Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

mumslife this is a very sad time for your mum and I feel very sorry for her circumstances, and especially before the funeral. I bet her head and heart are all over the place at the moment.
chicken what a lot of " special days " your mum has had to endure in such a short space of time, it must be overwhelming for her. I'm sure she will appreciate all her pampering on Sunday and hopefully will be able to have at least a bit of happiness.
SM only planning to go to the crem to take mum some flowers! I have got one of the laminated cards for her too. They sell them in Clintons.

sm, I'm sorry your dh is being a dick unkind, probably without even realising it, I've had this with dh too, its like just be kind and try to understand me!! sometimes men only see things in black and white!

My bf isn't unkind, heck he's been on the receiving end of a few of my "manic" moments lately, he always accepts my apology & it's forgotten but he is absolutely frickin useless as any kind of emotional support he just doesn't know what to say or do, so does nothing and that's why I'm here on this thread with you lovely mumsnetters, I really don't know what I'd do without this thread I don't know about everyone else but I don't want to "bore" my friends & family all the time or maybe I think if I'm talking & crying about my dad all the time, I'll bring everyone else's mood down too. At least here we're all f*cking sad & down already x

I think that's just it chicken, our menfolk really dont mean to be unkind, its just out of their realm to understand how deep our grief is at this time in our lives, of course men will grieve as deeply as we do but if they havent experienced this it seems its a bit impossible for them to understand it and comfort us.

how are you doing now sm?

Alright thanks ssd, he woke up in a totally different mood, I know he tries to understand it's just hard eh especially with work stress and everyday things. We went to take his nan some flowers she was happy and he was putting gifts together for his mum and I just felt so on my own without her. might take my flowers for mum up today rather than Sunday feel like I need to go up. how are you doing?

och am doing ok, work is very stressful, job is min wage part time and I've had more hassle there than any other job I had before!! The boss in an utter bitch and is getting away with murder, I'm in the process of trying to put a complaint in but no one is listening....but the hours are flexible and its near the school, so I dont want to leave it just cos she is being a moron. very hard to live with though. family are fine, kids are teenagers so a bit up and down!!

I hope you get the chance to go to your mums with the flowers, isnt it just this time of year thats so hard . I know how much you miss your mum and my heart goes out to you, she was taken far too young and it must be heart breaking for you to live with that and with seeing whats happened in the family since she died. Its just not fair!!! I wish we could all have a cup of tea together and a chat!

xx

Ssd can you imagine everyone on this thread meeting up !!! We'd need a hell of a lot of tissues one of my closest friends is going through some issues & on a regular bus journey has been talking to a woman, the other day this woman had randomly brought her a gift (friend is very low at the moment) & announced she was going away for a few days to a country that is very significant to my dad (not a usual destination), I'd like to think it's more than a coincidence & that someone is looking out for us both x

I believe in coincidences very much, I've became very spiritual since mum died, but I dont discuss it here as I know not everyone feels the same x

Ssd I know what you mean, whilst I find comfort in that, others might not & I've been wary of posting anything too woo woo lol, we can be pm spiritual buddies if ya want !!! x

I wish I felt something 'spiritual' but I don't. I feel nothing. Dead feels like total lights out to me now. I don't feel my mums presence at all. It's 8 weeks tomorrow and I barely think of her. I just blot it out. I saw an old lady today though who reminded me of her and I instantly crumbled. Fucking hell, it's weird this death malarkey. How can someone just not be here. How is that even possible. Where the actual fuck have they gone.

trucking, I didnt feel anything spiritual when my dad died, nothing at all. I didnt even think of it.

death is really really weird, where do they go? where do all our feelings for them go? where does all the shared history go when no one else remembers it?

its beyond understanding.

It is indeed beyond comprehension. How can anyone just be DEAD?????? . I feel like I grieved more when the dog died. I think it's just too big for me to take in, so I've just shoved it away somewhere. It's not denial and its not disbelief - fuck knows what it is but it's bloody weird.

I think it takes ages just to accept they are dead

and acceptance only comes over time, 2 years in my case

until then its all just a mind fog

I still cant believe it and mourn all the time, but I feel I'm accepting it all now.

It's popping in to say I am thinking of you all, especially with tomorrow in mind.
It will be a year tomorrow since we lost dad's sister.
I took some flowers to the cemetery this morning.
Last week my 38 year old bil had a heamorragic stroke...we are lucky he is still here.
I am starting to wonder what I did wrong in a previous life :(

Oh badvoc it seems your bad luck in your family just goes on and on, today I was reading the thread from 2013 and your very first posts were on it. There were a lot of names that we no longer see, but I'm hoping it's because they were able to get on with their lives and also because they found our thread to be helpful.
ssd the love remains even though the person dosent. It's in our heart forever. You also had an exceptionally bad time of it which if circumsatnces had been different you may of been able to move forward earlier . I am glad that you now feel you can move onwards.
SM hope things are a bit more settled at home now. Any word from your mums dh at all ?
trucking you are still newly bereaved and you will findthe grief catching you out when you least expect it? I agree it's a very strange thing, it's impossible to comprehend that someone is here one minute and gone the next.
To all posters new and old, I hope you all have a good day tomorrow, I know there will be moments of sadness, but as mums it's our day too. For you all

badvoc I forgot to say that I hope your BIL makes a full recovery, what a worry for your sister .

Im sure that is the case Lin.
This thread was a lifeline for me in those dark days x
My bil is improving - 10 days ago we were called in the hospital and told to "prepare ourselves" :(
He will need rehab but it's looking brighter than it did, thank you.

Ssd...I know what you mean.
I was at the cemetery this morning and it still seems so insane that my beloved dad is gone.
But he isn't really gone of course.
Only his physical presence.
I still talk to him as if he were here.
He is still very much a part of my family but it is hard.... in fact when the dr told us the new about my bil my sister wailed "I want my dad" :(
So very hard to be without their loving arms and calm voice.

I also talk to mum when I go to the crem, and if I forget to say goodbye I have to go back ! I will go tomorrow and take her flowers and her special card, the flowers will just be normal flowers as I take them every fortnight anyway, and I am very careful to pick the right ones so they don't get destroyed by those greedy squirrels ! I will also take some for my sister as I like both graves to be the same
It sounds like the news is better for you BIL , long may that be the case. He is so young , but maybe that will work in his favour. Please let us know how he goes along

hope your bil improves, it is horrible to go through such hard times without the people we considered out rock.

went to cemetery this morning left laminated cards even though I'm not supposed too, mum would of thought that was funny as I don't often rebel. no word from her dh don't think there will be now. It's a shame but what can I do can't force him to keep in touch. not looking forward to tomorrow my nan always takes it so hard especially when her other children don't get in touch . will be thinking of you all tomorrow, this thread has been a lifeline for me and I am forever grateful to have you all although I wish you didn't have to be here

I will, Lin.
He is not going to be an easy patient! :)
He told my sister she is an idiot and too fat!
Of course he also told his sister she is crazy and apparently I am "the best one" !....he must be ill! :)

I'm really really upset today, I want Mother's Day to be special for my mum (I love buying gifts anyway) but I just feel no enthusiasm for myself, my poor kids have got me a few things but I just don't want anything except my dad, before he got ill x

chicken I know it will be a difficult day but for the sake of your children who will take so much pleasure giving you their gifts you may just have to " pretend " to be happy for them. We all understand how difficult things can be when we are so hurt.

I've had my present off the children today as ss and sd have gone to their mums and dp working tomorrow. They bought me a bottle of coconut rum they know me well.