Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

yes you just do what you can, I have friends who shared flats with me years ago before kids, who cant believe I'm doing what I do, they all stayed in the same careers/jobs when they had kids as they had their mums doing all the childcare, so they could be full time and get promotion, now they are bank managers and area managers and I'm embarrassed to be doing such a crap job compared to them, but our circumstances have been so different since having families its mad to even compare...my siblings had help with their kids when mum and dad were still fit, but I came along too late for all that...

sorry your dh is being a pain, he wont understand the position you're in, it must be so difficult for you to see how your brother is struggling, specially when you know how much you all miss your mum. . and of course there's no perfect families, everyone has their struggles, much as they try to deny it!

It's awful the jobs that are on offer to mums who are prepared to work, but have no child are . The employers know this and only offer peanuts.but the thing is you are doing the best you can at the time.whatever job you do is important to someone !
I hope things can work put for you both and that you find a job that pays what you deserve to earn. In other words a fair wage. I have never had a job that paid a lot of money as in the end I worked in catering which is very poorly paid, but it was a regular Steady job and I had a wage, a small one but at least it was something. It is awful trying to stretch the pounds around. I sympathise.

Just an idea, getting into teaching assistant work? Term time only? There is also minute taking work for school governor meetings which are usually in the evening and are paid per session, something to investigate?

My dad retired while I was pregnant, he was very exited about being involved in childcare and school runs, but then he got ill. My mum isn't as confident as she was so I have cut my hours at work. Luckily so far my employer has been supportive.

It is awful mummylin, and the place I work in is a very snooty place where people regularly give me 20p as a tip (often in 2ps and 1ps and the people are loaded).......you think I'm joking, dont you, but I'm not ....I've been there for years, always reliable and honest and hard working and a new boss has come in and given the full timers a £100 bonus at Xmas and gave me nothing...so not only am I the lowest of the low at work I'm also treated as such .

BUT I'm there for my kids, every day before school and after, and am around in the holidays, they kids always know I'm here, my mum was always there for me and I want to be the same with my kids, although I know this is a very old fashioned view and not popular these days...unfortunately the downside is you need to take the jobs that can offer this and they are the sitty jobs no one else would do! Most other people I know that work have a mum or MIL or someone who can do a few days/hours a week for them and so they aren't paying out too much in childcare, but I literally have no help at all and dh works shifts so cant rely on him to be about. I've just not got a choice.

sm, I hope you get something better than what I have! x

round here, the teaching assistants have to work for a year at least on a temporary basis, so theres no guarantee of regular work and also they can ask you to go anywhere at a days notice and I couldnt start at 9 if the school is a distance away as I couldnt leave ds2 alone in the mornings, thats why I never considered this

Hopefully something will come up for you ssd. I used to look after all my GC at different times when their mums went to work. They would not of been able to afford child care. But besides that I loved having them. I didn't have anyone to look after my own kids, as my mum still had two quite young children when I had my first baby. So my dh would look after him in the evenings and I would go out cleaning with my friend.i did the same when I had my dd too. I hated it but we really needed the money.thats very mean of the new boss to ignore you like that

hope things improve for you ssd, if not right now but in the future I think people often forget that not everyone can rely on others the way they may be able too. just watched the fault in our stars, I love the book and the film, some of it hurts though eh too close to home the feelings behind it maybe.

thanks girls, i keep telling myself at least i have a job, even if its rubbish!

Bosses never seem to realise the upset they cause by doing silly unfair things like this. No wonder you are naffed off Ssd.
Fingers crossed something turns up.

I could fill an entire thread by talking about what happens at my work, its pretty unbelievable and full of characters who would never get a job elsewhere, eg. my immediate boss has been moaning all day about how little a bonus she got paid, not knowing I know she got £100, but she knows I got nothing but she would never question it, as long as she's getting all she can then theres nothing for her to worry about, she's the only person who could ever stick up for me and she wouldn't even dream of it, shes went on about that and the fact shes seeing her mum later and what they are doing, she knows I cant talk about mums now so she makes sure she mentions hers every single shift we work together

nasty individual...

sounds hard ssd, must be difficult to put up with without shouting at folk.

feeling crappy tonight about our general situation, feel so lonely without mum to all

I've moaned at dh tonight, he gets the brunt of it, poor bugger

and hugs for you sm, I wish you were nearer me xx

ah am sure dh doesn't mind, it's good for the soul to rant now and again. dp just rang from work on nights it's so boring having noone here at night. least I get to chose what's on tv though. thanks for the hug, seriously need to give myself a boot up the arse I know my mum would do it for me if she were here

Happy New year my lovely cyber family

Hope you all had the best Xmas you could, very hard at times but i remembered her, it hit me after Christmas, and hate the cross over of changing over into new year thinking here we go again another year without her, i raised a glass though!

Have you all heard about the young man gone missing in Kent, he went missing not far from me, even been to the club, its very hard, how can he just dissapear is beyond me.

any ways, think about you all often, couple of days off work which is great,
ssd, biscuits,mummylin, sm, galaxy, badvoc and anyone ive missed hope you guys had a good Christmas [hugs] xx

Happy new year t875.

I became a cropper in marks and Spencer again yesterday. I was in the food hall and the last time I was in there I was buying my dad soup four months ago, as soup was all he could eat at the end. Again just felt like sobbing in the aisles.

I think that a particular stumbling block for me is that before he was ill, my dad was really fit, full of life and energy. I was merrily taking him for granted, assuming he'd be around for a long time and then out of the blue he became ill and once he started being ill he was very vey poorly for 12months. And now he's gone.
He was one of my best friends as well as my dad. I didn't fully realise that until after he'd gone. I miss just laughing with him.
I keep being shocked by the fact he's gone. It takes my breath away.

your dad sounds lovely candycane25.....I can understand your bewilderment about losing your dad when he was so fit and well before his sudden illness, but in my experience, I think the bewilderment hits you whatever the situation, as you just can't believe the person is actually gone. My mum was very elderly and frail, and after knowing the pain of losing my dad many years before, I used to try to gear myself up to know that she would die one day, maybe sooner rather than later, but even though I tried to steal myself with this knowledge I was still utterly poleaxed by her death and am still coming to terms with it, more than 2 years later. I think nothing prepares you for how you feel when you lose a much loved parent. I hope this helps you a bit with thinking about your dad, I think even if he was 20 years older you'd be feeling the same, as you just loved him so much

Hello all. I have to face my aunts funeral tomorrow , I have had a long chat with my cousin this evening and she is dreading it. I have told her that she will get through it, as we all have to. But we were recalling things that my aunt used to do. It brings back the sad memories of my mum as all my siblings and my cousin will be together at yet another funeral . What a sad life at times this can be, thinking of you all.

hope you get through it as best you can mummylin xx

sorry, hi t875, just seen your post above xx

Hi all,

Mummylin I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Just found out, through a convoluted process involving DNA testing and a genetic study which involves several members of my immediate family, that it is most probable that I have the BRCA 2 gene which gives an 80 per cent chance of getting breast or ovarian cancer. I have suspected this since my grandma died of ovarian cancer but to have a medical professional confirm it is a blow.
Have to have an annual mammogram but there is no ovarian cancer screening.
Need to seek further info and advice, obviously.
It seems never ending.

Oh my god candy how frightening to find that out. If they don't give ovaries a scan is going private an option ? There will be options for you I'm sure if there is a high risk of you getting breast cancer.that must be very scary to be told that , I hope that you will be one of the lucky people and it will bypass you.

Oh candy cane i honestly couldn't imagine losing my dad i hate it without my mum but losing my dad too i cant comprehend, i swear ill be in a loony bin. Holding out a arm for you and big hug. I remember them times with the shops, they do get a bit easier, i couldn't go to the shops for a good 4 months as it was very hard or id pick where i need to go and get in and out fast.. and don't get me started on card shops. I do still get choked though seeing things here and there but i do 'talk' to her though and say 'what do you think eh mum, you'd like them wouldn't you' and look round thinking yeah i bet you think im crazy! lol

xx

Oh wow Candy cane, hope you will be ok, i know easier said than done, please try not to worry although i can imagine it is though hugs to you xx

Thinking of you tomorrow Mummylin, , thoughts with everyone xx

ssd ((hugs)) to you always xx

T875 I am fortunate to still have my mum so it we have it the other way round from each other. It's really hard either way.
Geneticist is getting in touch today. I am booked in with GP next week. I have so many questions.

Everything went very well today my cousin as so brave despite telling me yesterday how worried she was. She was very strong. Was nice to see some people I haven't seen for years. We went to a pub afterwards and they had laid on food. But it took me until about 8pm tonight to finally get warm !