Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

it is a huge thing to process that we won't see them again and I still two years on think god mum would love that and have to catch myself. it will take some time, glad you have got some support but like you I don't like to speak to people much so I talk here I hope you feel able to too.
hope your enjoying your new tv Linn your husband sounds like me I'd go out and buy a bigger tv if dp saw the need to. haha I opened the cupboard to put a gift in the other day when dp was in bed and he was like wtf! what is all this stuff.

luckily he loves my bargain hunting.

two years ago today I said my final goodbyes to mum, that seems such a long time. I said to dp yesterday can you imagine not seeing your mum for two years and he just said no, no I can't. he looked so sad that he couldn't make me feel better. walking away from that grave after the coffin was lowered has got to be one of the hardest things I will ever do in my life.
how is everyone today? all getting ready for Christmas or not started yet?.

Hi Sm.
Lins husband is making me smile, my dad was a total gadget man and shopaholic, the last thing he bought was yet another huge telly. He even once bought one, dropped it in the car park and took it back to the shop saying it was broken. Such was him charm, they gave him another!
Christmas shopping all done, turkey bought, tree up, now just a mountain of wrapping and cards to write.

He is at the shops right now. Oh my god !

He is back and thankfully no more tele,s ! He did go to topman and get the boots that gs wants for Christmas but that's a good thing cause it means he has paid !
He can't fix his tele up because he needs a special lead which he can't find so at the moment it's on the floor in conservatory until he finds / gets the leads. It looks huge to me. He says it's so I can see the wild animal programmes better, nothing to do with football of course
SM sorry you are having sad memories today. There seem to be so many days that remind us all of our loss arent there. But we will all learn eventually to cope with them all, but it's still so painful and sad.
Thinking of everyone who is going to miss someone dear to them at Christmas time

lilamani its so hard in those first few weeks as its all so new and so raw. I found I was up and down and walked around in a haze of numbness like none of it had really happened but it would be times when I wanted to tell him something that it would hit home and become the reality of the situation. Even now, just silly things like the guttering needs doing, he would have been really interested in that! He'd be asking have you got some good quotes? And would tell a story of when he that problem. I miss all these things.

Sm I wrote up thread about the nightmare of saying goodbye at the funeral. In dads case he was in the crem and not buried but its the same thing- leaving them there and coming away without them. Truly awful and devastating. Ive never felt a feeling like it in my life.

On a lighter note, im all ready for xmas, presents all wrapped just incase the baby makes an earlier appearance so DH wont panic about not having anything to give anyone and it just takes the stress off it all to have it ready and waiting.

I think some people should be ashamed of themselves yesterday and behaving in such an uncivilised way to get the sales. I was watching it on the news dumbfounded at their behaviour. All grabbing and fighting and falling over on the floor. Really bad and complete madness.

I completely agree with you "littlepink" there was none of that where dh went because they only let ten in at a time, but further down the road at tesco there was mayhem apparently. I could not be bothered my self, and being so small I would probably be pushed over and squashed ! The scenes on the news were awful, why did the shops just let everyone in at the same time. Hard to believe that was adults behaving like that.
I never go to the normal sales as I don't like queuing and being jostled about and as for getting up to go to any next sale in the early hours ! The one exception I have made is to go to the boots sale in Jan, but dh came with me or I wouldn't of got anything !

All the talk about TVs is making me smile, because my father loved to keep up with technology too. Just the last time he visited, he had persuaded us to buy a new TV. My husband and I tend to stick to tried and tested gadgets till they fall apart! My father preferred to stay up to date

Is it weird to feel guilty about feeling sad? In my case, I know my mother and sister are having a harder time. They both have to come home to empty houses in the evening, while I have a husband and two children and my evenings are anything but quiet. I stay in touch as much as I can every evening, but I feel guilty that compared to them, I have more to keep me from remembering what happened. The nights are bad for me, and I feel horrible to know that they spend more time feeling like that. I know it sounds confused - I feel confused!

Lilamani your grief is your own and of course you are sad. Guilt is a part of grief I have found. I felt guilty just for being alive when my dad was not.
Your mum has a huge adjustment to make, just as much e does but she's probably very grateful you are not alone and worries about you less. And she gets joy from your family I am sure. As for your sister, I hope she also has good real life friends as well.
It can be hard to grieve when you have a family to look after, so please don't forget to go easy on yourself.

Just watching strictly after a busy busy day!

Re the Black Friday madness, I have seen the other side of humanity today. In tesco there was a lady running a stall for donations to a food bank and she told me they have had loads, one person bought a whole trolley full of food for them.

That's lovely about people donating food "Candy" there are some lovely people in the world. The trouble we tend to hear of the worst ones.
"lila" I am much the same as you! I dislike any change at all! but dh says you have to progress ! ( but there is nothing wrong with our own tele ) !

I am dwelling tonight, cant seem to shake it off. the night of mums funeral I ended up in hospital miles away after I got transferred by ambulance. spent the night sobbing in a cubicle on my own not allowed even a drink because I was having surgery as soon as possible. seems a whole world away now

Oh dear sm, that sounds very hard, I don't know how you got through that but you did.
If you are dwelling the maybe you need to as part of the everlong healing process. X

It's understandable SM. It was a very important day in your life, so I think it's a natural thing to process it in your mind all over again. Sadly it brings back all the awful memories too. Strangely I have no idea of the date of my mums funeral. I think I just went through the preceding days in shock and couldn't take anything in. In a way it's a good thing for me really or I would be like you. Yet I can remember every bit of the funeral. It's all very odd. Don't remember the date we buried her ashes either. But the actual event is etched in my mind.
It's ok for you to feel sad, you don't have to be brave all the time

thanks, I like to consider myself pretty tough but I suppose the danger of that is everyone assumes you are okay. it is strange isn't it how well we remember things but others we can't recall at all. how's the tv going linn is it up yet?.

Nope it's still on the floor in conservatory ! But he was at footi this aft and is now at the pub with my brother and couple of friends. So not a lot of time . He did plug it in the lounge on the floor just to see what it looked like. The first thing that was on the screen was the most awful snake ( they terrify me ) and of course it was even bigger than I normally see. Think it's his plan to scare the life out of me

haha so it made a dramatic first performance then .

Yes it was horrible and the bloke on the tel was going on a bout what a lovely specimen it was ! I didn't think so.

cant say I'd be thrilled. I watched identity thief last night and there's a part where a snake bites someone it's so obviously fake but I had to hide my face made my skin crawl

Oh they are just awful' I hate their tongues, hate the way they slither and hate those beady eyes ! Argh !

I was ok at my mum's funeral and when we scattered her ashes (the very next day as siblings had to get away) it was all very surreal as I was surrounded by people, family, that I hadn't seen in ages and sister was giving away things of mums that she had no idea I'd bought. But lately I've been thinking about how I felt when they all went home, literally mums funeral was one day then the next we scattered her ashes then straight after that they all went home, back to their busy lives. Anyway that night I was waiting for ds to finish at a club, I was parked in the carpark at about 9pm waiting for him, it was cold and dark and scary. I was in a complete panic that I'd left mum outside with no one to look after her. I'd looked after her for years and she was a bit like one of my kids, but a lot older! I was terrified she'd be scared and cold and alone, it was awful. I wanted to go to where we'd scattered her ashes to get her and take her home. It was just awful. I was totally panicked, I couldn't believe I'd left her outside in the countryside miles away from me and her home.

I never told anyone this, it just all felt so completely wrong, like leaving your parm outside the shops and going home forever.

Yes ssd I know that feeling. X
And yes, the whirlwind of a funeral is surreal. I feel like I am in the calm after the storm now.

Thanks candykane that's given me a new perspective on how I'm feeling. I was stopping myself from grieving earlier, thinking I had less right to be sad. I realise now that I was being irrational.

I barely remember the funeral at all. I just recall staring at my father's face in his coffin, trying to process the fact that I would never see him again. And then the horrible moment when the coffin was lowered into the grave. Everything else is a blur and seems so long ago, even though it was just three weeks yesterday.

The doctors were amazed that my father survived for four days after his stroke. I'm so glad he did, because I was able to get to my hometown and see him, even though he was unconscious in hospital. I wonder if at some level he was aware of what was going on and waited to leave until the rest of us were there to support each other.

My sister has a lovely gang of friends who have been very helpful and supportive. My mother is having a hard time but is being incredibly brave.

Mummylin, is the new TV up by now? I always thought Black Friday was a purely North American tradition. I never realised that the UK had it too!

No lila it's not. He is watching it in the conservatory at the moment and it's on the floor. I have to clear a space to see if it will fit in lounge ! We were talking to people who work in Asda and apparently they also had " green Saturday " with exactly the same stuff they had on Friday. I've never heard of that before. I have to say from what I have seen whilst popping in to the other room it's a very good picture. But I have been busy wrapping Xmas presents tonight and only just finished so haven't seen it for many minutes ! We will see.

Whilst going through my bag of Xmas paper ect I found another bag and it's lots of my mums tree decs !!! It's a bag of treasure . I knew I had some because I used them last year but had no idea there were more in a bag. I'm going to let my brother pick some. One in particular will treasure them.

I have been wrapping too mummylin but nowhere near finished unfortunately.
My friend who lost her dad this year too has just had her iPhone stolen from her handbag, losing all her texts from her dad. I have just spent the last hour copying and pasting his texts to my email do at least I can recover some of them. The photos are all backed up in a cloud thingy but my dad was a great texter. Reading them all have made me cry and smile as well . Sad to see the decline, from long texts to one word answers but nice to see the funny ones from earlier on.

Oh, I'm so glad you mentioned backing up texts, that pushed me to go and copy all my dad's texts to email too. We used to use WhatsApp to keep in touch, since it was easier to send photographs that way. Less than two days before his stroke, I'd sent him a picture of my husband and children at the beach and he'd replied, saying we were a good, happy family. That's the last I ever heard from him. Made me cry again, to see that message.