Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

So hard riverboat having to wait all that time for the funeral, we had a 2 week wait due to a backlog of people to bury/cremate! Hopefully you can use the time to do practical stuff as well as reflect.

ALB1, so sorry for you all, 40s is so so young and very hard on you. Agree with greylily re continuing to talk to her. 'They' say that hearing is the last to go and it does give you great comfort to know that you said all that you needed to whilst they were alive. Play her comforting music too. Sending you strength for the difficult times ahead.

Dad's funeral was yesterday, was so weird i took my little boy to the park in the morning and a lovely dog came over, the owner called its name and guess what - it was my dad's name! What are the chances of that?! And it really isn't a name I've ever heard a dog called before. It was a lovely sunny day, the service was nice and i managed to read out my poem which i was really chuffed about. So all in all couldn't have gone better, but now just feel immense sadness...

I have been to a funeral today , but it was fine, was a very old uncle of my ex dh, who lives in Ireland and couldn't make it back as he is once again in hospital, so dd and I went . It was a very small gathering , only about 12 of us there ( he was 96 ) but was a lovely service and the vicar actually gave a good speech about his life, only thing that upset me was the going out music was the same as I had for my mums, which made my heart leap.

I managed to get to work yesterday morning for a bit, but felt very odd & wobbly, had a cuppa with a friend which was lovely, then a great evening at my DD's concert which she organised for a mental health charity. My heart could burst with pride for her - she did so well and was so mature and poised, she played in the orchestra & sang a song

I wish I could email my Mum to tell her how it went. She was always wanting to hear about the DC's activities, I used to email her with news every week when they lived in France, and even when they lived here as she struggled with her hearing and it was the best way to communicate sometimes. There are piles of emails from family in mum & dad's house, that she'd printed off - she used to read them over and over.

I'm hoping my constant stomach upset and locked up shoulders will go away once the funeral has taken place. Lost 2lb in under a week.

PingPongBat - I well remember the stomach upsets and tense shoulders - both will ease, they really will.

Well done to your DD - brilliant and a great cause. I remember actually emailing my mum after she died - goodness knows where the emails went to - probably still in her account (I didn't know the password so couldn't access) though I guess it's been closed down by now. But I told her things that my DCs were doing and now I write the odd note for her here and there and have the odd chat. I can't believe that she isn't aware of what they're getting up to.

starfish - thinking of you - fantastic you read your poem. And I love the story about the dog!

Hope everyone is going along okay and taking care of themselves there has been lots of new posters and i haven't quite kept up. i will be around to read up tonight.

Things are a bit difficult at the moment and I am not sure what to do my grandparents really arent getting on and its worrying us. I know that everyone argues but there doesn't seem to be a run of a couple of days where they arent speaking lately. things are strained for various reasons about their other children and general clash of personalities. its upsetting me but i am at a total loss at what to say or do.

Sounds difficult SM , but not sure if there is anything you can do. It's probably tied up with your mum. I guess you can just be there if they want to discuss anything.
starfish glad it went well and you coped ok! that's lovely about the little dog story !
elenor4 I too have sent messages to my mum! but to her mobile phone which I have upstairs in a cupboard.
pingpongglad you managed to get to work and coped with that, the waiting for the funeral is a very strange time indeed and very stressful, your aches and pains will gradually diminish once the funeral is over.

Just popped on to see how you are today starfish hope you haven't had too bad a day.
To everyone , hope you are all doing ok and have got better weather than we have here.
ssd have a good weekend! we lost today !

Haven't done much today but had such a good week at home no arguments just a really mellow week where everyone seemed to enjoy doing what they were doing. its been nice and I've felt more able to relax a bit instead of being on edge. haven't seen my grandparents today what they are falling out over is difficult but it's not something we can advise them on so it's awkward. how is everyone?

Well to be honest mummylin think its all just hitting home now. Finally left mums house after almost 3 weeks of being there to come home (i live about 300 miles away!). As soon as i walked thru my front door the floodgates opened and the realisation hit that I'd never see my dad again. Probably did me the world of good though as it was always brewing in the background... back to normal life now and work next week. Just so hard hey.

Glad you had a good week supermario

Happy weekend everyone...

I think that does sound like you needed the release it is always when we stop and take stock of the what's happened that it seems almost unbelievable. .take care of yourself

It will take you a while starfish there comes a time when it seems to hit you and you think " oh my god this is real " you will have good and bad days for quite a while, but slowly the gaps between the bad and the good get longer. You will maybe see something in a shop which will remind you of your dad and that will be upsetting, but it's all normal and part of the grieving, but at the same time helps to heal a bit.
Going back to work will help you to get back to a " new " normality. Hope it will go well for you.

Thank you. I'm so glad i joined this thread otherwise i would have thought i was having some sort of delayed reaction. Makes me wonder what on earth ive been thinking for the last 3 weeks, but i guess its so much to take in, plus the stress of watching a loved one pass away, all the travelling during his last weeks, arrangements etc. I just keep thinking of him when he was well now and thinking 'I'll never see or speak to that lovely man ever again...'
I guess you have all been through/going through the same thing so know what that feels like. Love to everyone.

I'm now waiting for the other realisation to hit that I'm having a bloody baby in 3 months time and will have 2 under 2 to contend with!! That's probably a whole new thread!

shame they lost sm, dh's team playing today!!
sm, that sounds so difficult to deal with not sure what to advise you to do about your grandparents, I guess all you can do is sit back and see what happens....but am glad you had a good week at home.

I'm finding it hard to keep up with all the new posters and sometimes I must admit I skim the thread as reading too much brings it all back and I am trying to avoid that, but for you all here xx

I suppose there isn't much I can do just be around and chat to both of them equally. I think sometimes my nan feels too guilty to have a relationship with her other daughter because my mum isn't here. my aunt hasn't always been there and doesn't keep in touch much but even when she does its like my nan can't let herself have a daughter because she lost mum. my mum was her youngest child it's hard all round. how are you doing ssd?

I'm ok thanks, doing ok, have my moments but havent we all!! I just avoid situations where I know I'll be hurt, and its worked so far.
thats so sad about your nan not letting herself have a daughter because she lost your mum. its just really heart breaking all round. your mum sounds like she was really really loved. I hope the sadness lifts a bit for you all one day, although I know it comes and goes and always will. I guess the best we can wish for is to find some peace in accepting whats happened, I find just actually accepting it is a real struggle that takes a long long time, you know what happened but you fight against accepting it till the fight wears you out

Not sure why but I'm really struggling this weekend. It's a week since Mum died. Yesterday morning DH came with me to buy something to wear for the funeral, but it was kind of all down hill from there. I managed to go to town for half an hour in the afternoon on my own, but it felt wrong, I just stared at the pavement and rushed about trying to get everything done so I could get home.

Last night I couldn't eat and went to bed at 7.30. I'm supposed to be reviewing DB1's eulogy at some point but I don't want to look at it any more. I don't want do have to do this, the funeral, the reading, the wake, the organisation, propping up dad. I've had enough. I just want it to be over, to go away. Just want to hide. How am I going to get through the next 3 days? Got a big family lunch today, 14 of us, it would normally be great as I love all my family, but it all seems too much to cope with today particularly as the reason we're together is that Mum has gone.

pingpong it's a really tough time for you right now! but you will get through it! somehow we find the added strength . It's an awful awful time and it's hard to accept that it's happened at all. I think we become disconnected from the world for a time. You wonder how the world keeps turning, you see everyone else just going about their business and want to scream at them " don't you know my mums just died " it all seems so unfair. And then you read on some of the threads on here how someone hates their mum and dosent care if they die, and we just wish that our mums were still here and don't understand how they can be so cruel.
Events like this changes our lives forever , for myself life will never ever be the same, I miss my mum terribly , but I still talk about her almost every day and even sometimes I still want to ring her and tell her something. Then you remember, she isn't here to tell. It's utterly heartbreaking. But somehow we get through it, but I think it helps to be able to chat to others who understand exactly how it is. People in RL seem to be very kind to start off with, then after a few weeks expect us to of " got over it " when this isn't how it is at all. You will be the same as the rest of us and put on a brave face, whilst quietly cracking up inside and wondering how others can't see how upset you are.we understand your pain pingpong and will be here to support you.
Iam going to the crem today to do my mum and my sisters flowers, and I will have a few words with them both. Take care and look after yourself

I read the previous posts but at the moment things are going in one ear & out the other, I've just had the 3 month mark, I can't believe it's been that long already I was sorting through paperwork & found some photos of my dad that were taken when he was healthy & I just want to show everyone I'm glad I found them but every time I look at them I cry, it's like I'd forgotten what he looked like before he got "ill" x

Hi chickenoodle gosh it only seems like 5 mins ago, where does the time go so quickly ? I am glad you have found the photos, they take on an even greater importance when the person is no longer here, they are part of our happier memories aren't they. I hope eventually they will bring you comfort.

It's sometimes the smallest things that can set me off, today it was a pair of socks. For christmas I got my dad some muppet socks and Christmas Day he work Kermit, my daughter wore them recently at my mums and I was pairing them this morning and cried. It's nearly two months since he died and I miss him so much.

They do mummylin & even though I see lots of photos of him, these aren't posed, I don't think he even knew I'd taken them so they're very "him" if that makes sense, it's like I'm sitting across from him & seeing him again, hard to look at but lovely x
P.S I only posted here a few weeks ago, but it does seem all like 5 mins ago lol & I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who is supporting me & others on this thread, even though we're all in the same boat xxx

archiesnan I have a pair of my grandads socks in my kitchen drawer! I have had them for 26 yrs ! They are an awful pair of green nylon socks but something I can never part with. I understand how upsetting these things can be.
chicken yes you are right! all in the same boat here but different stages. I think in the beginning it's just awful and when I began to speak to others in the same position, it helped me see that I was not alone and mostly we all have the same sort of issues. So for newly bereaved people that come to this thread, we hope they can all get some sort of support from us.
I would of completely cracked if I hadn't of had all such lovely folk to chat with.
I think that if someone hasn't gone through it, they really don't know how it feels so can't empathise so much.
I'm very glad that you think it has helped. That's what I meant to say in the first place

Hello, can I join you? 3 months tomorrow since I lost my mum and I am struggling tonight. It's all coming flooding back and I just miss her so much
Some days I feel fine (even though I think about her every day), other days i think I am ok and the slightest thing / memory will hit and I feel heartbroken again. The pain still feels physical at times.
I find it overwhelming when I think about it too much and know I will never see or talk to my lovely mum again for the rest of my life. I am only 43 and she was only 65 .. No age to go
My dad has good and bad days and I try to stay strong for him. Also my dh and kids keep me going, but tonight nothing is making it better. I miss you mum x

Hello sparkly I'm sorry that you have had to join this thread.
You are still in the very new days of being bereaved and it's understandable how you are feeling. Gradually you will have bigger gaps between being ok- ish and being sad. But even then unexpectedly something is said, you hear a song or some other memory upsets you. Not much any of us can do to stop that, so sometimes it's best to have a good old cry and let some of your sorrow out.
There is also the other upsetting thing, that as the weeks go by, it's then longer since we last saw our mum / dad and that in itself is upsetting. Then you look forward and they aren't in our lives, something else to upset us, and so it continues.
Today I was in Clintons amongst all the Mother's Day cards, I found that upsetting, but I did in fact buy one of the laminated "in memory on mothers day " cards, which I will take up to her grave.
You have my greatest sympathy and I hope this thread can help you through it in some way.

candykane are you ok ?