a half weeks he was in hospital was a real rollercoaster for us all. First prognosis was more positive, then it got worse then hope was there until 4 weeks after we were told he would never recover from where he was as he was so severely brain damaged and palliative care would be the best route to go down.
We wanted to see him in the funeral home but yesterday we were advised against it by the funeral director due to his condition. It was another kick in the stomach for us as we were ready to see him again. We haven't seen him since the night he passed.

So sorry to Dusty and Clown - we were lucky that we could arrange the funeral only a week after my father's death. I would have found it horrendous to wait any longer over the bank holiday weekend. I've also found it helpful to talk to my friends about his last few days and his funeral. We have decided not to rush into clearing his flat because it will be so painful. How are we going to cope with getting rid of his things - it feels so wrong?

yorkshire I too struggled with clearing my mums stuff. I bought loads of big plastic containers and I " rescued " stuff which I could not bear to throw out. They are still here 3 yrs later and there are still the same amount of boxes !
The big furniture the British heart foundation took, smaller things we donated to Naomi house ( children's hospice ) shop. My aunt very kindly cleared her clothes , that is something I could not do. I have no idea what I have put in all the boxes I have here . I found mums shopping lists etc and saved those because it is her writing.
And so much wool. Mum was an avid knitter. I still have lots of it, but some I gave to my friend who knitted baby cardigans which also went to Naomi house. I have all her sewing stuff, hundreds of buttons, knitting needles, sewing needles, cotton etc, but I don't even sew. I even have her potato peeler, not because I want to use it, but because my mum did. I really must go through them.
It isn't an easy job to do and many times my brother and I would get to mums house, then decide we couldn't do anything that day and go back home again.
Just take your time if you can , it dosent all have to be done at once. It's finding all the little things that can be very upsetting .

clowni am sorry that you also have had a long wait! it's almost inhuman isn't it. I hope that all will go as well as expected on Wednesday., and there will be plenty of family to support you through the day.

sorry I've not been around and missed new posters. it's very hard in the early days I also have a lot of mums things I can't bear to get rid of despite them never being used which is silly really considering my house is tiny with lots of people in. we have finished the garden this week with the wood chip floor,looks nice and I'm happy with it. money sucks as usual,still job hunting but nothing that suits with the kids. causing problems with dp so I'm hoping something comes up soon. how are you all

Hi SM sorry to see no luck on the job front yet. One of the worst problems for most is lack of funds ! Of course I suppose you need to fit it in around the children too. Hopefully something will turn up soon. Why is it causing problems with DP. You can't do any more than hunt .
Glad your mums garden is looking good for you, I am off to the crem today to tidy up and take new flowers, I can't bear to see it full of dead flowers ! I always feel quite sad when we see so many graves with no flowers at all, ever. I expect in some cases the family my of come to an end, but in the newer ones a couple still have stuff from Christmas on them !

that is sad although i must confess i havent been up for a while, not in a good place and i always come away feeling ten times worse so ive held off. its been horrible weather here last few days and i hate to go when its so bleak and wet makes it all seem worse.

Nothing major just general lack of money type moods, we are both struggling me because im bored and sick of money going in and straight back out again when things need replacing and otherwise, him because his hours are cut hes running on less money than he needs and his work isnt very good at the minute lots of unhappy staff due to the cuts. they are taking the pee in other ways too. My dad keeps helping us out which is must appreciated but makes me feel crap.

How are you feeling,back to full health yet?

we're in the same boat with lack of funds, so much to pay and buy and replace this month and no extra money to cover it all! its just a nightmare isnt it. I could get a few more hours in the job I do but I honestly hate it so much if I did any more hours I'd be up for murder. it is hard getting a job that fits round the kids, mine does and thats why I stick it but god I really hate it, the person in charge is an utter bitch and looks out only for herself and doesnt care what happens to the rest of us, its awful to work there, the bosses like her cos she does what they want but we all hate her! its the school holidays that I find hard to cover, ds2 is getting older but I still dont feel ready to leave him all day in the summer. but my wages dont cover teenagers needs now!

Anybody else found them self feeling ill - I am usually really healthy but have a virus (cough and sore throat) I can't shake off

I expect it's your bodies reaction to all the stress you have / are under at the moment. I didn't exactly get ill, but I had a real physical pain in my heart .And also after the shock of hearing mum had unexpectedly died, my legs didn't seem to be quite right, gradually though this wore off. They felt like lumps of concrete and they didn't seem to walk properly. The feeling in my heart also went after a while. I think my heart was broken.
You will in time start to feel better, but if no improvement or you get worse go and see your doc, you must be quite low and so prone tp pick things up at the moment.

agree with mummylin, also maybe get a good multi vit with iron in it?

Am actually feeling a bit better this morning but will definitely give the multi vitamins a go! It's really good to have the support of this board, and thank you all xx

this board has been a lifeline to us all! x

I know it's only been a few days but there's a sense of acceptance already, he was 87 years old, and had rheumatoid arthritis, a broken hip which wasn't mending, and an underlying cancer. Any one of those could have contributed to his death, I guess we will never know, but at least he was deeply loved by all of us x

So sorry to read of your losses to the new people here. My god it's hard at the beginning still have odd days / times - had a tough time myself last week where I missed my mum so much. It floors me when I think too deeply.

Mummylin had great advise.
I also liked the term 'rescued' I rescued a lot of my mums things. It's like it's moved from one house to ours! She would be pleased

As I said mummylin had great advise
I would also Ike to add
Cruise bereavement helpline are good to talk too.
Take each day hour at a time. Surround yourself with understanding people.
Take the help/ delegate. Plan the best you can.
Thinking of you all and sending xx

Tomorrow is dd's birthday. The first time we will get a card signed just from nanna, the first 'special' occasion without him. Her party is on Saturday, she has been telling nanna and grandad they were invited to her party for months, he won't be there. A part of me wishes I could cancel it all, but it is her day so I will put on my happy face and celebrate with her. Sorry, feeling a bit sad tonight.

Hi Dusty - hope the party goes ok and you get through it for your dd's sake x