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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 15/01/2015 23:29

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

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12
Sparkygal · 02/03/2015 23:17

Thank you Mummylin.

starfish12 · 03/03/2015 09:27

3 weeks today since my dad passed away. I still can't believe it. I'm back to work today - working from home thank goodness as I've been awake since 3am for some reason!

Dropped my son at nursery, came home and cried my eyes out that I'll never see dad again. Funny that on the topic of socks I also wore a pair of my dad's socks the other day as I had ran out, saw them in the washing basket this am and cried.

Mummy - I didn't realise you could get in memory mothers day cards, that's a lovely thing to do.

So sorry for everyone's recent losses too - feels like a few of us joined this thread at the same time

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 03/03/2015 10:03

starfishthey sell the cards in Clintons., but I have got them from the Internet for birthdays, Memorial Day, Christmas etc, they are laminated so won't spoil being outside. It's one way for me at least to still buy cards for my mum, they have lovely words on them as well.
I think it's the realisation that we won't see our loved one again makes us so upset, it seems to hit all of a sudden.
Hope your time at work goes ok

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candykane25 · 03/03/2015 15:02

Hi mummin and all,

We be had a busy time of it. Dd has been poorly and not much sleep has been had. My sisters nephew with leukaemia has surprised all the doctors by keeping going so it's one day at a time for him. I've had several health issues going on too, multiple hospital appointments but all under control.
This month will bring the six month mark since my darling dad died. It seems like two or three weeks, not half a year. I still expect him to knock on my window at any moment, walk through the door with a smile and a kiss and scoop my DD up into his arms. Unbelievably hard to keep on having the realisation that that won't happen. Miss him.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 03/03/2015 15:55

Hi candy it's so sad about the little boy?we went through something similar with our friends so who had a brain tumour. It was unbelievably sad and upsetting. He was 12 yrs old, life is so cruel.
Sorry that you have so many hosp apt, that is more stress added, when you can do without it.
Half a year already, where does all the time go and so quickly too. I was wondering where you were, glad you are ok ish

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candykane25 · 04/03/2015 08:55

Hi all,

I'm lucky enough to still have my grandad who is 94 and in great health. He was my dad's dad but he lives with my mum, which is a great comfort to both of them, and us, as they watch out for each other.
However although I refer to him as Great Grandad to my DD, her being only little she calls him Grandad. She says she is going to Grandma and grandads house. Even though I can see that is lovely and she's so lucky to have that, it pierces my heart. My dad was Grandad and he adored her and it hurts me that he's not here to watch her grow.
Sobbing quietly this morning with an overwhelming all consuming grief.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 04/03/2015 09:52

It sounds like it's suddenly affecting you badly candy I know how awful it is! all I can say is that eventually it does get better. You will always love and miss your dad, but the awful gut wrenching grief does abate a little. It's the realisation that they really have gone and it bloody hurts like nothing else. But on the other hand , you do have to feel this grief, it's normal but so painful. It's best to cry than let it build up inside you. Maybe the tears are to help us heal. I don't know. All I know is, it's the worst thing to have to go through. I really feel for you Thanks

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candykane25 · 04/03/2015 12:03

Thanks Thanks

ssd · 04/03/2015 16:44

candy, its lovely that your grandad lives with your mum, that must be a great comfort to each other...I feel for you too, its just really beyond words Thanks

mumslife · 05/03/2015 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starfish12 · 05/03/2015 21:37

Ah mumslife I'm so sorry for your loss. The people on this thread are lovely. I lost my dad 3 weeks ago and find its been so helpful chatting on here.
Look after yourself during this very surreal time. There's no two ways about it - its totally shit. Sending you strength and hugs xx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 05/03/2015 21:52

So sorry mumslife it really is the most awful time isn't it! almost surreal. For a second in the morning when you wake it's almost normal, then bang a second later back it floods. I expect you can't believe it's happened. We all understand on this thread so hope we can give you some support.
Do you have support in RL , siblings etc ? It definitely helps at this time. It's a very strange time between now and the funeral, you end up in Limbo land. Do make sure that you eat regularly , the last thing you need is to get so low that you become ill.
Do you want to talk about your dad ?
One other thing , don't bottle up your tears, they are part of the grieving process. It's ok to cry. Take care

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candykane25 · 06/03/2015 09:59

Hi mumslife, I'm sorry you have lost your dad. X

candykane25 · 06/03/2015 10:58

I think one of the things that surprises me about living on after my dad has gone is that my dad is still my dad if that makes sense. Just because he's not here anymore doesn't stop him from still being a part of me.

supermariossister · 06/03/2015 11:04

It's strange isn't it candy. I don't feel like I haven't got a mum more that she isn't here. sometimes I could fool myself that she is living abroad in some foreign country unable to visit us

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 06/03/2015 11:16

Yes of course he is candy, and he lives on through you.
SM I used to think like that about my sister, I imagined she had gone to live in Australia !

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supermariossister · 06/03/2015 11:19

Australia is a good choice. how are you?

ssd · 06/03/2015 16:45

why cant people realise what they have?? theres a thread on here about a woman who doesnt want to go to the cinema with her mum who is in her 70's and watch the movie her mum wants to see as she doesnt fancy it....I'm almost posting FFS your mum is in her 70's and your asking this????

whats wrong with some people Angry

ssd · 06/03/2015 20:15

sorry for rant Blush

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 06/03/2015 20:44

Because until something happens ssd they have no inkling how awful and sad they will be when their mum is no longer here. I would love to go to the pictures with my mum Sad

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candykane25 · 06/03/2015 21:00

I haven't seen that thread Ssd but purely just out of respect for my mum, her age, and the fact she raised me would automatically mean she gets to watch whatever film she wants. Some people are just self entitled and don't put other people first.

mumslife · 06/03/2015 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2gorgeousboys · 06/03/2015 22:11

Sorry to hear of your loss Mumslife.
I hope you don't mind me joining you all, I lost my father in law last week and just don't know how to help my DH. It was so sudden and unexpected that everyone is in shock.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 06/03/2015 22:32

mumslife it seems you have been through a lot the last few weeks, and your dad had a lot to suffer. I am glad that you and your family were able to grant his wish of being at home and that his family were with him when he died
2gorgeousboys sorry to hear about your FIL. All you can really do is to be there for your dh for when he wants to talk, or maybe even just to have someone to sit with. It's an awful time for him and he will be glad of all the support he can get.
We tend to forget that death is equally as bad for men as it is for women and I think that men are expected to be brave and strong when in reality they are heartbroken. He is welcome to list here if it would help.

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candykane25 · 06/03/2015 22:59

Mumslife, I lost my dad to cancer six months ago, he also had hospice at home with me and my sister staying over to provide care. My dad followed a similar path to yours. He also had confusion and hallucinations which was attributed to his liver not functioning. It's very strange watching someone change that much in front of you.
At first I couldn't get past the awfulness of his last few weeks but now I am able to focus on the rest of my dad's life which was happy. It's one day at a time x

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