Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

yes candy, its the connection, isnt it, its just feeling like you still have them a bit and its not all gone x

mummylin, I know you have boxes of stuff too, although I go through them sometimes, I hope you manage to go through yours one day x

Hi all. Umm I don't really know where to start, but hoping that I can vent here safely. My mum was killed in an accident at home 3 weeks ago. No one was with her she died alone, but fairly quickly. I am 32 with a 4 mo dd. I have a younger sister and my dad. No other family, we are really small.
My dad is usually so strong and together, the voice of reason, but he is so lost and sad that I am so worried about him.
My mum was so healthy and fit, she has gone so so early that I am finding it impossible to believe that she is no longer here.
I am freaking out about raising my little girl with no nan. My partner is fab and his parents are great but it just isn't the same. I also live 4 hours drive away from mum and dads house, not exactly around the corner.
I don't know what to do, say or feel...

Oh my goodness dennant what a terrible shock for you and your family. My condolences to you. I expect you are in a dreamlike place at the moment, veering from not believing it's happened, then going the other way when the grief overtakes you.
I'm sorry you have had to join our thread but you will find support here, we are all in the same boat one way or another.
Does your dad have people around him to help him ? As you are quite far from him it's difficult for you isn't it, but a phone call may help you both. It's good to see you have a supportive DP.
There is no right way to feel, everyone is different and deals with it in their own way. It is early days for you and I know from my own experience the shock can be horrendous.
Don't bottle your feelings up you will be ill. A good cry does help relieve some of the stress
Please post whenever you want to wether it be to rant or because you want support. We do chat about other things too but of course the main topic is how we are all coping etc. take care, and once again I am very sorry for your terrible loss.

Does your sister live with your dad ? Can they possibly come to you for a few days or you go to them ?

Dennant we are here for you. I am so sorry this has happened.

This is a terrible tragedy for you, your mum and your family.

The shock will take a while to assimilate. My dad was ill for a year so our shock was being told he had terminal cancer completely out of the blue. Others here will be able to identify with your particular circumstances more.

But i imagine you are alternating between shock, disbelief, numbness, helplessness and grief.

All I can say is just get through o e day at a time. It's very difficult when you have a baby as of course you still need to carry on the normal daily routine. Your dad has a very difficult process to go though, as do you.

The feelings you have will keep changing all the time. I am nearly three months in to losing my dad and I've no idea how I've got through but I have.

Xxx

Mummylin I have been staying with dad, as has my sister, since the day it happened. This is the first weekend he has been alone since it happened but he said he needed some space.
Sister lives 2 hours away, so closer than me but still not close by. He does have good friends near by though.
I am concerned as he keeps saying things that are very out of character such as if we hadn't been there he would have topped himself and the morning of the funeral when I offered to do anything he replied "just hang me". He has never ever responded in this way to anything and it's so unlike him.

Dennant that is such a worry for you.

Has he seen a GP, he may need assistance of some kind to help him through this.

He is communicating with you which is a good thing. You know how he is feeling, he is not bottling it up.

What does your sister think?

Sorry about the emoticon thing at the end, finger must have slipped on my phone.

Hi everyone. My lovely dad died today. He fell down the stairs suffered a catastrophic brain injury followed by a cardiac arrest. They resuscitated him but there was too much damage and he died later in hospital.
He was only 63. He retired a few years ago and was loving life. He was so busy. He walked the Camino this year. Did on line courses, volunteered as a tour guide in a local attraction board member on Birdwatch Ireland.
He was going to Waterloo next year for the 200th anniversary enactment. He had so many plans with my mother. They were going to get a camper van.
She is destroyed. How will we get through this?

Laymedown, I am so sorry you've lost your dad. I lost mine in September, he was 66.

One day at a time is the only answer I can give. Let the tears come, ride out each emotion, talk about it until you can make some kind of sense of it.

People will try to console you by saying he had a good and happy life and hold onto that because it sounds true by your description. You will probably feel it is very unfair and yes it is. Everyone here on this thread has felt what you are feeling.

One step at a time x

Hello laymedown I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. You too have had a terrible shock. I think the day you lose someone is one of the most awful days of your life personally. A few months down the line. You wonder how you ever coped at the time. I hope you have family who can support you especially in the coming days initially. I have to be honest. It's an absolute nightmare, you must feel like your heart will break, indeed when I lost my mum, which was also an unexpected death I actually had a real physical pain in my heart area. And another strange thing, my legs wouldn't work properly. All this I think was shock.
It does help to know that others are thinking of you in your time of need. And if we can help in anyway we certainly will. Please make sure you look after yourself. You must still eat and sleep. Take care, and believe that you will get through this terribly upsetting time.
dennant it sounds like your dad has lost his spirit for now . He has lost his life partner and must feel now that half of him is missing, which it is. You must be very concerned about him. And if it continues he may need a doctors help. You sound a very caring daughter and together you will cope.
Hi candy hope you also are coping ok you are a very supportive voice on this thread despite your own recent loss. I am sure it is much appreciated by others

I second mummylins post as above

for you all xx

Candycane25 no he hasn't seen the gp. He isn't sleeping hardly at all and won't even see them about that. Its like he feels guilty for having a decent sleep, or for not being in physical discomfort. I have suggested bereavement counselling but he is reluctant to investigate it.
With Christmas coming up I just don't know what to suggest.
Laymedown this is the worst isn't it? I just keep thinking, people get through stuff like this, so we can too. But the horror of what has happened to my mum and your dad is so raw right now, the fog seems too thick to see through.

Thank you everyone. I do have a good family around me. I have my two wonderful sisters and my husband. He is with our kids tonight. Myself and my sisters are staying with my mother.
Tomorrow I have to organise my Dad's funeral and tell my children they will never see their beloved grandad again. I don't want to go asleep because I can't beat the thought of waking up and remembering.
The hole is too big to fill. My heart is broken.

It is a heartbreaking event in our lives lay we somehow think that it's never going to happen in our family. That mums and dads are here forever. Then one day it does and we can't comprehend it at all. How is it possible that someone who was here yesterday is suddenly gone. It's just so difficult to accept and it does take a while, but for now just go hour by hour and do what you have to do to cope. You will find the strength from somewhere. You and your sisters will all help each other and of course your mum will need you all. I hope you will sleep tonight .

not getting any sleep is terrible, but its understandable when you've had an enormous shock

as mummylin says, just getting through the days is all you can aim for, try to be kind to yourself and your close family and dont be surprised when your emotions are all over the place and you are snapping at the kids and dh for no apparent reason...grief is such a small word for a massive thing and its something we dont understand until it hits us.

xx

Lay, I hope you managed to get some sleep.

I am so sorry you heart is broken. Mine is too. Please be very kind and gentle to yourself.

Love never dies and the love will stay in your heart forever.

Hello everyone you are right candy the love never dies and they will always be in our hearts and minds
I have been to the crem today, I took fresh flowers and a little Xmas tree for my mum and my sister, I also stuck in some Christmassy twigs and fir cones amongst the flowers it looked really nice and I hope the trees don't get taken.it seems so wrong for another Xmas to come round without my lovely mum.

That sounds lovely mummylin. I think I might take something to my dads grave this weekend.
A year ago today it was my DD christening. The photo of us all with my smiling dad popped up on my FB timehop feed.
He had just had his first chemo and actually collapsed in the church. He went to bed straight after the service. But at least he was still with us. Miss him so much.

Candy, your dad is in a way still here, you carry his genes so he can never be gone completely.
When I go to the crem I always say hello and when I leave I have to say goodbye, I only chat to her if dh isn't with me, I need to be alone for that

I'm really missing my mum this Christmas

I miss having any family other than dh and the kids

but I've realised I've always felt this way, since I was a teenager, I've never had aunts/uncles/grandparents/siblings at home..I was born late and they were all dead or gone by the time I could realise I had so much missing. I've always been lonely for this and mum dying seems to have brought it to a head.

I know I'm lucky to have dh and the dc's but even they feel distant, they all have the same hobby and much as I've tried I cant get any enthusiasm for it.

Maybe I should get a dog.

This is the worst time ssd this is when families should be together for you it's not just your mum. It's your siblings who have treated you despicably .
You mentioning your dh and ds,s hobby Our local team are in a big game here tomorrow against Liverpool , someone has made a very funny video which I was going to send to you last night as I think your dh would appreciate it ! Even I found it funny and I'm the same as you regarding that. I will send you the link for your dh!

Ssd I loved my dog. She was PTS earlier this year aged 15, her hip had completely gone, and she had dementia. I rehomed her from a pet charity and she brought me such fun and joy.

I think we do feel distant at times like this. I have a large family and I feel distant from them all sometimes. My DH is an only and he often says how glad he is that his life is so uncomplicated. But I understand it must be difficult for you at times.

the dc's and dh would love a dog, but they make me sneeze!

I'd love to have been an only, candycane, I think if you were you'd just accept thats how life is.

Hello all!
I haven't read the thread, so forgive me.
I'm sorry to see so many new posters. But it's a safe haven here.
Just wanted to pop on and wish all of you a peaceful Xmas and a happier new year.
Sm...my robin is on my tree :)
Things here are as stressful as ever :) but I am coping. Roll on Friday and end of term.
Second Xmas without dad. Hard to believe.
X