Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

SM look what's on my tree ! It reminds me of this thread, thankyou x

Aw looks very snug, mines on too! havent done much crafting this year not had the felt or time which is sad. never mind, few more things to wrap today. i feel weird about my present list being finished and mum not being on it. was ashamed of myself this morning walking round town seeing people rushing around for christmas i couldnt help thinking " why are you still here and my mum isnt" but then i felt awful as they are someones family too! its a strange feeling you wouldnt wish on anyone but you also wish it wasnt you if that makes sense. how are you all?

Hiya all.
I can't see your Robin but it sounds lovely.
Well, it's two and a half months and today I have random gone back to the disbelief and horror stage. Cue tears in a quiet room at work. Just can't believe he's gone, it seems impossible. But he is and then the horror kicks in. At his actual passing I had to be the calm one as my mum lost it a bit. So I think I suppressed my feelings in order to hold it together. And at the time I was relieved because his last few hours and days had been very painful for him.
And today I just had a flashback to that moment and I felt sick. Horrified.
Heartbroken.

candy totally know where you're coming from with the flashbacks to the moments leading up to the end and the moment itself. Dad too was in a lot of pain and I was actually praying for God to take him in the final hours as I didn't want it prolonged anymore for him. Obviously it was very mixed emotions, I didn't want him to go but I didn't want him to stay, not like that. He was in a terrible state. I remember saying to the hospice nurse I feel like hes being taken on a journey he doesnt want to go on and there's nothing he can do to stop it and she said yes and you're on that journey with him. I felt like screaming through my tears I don't want to be on this journey! The moment he went was very peaceful and surprisingly mum was the strongest of all of us. It was all just so surreal and I can't believe it happened. It's like he could just be at home now doing his crosswords or reading his paper, then I realise he's not. And now mum doesn't even live in that house anymore where they both should be together which is even stranger.

Sorry for the depressing post.

Pink it's not depressing. It's very sad but a relief to be able to talk to someone else who knows how you feel.

My dad had "hospice at home" where Macmillan arranged for carers and nurses to come to my dad at home.

This was what he wanted and it was great to have him at home but it meant that when the carers weren't there, which was most of the time as they came in four times a day for 20mins, my mum, myself and sister had to provide all the personal care. It was 24hr so my sis and I took turns to sleep over.

It was very very hard. I'm trying not to dwell on that time now.

I know what you mean about trying not to dwell on it. I've been thought blocking it a lot as its too hard to re run it in my mind too often. I've been through it all in depth and am at peace with the whys and wherefores of the situation but it doesn't make it any easier that we haven't got him now.

I just think of him in a better place doing all the things he loves like gardening, sitting in the sunshine admiring the work he's done in the garden, tinkering around with different tools and making things, playing a game of snooker and all the rest of it and looking down on us keeping up to date with all the goings on. He's not gone, he's just in another dimension doing all the things he enjoys and if I need him he'll be with me in spirit. That's what I believe anyway.

I feel so sad for you pink and candy it is such early days for you both and I remember the awful sickening feeling that the person we loved had gone from us. All sorts of emotions, anger that the hospital didn't save her then upset in case she was scared. All sorts of things.and although there is no right time to lies someone it somehow feels worse if possible because of the time of year. You try and pretend your happy for others. But on the inside your heart is breaking. I really feel for you both.

Lies = lose

Hello all.
Hugs and a hand squeeze to all who need it today.
Just had a text from hubby, FIL has to go for a bone marrow biopsy on the 17th with view to chemo in the new year. He had leukaemia 27yrs ago, it reoccurred about 12yrs ago and now it seems it's back.
He's very laid back about it (or pretends to be). We will get through it as a family, yet another challenge for us.

Sorry to hear that candy, what a worry for your dh, hope your FIL will be ok . The saying is correct, it never rains but it pours. What a good job there is family to support each other, I really don't know how people on their own cope

Oh no candy what a worry this must be for you all. I hope the bone marrow comes back all clear. What make them think its returned after all this time? Is it a rise in white blood cells on his blood tests? Obviously I know nothing about the history and the type of leukaemia but my dad had CLL which is common in people over a certain age and they told him he could live quite happily with it for 10 years before it would affect him. Then it would be low dose chemo if it did become a problem. They just monitored him every now and then to keep an eye on it but it never caused him a problem. It was the stomach cancer that was the main issue which was entirely different to the CLL.

Yes it's another worry Pink and Lin. I adore my FIL, I'm lucky to have a lovely one.
Yes Pink that sounds very similar. He has a blood test every four months and this time they said it's time to progress to treatment. We knew it would come, just not when.
My dad had bowel cancer which spread through his abdominal wall and then to his liver and lungs, it was the liver failing which caused the end for him. So I understand some of what you've been through Pink.

Pink its HCL not CLL but reading about both they seem quite similar.

This week so far, I got my Christmas card from my mum, signed just from her, the first in my life that doesn't say from mum and dad. I wasn't expecting how seeing that would upset me. But this thread has given me the perspective to be thankful that I am still getting cards from my mum.

Then today someone who I hadn't seen for a while asked me how my dad was. They didn't realised he had died in September. I matter of factly replied oh he died but it was surreal to hear myself say it.

I'd love a card from my mum

Me too ssd. It was my birthday 5 days before she died. It's incomprehensible to me that that is the last thing she'll ever send me.

Me too but I will put up an old card which we have had previously so I have a card that says " to my daughter " makes me feel better and I have done it each Xmas so far.

its true the old song "you dont know what you've got till its gone"

or rather you do know and you love them to death but that isnt enough to keep them

I thought of you all without your mum through my tears, so thank you for showing me the other side of grief.
Xxx

swings and roundabouts isnt it candy, whoever you may be missing someone is missing their own family member too it doesn't make it any less hard. im sorry that the card brought your feelings to the surface it is so very hard.

Whilst searching for my Xmas cards earlier, I found my mums handbag. Of course I opened it and found her glasses. All her membership and discount store cards and her mobile phone. All her cards are signed with her writing, I felt so sad but touched her phone as I know that mum has touched it. I felt so sad. I knew I had it but didn't know where I had put it. Oh and as usual lots of pens, my mum seemed to collect pens wherever she could ! I'm now on web sites looking for a new laminated card for mum and my sister. Don't know what website my dh finds them on but haven't found any I like so far. They are beautifully done , I know I have shown some of you before what they are like . Oh well on with my search .

Mummylin, so sorry you have this sadness. It's a strange thing, someone being gone and their belongings being left behind.

I'm the same as you mummylin, I have mums handbag with money still in her purse! Also her glasses and pen, even sweetie wrappers from her sweets. And the paper she was reading the day she died. Boxes and boxes of things. It took me nearly 2 years to throw out the box of washing powder I took from her house, as the smell reminded me of her kitchen.

just so much stuff!

would probably be crazy to some one who hasn't been through this

Ssd today I wore a pair of my dad's socks.
I also wear his watch, a copper bracelet that was his and his signet ring that I've had resized. I have three of his jumpers in my wardrobe which I wear in the house. My DH wears my dad's ties.
It makes me feel connected to him.

Ssd, I also have mums purse with money in it and boxes of her stuff which I was going to sort through, in all this time I haven't even opened one to go through anything ! And there is not any circumstance I will use the money from her purse. I know it sounds silly, but I just can't. It has to stay in her purse.i think I would feel as if I had stolen it from her !