Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

Oh that's a shame about your job branston but it seems it worked out for the best as you now have another.
I also went to the crem this week and took some roses and other flowers. I am really careful what I put up there because the squirrels eat any tiny carnation type flower, so I don't buy them anymore, it's disheartening when you go back up and there is a little pile of flower heads on the ground, I think they are after the seeds in the middle !

Oh no; stupid squirrels.

I really miss my dad at the moment. Miss talking to him. He was lovely just to have a conversation with usually!

It's all the little things that we used do isn't it. But one day we will look back and remember things we did and said and it won't cause us pain, just happy memories

I can't wait for that day xx

Our dear mum 82 was diagnosed a week ago with terminal bowel cancer she is so frail but has periods where she will chat & joke .my son her only grandson was helping her to drink & wash her face today ..that just about did it for me ..I hate this filthy disease it took our dad as well

Hello mrswolfe how sad that your mum and your family are having to face this terrible illness. I hope you will still have time to make yourself some very precious memories, it's good that you can stll have a chat and a joke. Sending you strength to get through this, but I hope you still have a decent amount of time together.

Mrs Wolfe - so very sorry to hear about your Mum.....my precious Dad was diagnosed with terminal oral cancer in March, 2013...given a few weeks to live and we lost him in April, 2014.

Its difficult to express the loss of a parent - all I can say is that my Dad is no longer physically with me and my precious Mam has Alzheimers and is in a nursing home 15 minutes walk from my house. If feel like a frightened 5 year old little kid.

My Dad used to love this song and I think that making memories is very important. My love to you and your family.....just make the most of every moment. xxx

I wonder if I'm strange, at times, as it doesn't cause me pain now even though my loss is very recent. I've barely cried, although I have a bit of course.

I think my feelings are so complicated due to being relieved, in a sense, my parents are together again and also I felt angry for a long time at my dad. Angry he wasn't there when we lost our mum, literally and metaphorically (moved in with another woman almost straight away) and angry that losing one parent was something I had to suck up and get over. In many ways I was denied my grieving process for my mum, and it subsequently came out in all sorts of strange ways years later.

Anger was definitely the main emotion on losing my dad - not anger at him dying but anger at his life: it brought up a lot of old resentments, and grieving for him has allowed them to heal.

I'm sad I'm not sadder, if that makes sense.

Hello all
Sorry I have been AWOL but Ds had his op on Tuesday and it's been a bit fraught since then.
Ds is doing ok but the next 2 or 3 days will probably be the worst for him - he had both adenoids and tonsils out.
He was so brave. I am very proud of him.
I am pretty tired...I stayed in overnight with him and am sleeping with him ATM in so feel a it out if it, so,please excuse any odd spelling!
I am going to counselling again today...she was quite insistent on seeing me this week - Ds op was on my usual day.
I feel too,tired to go tbh, I can't even remember what we talked about last time!
It will be a year next Sunday since dad died....incredible.
Can you remember my first posts on here Lin? What a light in the darkness you were for me.
Mum, sis, bro and I have booked to go for Sunday lunch on the day...feel like we should mark the day on some way. Wreaths ordered.
Just feels so...unreal still.
I think perhaps it always will.
I think of you all often, sorry I don't get to post so much recently x

At least this time I can see who it is even with your name change !!!!
Glad your ds on the way to recovery.
Yes I remember it very well and then the same day your mum going into hospital, what an awful day that was for you, if I remember right you were all at a wedding ?
Where has the last year gone ? And in that time what a terrible amount of stress you have been under, but you are getting through it somehow. You may not think so but you are quite strong to of coped. Hope your meeting goes well x

badvoc, I'm the same, mummylin has been a real chink of light for me, as has t875 and all of you, I'm so glad I found this thread when I did.

mrswolfe, your son sounds like a lovely boy.

for all of us here xx

I'm having an absolutely awful day today and having some really black, dark thoughts that I just can't escape. I'm sorry if this brings anybody down, but I feel as if I just don't want to live - it's too painful. (I won't do anything, don't worry, but I really, really wish I could just - stop.)

I too had thoughts like that at one time, even the thought of my children and theirs wasnt enough to lift my spirits, but luckily it soon passed and I really am not a person who gets depressed. It was just that my grief felt unbearable and the thought of feeling the same for the foreseeable future was unbearable. It has not been that long for you branston but if these feelings reall overwhelm you then maybe a trip to your doc would help. Chin up , you will be ok

Just got back from my parents house. Dad said, in his will, that he wanted all his clothes to go to the charity shop. DB said he couldnt do it so I have just spent 2 hours trying to sort out everything.

All the clothes that he wore when he was ill (he used to be a XL but ended up in small size clothes) I had washed and ironed over and over. They all smell of lovely scented fabric conditioner but I can still smell the illness on them as well - if that makes any sense?

So there I was - packing up clothes in total silence. Hoping and praying that Dad would 'come to me' - but he didn't. Not even a quirky sign. Nothing, nothing at all. Thats how it feels - almost as though he was never here. Miss you so much 'our Harry.' xxx

Shabbs...mum and I took bags of dad's clothes to the BHF shop a few weeks go.
His brand new suit he bought for my cousins wedding...his beloved polo shirts...
It's very hard.
I haven't dreamt about dad once - in nearly a year. I wonder why? I don't sleep well...I am not sure I ever get into deep sleep.
I wish I could. I wish he would send me a sign.
I miss him.
I miss his laugh, his smell, the feel of his roughened hands, his silly sense of humour. All of it. I miss all of it.
And it doesn't feel like it will ever get better...

Badderz I have also never dreamt about my Dad - although he only passed early April. I haven't had any signs - nothing at all.

Meant to say that the clothes he had been wearing all the time he was ill I have put in the bin......he wouldn't want anyone to know how much weight he actually did lose and what a bad condition his clothes got into.

Have spent the afternoon sulking - I miss him beyond words. xxx

I'm sorry shabbs and badvoc. I hope you do both get a sign, or a feel of something.
When my dad died 15 years ago I didn't get any dreams or signs and when I asked mum what happens when we go she said "nothing, when you're dead you're dead.", so I sort of accepted that was that.
But since mum died I truly believe I've had signs from her or dad, especially before I cleared mums house, which I did alone, 3 weeks after she died. It was horrendous and I couldn't have done it otherwise and mum or dad knew this.

what I'm trying to say is even if you don't get a sign, they will still be there, I'm sure of that x

Someone told me they see feathers as a sign... And since I heard that I've seen them everywhere. 2 on my driveway walking the kids to school, whole, lovely looking ones and today in the garden sticking straight up out of a pot I was watering. All happened when I was with my best friend. It would be so lovely if it were true... And others had experiences of this?

yes, its small single white fluffy feathers for me.

I too believe in the white feathers. I must believe my mum is around somewhere because I chat to her thinking she will hear me.

I see feathers a lot, although I'm never sure if they are just from birds or not! There was one in my car the other day before my job interview then I noticed another as I was being shown around the school. I didn't get that job (although I came very close which I'm pleased about :)) so I hope my mum and dad were supporting me and saying just to do my best.

I was so low this weekend. Thanks for supporting me ladies Yesterday I seriously thought I might need medication! Today I'm okay. It was my Mum's birthday yesterday, she died in April 1998 - yesterday she would have been 69. Dad was 69 in February, he died in May. It's so hard knowing neither of them reached their 70s.

I'm a bit 'grr' today because of a situation with my aunt (dad's sister) - she's never been helpful but she's upset my brother. He went round for 'advice' re selling the caravan (I told him not to!) and she kept saying how worried Dad was about my brother and saying I walked out of my job I DIDN'T! I took compassionate leave in May, that's all!

I move into my (well, Dad's) flat next week. I go on holiday a week today and after that move Things seem very real. I don't know if I'll stay in the area long term but, we'll see ... My cats will be pleased , they hate my brother!!

hi all sorry I have been no use still injured, it's hard isn't it thinking what you would of been doing isn't it. my sister is going through a tough time at the minute and I don't feel much use mum would of known what to suggest and pulled no punches saying it. my mums husband is still not replying to me, think it speaks for itself really

Hi SM, so sorry things have not improved between you and your mums dh. I sure your mum would be very upset by this. It would be nice to think that a bereavement would help to bring people together but as happens so often. It causes rifts in the family. Is this all do to with the plants your gps took to the cemetery ? Seems a silly thing to cause such upset for everyone. Could you write him a letter ?
Sorry your foot still playing up, hope it soon gets better.

Hi everyone. I haven't posted here in a long time - I felt I was doing ok. But lately just feel so oeverwhelmed at missing my mum I almost can't face going on. I miss her so much I feel wracked with grief like I did just after she died.

I'm facing big decisions in preparing to move house and with all the day to day stuff I feel it has just got on top of me. I just wish I had my mum here who would put me first - think of ME first.

It's such a stupid thing - I've got a bone scan next week and it's school holiday and I asked PIL to babysit while I go. They just said Oh we're going on holiday for the week...... - I know on Mumsnet on AIBU I'd be slaughtered for saying they could have just mentioned it before, but I know my mum (and my dad) wouldn't have booked a holiday without mentionng it the week before. They would have asked if there was anything they were needed for - it was the kind of parents they were, and oh I do miss that. I miss that support and fact my mum would have cared. It's a big deal going and now I have to postpone the appointment (my DD has SEN and no one to care for her while I'm there.)

I just feel so overwhelmed of putting everyone else first and no one saying I'm thinking of you.

The last silly thing - I have never, in almost two years, had any sign from my mum and I am heartbroken. I just feel completely abandoned. I feel so sad and just can't face the world atm.

Hello galaxymum it's a strange thing but I think that sometimes the longer the gap between when we last saw our loved ones, it just refreshes the grief all over again. And of course no matter what age we all want our "mummy"
For you at this time it must be especially difficult, particularly when you know that if your mum was here you would have no problem with having someone to help you out at this time.
I don't know if it ever gets better to be honest, I too feel like you and don't really seem to of moved on much in terms of grief. So many times I have wanted to phone her and tell her something, then you are pulled up with a jolt and it hits you all over again.
I hope that you can somehow manage your hospital apt. Have you got to wait till your PIL come back off holiday now ?
Always someone here at some point to offload on when you feel low.