Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

To candylilaand smugmum for all of you who have been so recently bereaved! I understand how heartbreaking your loss is in the early days. It's hard to imagine that the world just goes on the same as before people are doing shopping whilst inside for you three the world has changed for you. It makes you want to scream out " don't you know I have just lost someone how can you just carry on and shop "
The early weeks / months are so hard to get through but I promise you that eventually you will have longer gaps between your bouts of tears, but it takes time. One day you will even find yourself laughing, then you will feel guilty, but this is perfectly normal .
At the moment all you can all see is life stretching out in front of you without a person that you loved. But one day you will once again have some happy memories and think of all the good times you shared together. But you can't run until you learn to walk. It will take time for all of you. But you will all get there eventually.
I would hate to be back where you all are, I am 3 years along and still get my bad and tearful times, but most of the time now I can get through day by day. My siblings and I are always talking about our lovely mum, without dissolving into tears
Remember the price of love is grief.
Stay strong Reach out to others when you need / want to. You will all eventually be in a happier place than you are right now
Do look after yourselves. Make sure you eat regularly. Get enough sleep and don't pretend all is well when it's not. for you all

Oh, mummylin, that's how I feel right now. Disbelief that the world can go on without my dad in it. He was such a cheerful person, so helpful and full of life. It seems impossible that everything else carries on normally while my father, my darling father, is gone.

I do my best to remember the happy moments, especially for my children. There were so many great times we had together. But now we're here and he's not and it's so, so hard to bear.

lila it is very hard to comprehend what has happened. It's something we know will eventually come to us all, but when it happens it's like being hit over the head with a sledgehammer. Your dad lives on in you and his grandchildren. You all carry his Genes so can never entirely be gone.what you are going through is a normal reaction to grief.we all deal with it in our own way, but all want the same thing to be at peace and be able to carry on our lives eventually. Some people get support as T says from Cruse. Others prefer to just chat to family and friends. Get whatever suits you, there is no norm.

On yet another note, my brother has to go and have the same op on his head all over again. They have not taken enough from the cancer on his head and need to cut some more out . As you can imagine he is not happy at all as the hospital told him that they had a good clearance and he would have no more bother with it. I feel so sorry for him, especially as he hated it when they did it the first time. Now he knows what's coming .he has no apt yet but thinks it won't be till after Xmas

Mummylin my mum had a basal cell carcinoma removed from her face near her top lip the week after my dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer. It was really tough for her at the time because obviously all our stress levels were already very high, the procedure was uncomfortable and she had scarring. They did get it all first time, they took a lot of tissue and now, a year later it has healed so well you can't even tell.
My cousin has also just had it done on his nose and he hates the scarring but hopefully it will fade.
How tough for your brother. Fingers crossed for him.

am sorry to hear this about your brother Linn especially since you said he didn't like having it done last year I hope his appointment comes around quick.

candythe scar he has is near perfect. It's a very neat job. I'm wondering if they will open up the same scar ? It's on the side of his head near his forehead . What makes it worse for him is the fact he had hodgkins when he was young and went through an awful time with the treatment which involved lots of chemo. He hasn't forgotten that and this brings back horrid memories for him
Hi SM it was only about 4 weeks ago he had it done for the first time. And yes your right he hated it. How are you doing ?

mummylin, sorry to hear that your brother has to go through surgery again. I hope it all goes well and smoothly. Thank you for your lovely posts. I really appreciate them.

didn't even notice I'd written last year meant last time! head in the clouds . how is he ? I'm alright, just been out shopping with dad. you all ok?

just as i posted i got a phone call from school, ds sent home Ill with a bug so that's me in for the next few days

Oh dear, SM, I hope he feels better soon! How old is he?

Today was a comparatively good day for me, probably because I was so busy, there was hardly any time to think! Strangely enough, it was doing the laundry that made me cry. It's not that I hate doing the laundry that much, but the last time my dad was here, the washing machine had needed repairs and I'd been discussing it with him. Now I can't tell him that I got it sorted out.

it's strange stuff like that isn't it that sets you off, I'm sure he knows somehow. I'm glad you had an okay day. ds is seven and feeling really fed up being ill. was shopping today and the pogues was playing, played at mums funeral and every Christmas it's everywhere and I leave stores a mascara streaked mess

Evening all. I went to DS2's Christmas Fair. I didn't want to go but it's his last one so I forced myself.

I got hugged three times before I'd even got through the door. Soggy mess ensued so I left early.

The funeral date has been set but it's a bit later than we'd hoped, for various reasons. 17th. I'm dreading it and it'll be so hard just the week before Christmas.

I really fancy a glass of wine but I can't drink with the sleeping pills I'm on.

It's the everyday stuff which is hard, you automatically think of them to tell them stuff.
I had a rotten day at work and instead of just getting on with it I ended up having a little cry in a loo cubicle. I know it's because my stamina is at a low ebb, it doesn't take much to overwhelm me.
I was sobbing in the night thinking about how much pain my dad had to suffer in his last year. Just knowing his pain has aged me I think. Horrendous.

I think of that too candy. I can hear his voice in my head saying how sick he'd been in the night. Used to break my heart that while we were all tucked up in bed asleep he was suffering on his own in the middle of the night. He was a very brave and dignified man though and kept a smiley face and lots of interest in others. Even as he lay dying he managed to whisper in my ear to ask how Dh's job was going. That's the last thing he said to me.

I can imagine going to a fayre at this time as extremely difficult smug. It always sets me off when people hug me! The funeral has come at a very hard time of year. I do feel for you x

Just read your message smug. Please don't be afraid to say no to doing things. It's a natural instinct to carry on through the numbness, we don't know what else to do, and we don't like letting others down. I've done stuff I the last few weeks that I would have rather not but felt others needed me, I wish I had the resolve to say no! I've told my mum I'm not going to mass until next year at the earliest because I find it too emotional and I need time for myself.
Yes, it is an especially tough time for a funeral, and when it comes to the 17th you will be in my thoughts. You will get through it.

My dad was also amazingly brave and courageous and fought the pain so hard. At the end he was screaming in agony, he didn't know he was doing it. Agonising for us as well to be at his side and unable to help him and desperate not to cause any more pain by touching him the wrong way. He had Macmillan nurses but the morphine was not touching the pain. It's hard to live with that.
But on we go,

candykane, Little Pink, I'm so, so sorry to hear of the pain your dads went through and the mental pain that you went through on their behalf. I really have no words to express how I feel. In my case, I think I'll always regret that my dad was alone when he had his stroke and there was no one around for his last few conscious minutes.

I spoke too soon when I said that yesterday was a good day. At night, a friend forwarded me an interview with my dad that had been published posthumously in a technical journal. The first page had his dear face smiling out at me. The crying started again and I still haven't been able to read through the interview.

smugmum, just do as much as you're able to cope with. People around you will understand. Waiting so long for the funeral must be hard in itself. Will be thinking of you on the 17th.

SM, I hope your DS is feeling better today. My DD is seven too, and having to be stuck at home when she's ill drives her mad!

eldest had her MRI and she has to have physio she has bruised tendons and muscles, he doesnt think its too serious thank god.
she has to have a filling next week, its been crazy!!

SM hope your DS is feeling better today, I have a 10 year old and a 14 year old.
14 year old is certainly a bit of work at the moment, diva and back chatting..but hey ho teens eh!

Ah watching strictly when they were doing the waltz together the song last dance with you... i got choked up as i remember my mum and dad played this song a lot, still things even after 2 years can still rock you.
Thinking of you all, holding out a hand for those who need it, you are not on your own. xx

Glad your dd is ok T and sorry your ds is poorly SM hope they both recover quickly.
Well it's getting nearer now and Im beginning to think back to previous years when my mum was still here, I'm sure many of you are doing the same.
Hope everyone is coping as well as possible. For candy lila and pink It is a horrible time for you all, the firsts of everything are the worst times that you could have, the sense that someone is missing, but you will get through it Despite your sadness.

As people on here know from over the years I have gone down a more spiritual route and a although miss my mum my best friend like crazy physically i do like to think of her still around us and supporting me and holding my hand when i need and do believe she does. I can never believe of my mum gone for ever, i talk to her, but my god i miss her too to hug and to chat too.
i feel when my mum is around too but i am in tune with the spritual side of me. I also know and respect that others do not believe and i totally resepct that.
just to let anyone know i went to a psychic again yesterday and was blown away by what i was told, only my mum would have known these things.
i wont put them on here or talk about that visit but PM me if you want to talk with me about it i wont put on the thread.

Hope your all going along the best you can murky old day here today!! Anyone got snow?? I want snow!!! Lol!

xx

dp wanted snow but no such luck its just raining and really cold. the house my sister used to live in was emptied today and she went to pick up all of the stuff. big box of mums tree decorations from when we were children including the angel we always had on the tree. some days just suck dont they. on the plus side ive not wanted to sit and think so my house is really tidy...

Oh SM I would love a tidy house! DD determined to leave a trail of destruction wherever she goes!
T, I understand your spiritual feelings. I don't question things too much, I just feel that my dad is still a part of my life.
I'm still very exciting about Christmas and I'm enjoying December so far. I think because people make an extra special effort to meet up and do something nice, this has meant I've had a lovely weekend catching up with friends, eating nice food and having fun. My dad was very sociable and liked to go out and laugh with friends so I feel I am honouring him by doing the same.

My house is far from tidy as all the decs have come out of the roof today, tree is up ( and my robin is on it SM ) and there are boxes all over the place and bits of stuff all over the carpets, will tidy it up tomorrow. Al my fibre optics are in place and it looks very cosy apart from bloody boxes !! Hope you have all had a good weekend.

Evening everyone. I went to see my dad today and my brother is with him now as he has two weeks in the UK. It was OK, on the whole, but still surreal being in my mum's house full of her stuff.

I just had a wobble watching the Call the Midwife Christmas special trailer. I thought that mum will be so pissed off that she'll miss it plus the Downton Christmas special. We had a conversation with one of her sisters just a few short weeks ago speculating on what would happen next.

It's all just so unfair. She was a young 65, wasn't ill and had so many things in the pipeline. She was involved in so many clubs and groups, there were all kinds of Christmas parties in the next few weeks. Her calendar was full for December.

It's just not fair. I keep seeing her face in my mind's eye, so happy and smiling. It's all shit. It's a week today since she died and it hasn't sunk in at all.

Thank God for some really lovely friends.

Hello smug you had exactly the same thing as I did when my mum died she was so pleased that there was a television in her ward and that she would be able to see Downton Abbey the next evening. Sadly she died in the morning and it upsets me every time I see it advertised.
I'm glad your dad has some company it must be a bit of relief that he isn't on his own.
I'm sure this has been a very strange week for you, a mixture of grief, disbelief and shock . It makes you wonder how we all carry on dosent it. We still cook, do washing etc.
look after yourself and remember to eat properly, it's important.

Smug my heart goes out to you. I've said all the things you are saying. My dad had just turned 65 and just retired, had a new grandchild (my DD) and lots of exciting things planned and then he got a stomach ache. Within a month we were told he had cancer. He lived for another 12 months in horrendous pain, undergoing chemo and various procedures, had MRSA, Cdiff, and sepsis before his body finally gave up. Before the stomach ache he seemed fit as a fiddle.
He had so much to live for. Yes, it's shit.
What will carry you through is that happy smiling face in your minds eye. In time you will focus on everything she did get to do. But it's a process not to be rushed. One day at a time.
Xxx