Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

The anniversary's are very hard chubby, it will come round and it will be hard and at times very upsetting but someone how you do get the strength to get through, light a candle chubby or do something you know she would like you to do for you or something you guys would do together.
will be thinking of you and we will be here for you xx

hey guys how is everyone doing? anniversaries I find the run up really hard thinking we would of been doing this/this is the last time she did this. had a bloody awful few days here this week with the kids, am so tired all the time with these painkillers just feel like I've got no patience to deal with the endless spats and whinging.

I too am coming up to the first anniversary of my mothers death, the 8th of August and her birthday was the 3rd of August.
I have no words to express how I feel.

Just discovered this thread

My dad died very suddenly in 2009. He went in for an exploratory operation on the Friday. We had plans for a family dinner on the Sunday. He deteriorated at an alarming rate and we lost him at 0035 on the Tues morning. Thankfully the hospital had an adjacent hotel where we stayed (at NHS expense) for the duration.

My mum lost her soul mate. My brother and I lost our amazing dad. My nieces lost their 'funny' grandpa and my sister in law the only father figure she ever knew.

On the whole I cope ok - apart from the fact I can't eat toasted cheese, the one thing my dad made for me every time I visited

I dread the anniversary each year as I relive every moment from the Saturday afternoon til the Tuesday. I keep getting told 'oh try not to think about it' I wish it was that easy.

January 2015 will be especially hard as the days and the date match 2009. I always take that time very hard and have already booked the time off work

Sometimes I think friends maybe think I should be 'over it' by now but I'm not.

I love my dad so much, we were so close and I still miss him every day x

Redglitter

I understand your point about toasted cheese. I haven't watched Hawaii 5-0 since last May because it was my mums 'thing' and I can't watch it without her.

Dad.
It's a year today since we lost you.
How is that possible?
I miss you like a physical pain. Your loss is so deep, so profound. I feel utterly adrift without you.
We are all doing our best. But it's hard.
I love you dad.
Xx

I would like to share with you all this poem. It's means a great deal to me. And since dads death, even more.

Normal Day.

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.
One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.”

? Mary Jean Irion

Dear badvoc I remember that day so well and can't believe it's a whole year gone by. Remember your dad with love and think of the happier times.
To the newcomers on this thread, I am sorry that you to have suffered a loss.
We have all been through it on this thread with various causes and various timescales, but we have one thing in common, we all lost someone we loved and find it hard without them. But it does help to speak to like minded people as we all understand the pain it has caused.
We have all found out the people who really care and who are real friends. The world is a very sad place sometimes, but finding such lovely friends on this thread has helped me enormously.

Badderz

I am moving house and moving into my dad's flat. It's mine now but it's still my dad's - you know? He bought it as a BTL years ago.

I was thinking yesterday how much I just wanted a big hug from him!

My dear mum passed away at midnight pain free right now I am numb me & my sister are adult orphans having lost dad in 1996,

mrsWolfe so sorry for your loss. It knocks you for six dosent it. I think it's the most awful mind numbing thing and it's almost like its a really bad dream. You look around and everyone is just carrying on as normal , while you are in such pain. It makes you feel as if you want to scream " don't you know what's just happened "
The first few days its like you are on auto pilot, just numbly doing what has to be done.
I hope you have family and friends to support you through this very sad time.
My mum was always saying " when I'm not here " and I used to hate it knowing that one day I would lose her. It's almost unbearable.i think our lives change forever when a parent dies but with support ( and lots of tears ) it does eventually get a bit better.
Take time for yourself and if you feel tears threatening, let them fall, don't bottle it all up.
Please post again when you feel like it, there is normally someone popping in and out,

Sorry for your loos mrswolf x

Oh, my goodness....
loss
I am very sorry for your loss.
Trust me!

Hope you are coping "mrswolfe*. These first few days there seems to be such a lot to do dosent there. Thinking of you
Ssd,T,Sm,badvoc, branstonpickle, biscuits and anyone I haven't mentioned, I hope you are all getting along as best as you can.
branston I hope you will feel surrounded by your dads love when you move into his home. Good luck with the move.

I went to a show last night and had very mixed feelings. It was to our local theatre where we have all been many times with our mum. I could picture her sitting with us and clapping away to the music. And then for the last song it was her favourite Roy Orbison track. I had to tell her " this one is for you mum " she would of loved it. I miss her.

im sure she got to hear it linn :D its strange isn't it being part of something that they would love to do and sort of feeling guilty for it. I went out for the day with grandparents the other day and was watching ds play on the beach feeling guilty that she didn't get to see it.

Hope everyone is doing ok for the present. Had a very busy week one way or another so not been posting much.
It is pouring with rain here. Which does tend to lower the spirits somewhat, but good weather will be back so they say ! Take care all

Just noticed this thread... having posted a thread of my own with a big essay, I won't repeat myself here... but I hope it's ok to stop by.

Lost my Dad unexpectedly 18 months ago the day before he was due home after being given the all clear from his cancer. It happened just three months after my wedding, and one month before when DH and I were originally planning TTC. I'm now 12 weeks pregnant with first DC and every day I imagine how he'd be loving every moment of preparing to be a grandpa.

It breaks my heart that my children will never know such an amazing, wonderful man.

Hello "freneticfox" I am sorry you have suffered the loss of your dad. That must of been an awful shock for you after you thought he was well.my sister was pregnant when our mum died with twins, the first ever in our family and she didnt get to meet them. It's so sad. But my sister has told them about her and if they see a photo they know who it is. That's how your little baby will know your dad, through your memories and talking about him. It's all very sad and heartbreaking for you. But think of it another way, your baby will only be he as the result of him. You are his child and so your dads genes continue. Please post whenever you want a chat or a little rant. Take care of yourself and the bump !

Thank you mummylin. My Dad and I were very close... he was told he was infertile when he was in his 30s and took it hard, it wasn't until her met my stubborn mother that they went through a lot of IVF/other fertility treatments so I was his 'miracle' baby in a way. I think it's just a terrible injustice that my children won't know him

Yes it does seem like that dosent it. You think of all the things they are missing out on dont you. And I think it's very hard to accept that someone is not here anymore. You think " how is it possible " ? But we. CAnt change things sadly, if we could I know that all of us on this thread would get our loved ones back, even if only for a few minutes.
But new life comes along and gives hope for the future and that hopefully for you will give you something so precious, that your grief will lesson and you can be happy again. I do hope so.

4 months today since my precious Dad died....my only consolation is that I know he is with my two sons - protecting them and loving them like he did when they were still here. xx

That is a lovely way to think of your dad shabbs, looking after your two boys. That 4 months has gone by very quickly hasn't it. How is your mum doing now ?

It has gone by so quickly that its scary...IF my Mum did not have Alzheimers she would be 'the boss' - we would sit together and talk about Dad, have a cry, a few laughs then go together to the cemetry and leave flowers for him. As it is she gets her Dad mixed up with my Dad - physically she is doing great - putting on some weight and looking better. Sadly the Alzheimers marches on and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. We spend most of our time laughing, singing and teasing each other. They have given her lots of jobs around the nursing home!! She asked could she polish the woodwork and they said (after checking with myself and my brother) that would be a great help.

She has her own apron with her name badge on!! She polishes for hours. She keeps going into the kitchens and helping with the washing up. At the weekend they asked her how to make vegetable soup (even though they obviously knew) and she talked them through it all and helped peel the vegetables.

Its a lovely nursing home....a massive converted vicarage. Room for 28 residents. Not a posh place, but homely and comfy for all of them.

Sounds as if the home is treating your mum very kindly. It's good she has some "jobs" to do. I expect it makes her feel she is still useful . It's a terrible illness and I think it's awful for the family to have to watch the decline of their family member.

At 2.30 am tomorrow it will be 8 years since I received the news that my beloved Dad had died. I still remember that moment, the moment I became an orphan. I know I was a grown up, married with 3 DC's of my own but it was still a defining moment of my life and I miss him (and Mum) still.
I was my Dad's girl, my sister was Mum's, although we all loved each other we naturally graduated to one parent who was most like us.

There have been so many moments my Dad would have burst with pride at, my DS1 in his naval CCF uniform, DS2 winning a running prize, my DD's graduation as a nurse and my nieces wedding amongst many others.
I know he would also have been so proud of me joining the ambulance service.
He loved us all so much, RIP the most wonderful Dad a girl could ever wish for. The man who taught me to aim for the stars.