Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

What a lovely message to have. It sounds like you brought him a lot of joy.

That's lovely that you have these texts and whatsapps to look back on. Don't think my dad had ever heard of whatsapp! The closest I got to anything written was a card I made him write to DD a few months before he died. I knew the time was coming soon so I asked him to write her a card and instead my mum wrote it and sent it. That's great that mum wrote in it and DD will have that to look at in the future but the point was I wanted dad to write something as I knew we didn't have long left with him so next time I went there I took the card with me, physically gave him the pen and made him write something! Felt really bad because after he died my sister said her main regret was not getting him to write her boys a card that they could keep. I was cringing inside and thinking oh god do I tell her that I made dad do one for DD or keep it quiet. I agonised about it and decided to come clean. She didn't look best pleased. But then her youngest has his watch and goes to bed cuddling it and her eldest has his silver pendant necklace that he was wearing when he died so at least we all have something. I took his glasses and sometimes get them out and hold them. Ive even put them on to see what he could see. I couldn't see anything, just got a headache instead!

Thank you CandyKane, that was very kind of you! My dad and my children absolutely adored each other and they brought each other a lot of joy. They miss him a great deal now.

LittlePink, a handwritten card is a lovely, personal thing to cherish. Now I'm wishing I had something my dad had written!

Having a bit of a particular low patch these last couple of days. Tears never far away. My dad was such a strong and comforting presence. Even everyday things like telling me how much the banker was offering on Deal or No Deal, he got enthusiastic and excited about. I enjoyed his company so much. I miss him so much. It's very hard.

Sadly candy coming up to Christmas it's one of the worst possible times. Especially the first one. All I can say really is don't bottle up your feelings, if you feel like crying, then cry.you have to have some sort of release or you will end up ill, and I speak from experience of when my sister died.i was ill ten months later as I tried to be brave in front of my mum and siblings. But it all catches up eventually.but when my mum died I cried just like you and sometimes it was as if I would never stop, but it does help all the tension and stress.

Hugs to you candykane. I'm feeling the same. Your dad sounds lovely. I'm trying to tell myself that I was lucky to have an amazing dad for as long as I did, but it's not really working

Lin I am brave for my mum but cry at home. A lot!
Lil, I tell myself the same. The price for having a brilliant dad is the grief after they go. I remind myself some people never got a dad, or got a rubbish one so I am very lucky. What helps me when I am really hurting is to think of the exams he set me which help me to parent my own daughter.

Example!!! Not exams. He didn't set me exams!!!

That made me giggle candy

Autocorrect can be bizarre! I was messaging my mum about some papers of my dad's, and the phone turned it into "peppers" without my noticing. He was also an enthusiastic gardener with a thriving vegetable patch, so for a while I had my mum wondering why she had to go look through the peppers!

Every other ad on TV here these days seems to have a happy family with a father or a grandfather. It makes me feel so empty and so angry at the same time. He should have been here right now, laughing and playing with my children. Now all we can do is talk about him so that they'll remember.

My children are also having a hard time. My seven year old daughter, bless her, wrote me a note yesterday telling me not to feel so sad, he is safe and happy in his new home now.

Aw that's so caring of your daughter.
Yes I got that anger. When I saw men older than my dad, why are they alive and not him?
It's just sad Lil. And it's very hard. Hold your family close, they will help you get through x
PS laughed at the peppers x

Morning.I wonder if I can join you? My mum died very suddenly last Sunday. She was away for the weekend with her sisters and collapsed. It's all so surreal.

Oh no, smugmum, I'm so sorry about your mum. Please do join us. I've been posting in this section since my dad died suddenly three weeks ago. It's been comforting to be around others who understand. I know how much of a shock it must be to you. Please look after yourself.

candykane, how are you doing today?

mummylin, what's happening with the new tv?

Smugmum I am so sorry this has happened. It is two traumas, the loss and the shock. You will have a busy couple of weeks so come here anytime and we will support you. And then from there on we are all always here x

Lil I am a bit better. Had a little cry this morning when I got up. Thank you for asking after me.

Hello smugmum sorry you have had to join us. Hopefully this thread will be able to give you the support you need. I know what a terrible shock you must of had I lost my mum unexpectedly too. The shock is enormous and very hard to come to terms with. I expect you can't believe it's real and are in a bit of a fog right now . The early days are truly awful.over to the shock will go a bit but it does take quite a while. But rest assured that one day. However long it takes you will start to accept it and feel happier than you do right at this moment.
lila new tele up and running in lounge ! I'm surprised it fits but I was proved wrong ! The one from lounge now going in conservatory so the one we already have in conservatory will have no home ! It looks quite good actually so all is well on the tele front

Hi smugmum im really sorry about your mum. Its such an intensely difficult time in the immediate aftermath. mummylin is right, you are in a fog when it first happens. I remember going for a walk in the woods with DH and DD about 2 days after Dad died and feeling totally bereft, shocked and in disbelief over what had just happened. I felt totally lost and a sense of "well what am i going to do now?" and oh it was just horrible so I know how you must be feeling right now. For me, I miss Dad every single day but the feelings aren't as acute as what they were the first couple of months. I walk around doing all the normal things that I usually do with it there in the back of mind but almost like a numbness, like nothing has happened. Then at some point it will all come flooding to the surface. Something will set it off. Someone who looks like him in the supermarket, a certain smell, a symbol, whatever it may be. I don't suppose that will ever go away but the surge of strong emotions make me remember again what a special and lovely man he was and how much I miss him. Its all a totally natural response to grief. I hope you have support in RL but its nice that this thread is here to write down some of your feelings when you feel you cant verbalise them to anyone.

Candy I hope you're feeling better. A good cry can help sometimes just to offload the stress of it all that builds up. Its funny, you think you're doing alright then something happens and it opens the floodgates again.

Well I succumbed to black Friday. I didn't go to argos and elbow everyone out of the way and fall on my face scrambling to the front of the queue but sent DH instead to get me a coffee machine. I must admit the costa coffee is nowhere near as nice as the real thing in costa itself and the hot chocolate only gives you half a cup! Whats going on there! When I need a chocolate fix I need more than half a cup!

Thank you all. I've been at her house today with my dad. It was horrendous.

She died on Sunday whilst away for the weekend with three of her sisters. Her body is still down south. She was only 65 so really young. My brother lives abroad so isn't back till the weekend. The only small comfort is that she was with her sisters when it happened and that she didn't know what was happening.

I am in a fog and will be for quite some time. It's hard for my boys who are sad but are struggling with seeing me so upset. DS1 (12) asked me if I'll be happy again by Christmas!

Thank you for this space.

Today was impossibly hard. Their house is full of her, all her knick knacks, Christmassy bits, including two Christmas cakes and the marzipan and icing.

My dad is struggling. He's been very business like and phoned practically everyone on the planet but couldn't open her handbag to look for a prayer she had on a bit of paper.

I'll dip in and out. My thoughts go out to all of you.xx

Hi all

smugmum im so sorry for your loss, it is horrendous isnt it we are here for you to rant, talk share what ever you need. Surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with and take help when its offered.
My mum was also 65 we had just had her birthday the september before, she passed away in April (easter)
it is very hard to see our dads go through this isnt it my dad also got on with everything we offered but he was standing firm he will do it.
really do know how your feeling and will be thinking of you and sending you support and hugs xx

lila OMG i could have wrote what you said I lost my mum in the same way as you said, my mum had a massive stroke and was in a come for 6 days after, it was a killer, like a living nightmare, literally said good night to her 10,30 then got a call at 5:30 from my dad saying he couldnt wake my mum up and she was making the most horrendous noise
do know what you are going through. This group has been a huge support for me and i hope it will be for you. ((hugs)) xx

candy, little pink biscuits, lin, ssd badvoc (how are you?? ) Shabbs, mouse, galaxy Sm how are you?

my poor daughter has to have an MRI on her knee, they think she has pulled tendons on the back of her knee she is in so much pain bless her.

Thinking of you all, i wish i could be here more but its very hard at the moment with appointments for my daughter for her knee. I will try and keep up better!!

xx

The post-mortem has been done already and it was hypertension caused by high blood pressure. She was taking statins but it's just such a shock.

The thing is, (this will out me to anyone who knows me) she's now the third of her siblings to die young. One aunty died two years ago at 55 - found dead in her bed. Another died a few months ago at 65 - found dead in her armchair. My mum was well and happy and had enjoyed a day out. Back at the hotel, felt a bit cold, went to have a shower and bang. Dead.

It's all too much to bear.

I am feeling very lucky though as friends and colleagues are being so supportive.

oh smugmumofboys im so very sorry, my god i really know what your going through with your mum it all just doesn't make sense and it doesn't for bloody ages, im into 2 years now but i still feel it hard at times but the gaps have got a little larger but i remember going though the wtf, feeling like i was child again and i needed my mummy still do at times but you go through all the different stages. Kills one minute they are there then the next they are gone, it was a huge void in my life still is at times. i actually got very panicky and really struggled and went to CRUSE for 3 sessions which helped me a lot.
just to let you know you have us here but there is a 24 HOUR HELPLINE FOR CRUSE and I also phoned this which helped me a lot and really hard times.
Thinking of you take each minute day slowly. xx

smugmum, I'm so sorry again. I stayed with my mum for some days after my dad died and every little thing in the house reminded me of him. What kept me going in the first few days was making lists of things that needed to be done. I was too dazed and shocked to remember things otherwise. Please remember to eat at regular intervals and try to get some rest. I didn't, and I was ill for some days after I got home. Reality will take a while to kick in. I don't think I'm there yet!

t875, thank you. Being able to post here is a comfort. I have lovely RL friends, a couple of whom have gone through the same thing. It has shaken up a lot of my friends though, they all have parents about the same age and this has suddenly brought home to them how fragile life is. My dad was in the best of health and looked after himself. Many of my friends had met him and he was a very warm person who got on with everyone.
Best wishes to your daughter. I hope the MRI clears things.

Hugs to everyone posting here. I read about the stages of grief, but I seem to go through all of them in a day and start again the next morning! My dad was really good at DIY and could fix anything. From the time I was small, I'd sit with him and try to help him. I can't believe we'll never be doing that again

The never doing things again bit is what I'm struggling with lila. No more baking with my boys or sitting on my sofa doing the crossword with DH.

Smugmum yes the never doing it again is very hard. I miss many many day to day stuff about my dad.
When I feel like this I try to remind myself how lucky I am that my dad was such a strong fixture in my life that I have those memories. But it still kills. It does sound like your mum got a lot of enjoyment from spending time with you, which is lovely thing to have and know. It's sometimes hard to console yourself with these thoughts because you just want them to be there, I know this only too well.
To all of you, every message here s a privilege to read.