Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

Hi all,
My mum wanted me and sister to go to mass yesterday as they sent her a letter saying they were reading out all the names of those who had funerals there in the last year.
Hearing my dads name broke us all. None of us cried at the actual funeral but we sobbed and sobbed yesterday.
But we have had a lovely day today at the christmas markets.
So much wrapping to do! It is never ending!

Hi Candy, I can imagine that was very upsetting, but on the other hand it was nice that your dear dad was mentioned. I expect it felt like a knife to the heart for you and your mum. Things will get a bit better eventually.

candy my mum went to a memorial service at the church recently and dads name was called first so she went up to the front to light a candle. They played 2 hymns from their wedding which she wasn't expecting which really upset her and she was on the phone to me afterwards crying her eyes out. A lot of their friends have passed away this year and their names were read out too and it brought it home to her just how much loss there's been this year in their friendship group. She said it was a very difficult service.

Mum is moving out today. She put the house on the market 6 weeks after he died. The removals men are there packing up right now. I thought I would give one last call to their landline number that's so familiar to me and found it had been cut off. It really hurt. I hadn't considered how that would make me feel- it just seems so final. Even though he's not there when I call anymore I feel like he is so to not have that line to call is another blow. Just makes it all seem so real. I can't believe I won't go to their house anymore and somebody else will be living there instead. It's a sad day but it's what mum wants which is the main thing as she needs a future that she can look forwards to rather than staying somewhere that makes her feel too sad.

Hi little pink. How tough. I will have to cross that bridge too at some point as my mum will probably move too. My dads voice is still on the answer machine. I caught it by accident and it broke me up.
I attended last years memorial mass with my dad because his friend, my godfather, had just died suddenly. My dad was very upset during that mass because he knew he was ill too.
He didn't go back to church again except for my daughters baptism, because he was too ill and too sad to do it. To stand in mass on Sunday without him this year just broke my heart. My mum was inconsolable.
Yes, your parent passing affects everything, the familiar things like ringing their number, everything changes in ways you could never think of beforehand.
My dad and I were very similar and without him I feel very solitary in my family, standing alone without my comrade.
Thank you for sharing your experience little pink x

Thanks candy. Its helpful to read your experience too. I cant imagine dads voice still on the answer machine, that would just be really hard. I have a video of dad when he was very ill towards the end at his birthday party which I watch when I feel I want to. He says a really funny joke in the background which no one acknowledged or heard in all the noise of the kids running around. He repeats it looking to see if anyone heard him and it just falls away to nothing. I didn't hear it at the time but heard it on the video after he died. Bit gutting it went unheard but it makes me smile when I watch it again.

Went to the shops this morning with DD. I got her some dolls nappies to put on her dolly but she wouldn't give them to me to let me pay for them at the till so after a challenging moment I said ok fine, we'll take them back then which ensued in a full blown tantrum. Got in the car and I just burst into tears. She said "mummy why are you crying?" so I said I miss granddad. She said "don't be sad. Grandad is in heaven. He loved you. I'll make you feel better". Shes only 2.5 yrs old! Then we followed a hearse most of the way home. I was thinking why? Why now? And she said "mummy that car has got flowers on its head". Toddlers are such hard work but they say such funny things that cheer you up!

Little pink and Candy. The phone thing rings a bell with me. I have had a new mobile since mum died but I put her number back in. Still with her photo and still with her personal ring tone. I can't bear not to have her on my phone even though I know it will now never ring again. I think the first Christmas without her I sent a text to her phone as well. Stupid I know but I had to do it. I actually have mums mobile here and one day I will turn it on and see if there are any messages she had sent to me in her archive. , I will then send them to myself. It's all so very sad isn't it

Yes I have my dad in my phone contacts and his last text messages. I actually realised the end was near when he just stopped replying to my texts, he wasn't well enough to do it.
He still has his Facebook page too.
My mum wants me to send a Mum and Dad card at christmas, she is upset at people addressing cards just to her. I am happy to do it.
My DD 15mo blows kisses to Grandad in the Sky. I hate that he's not seeing her at Christmas time. Not quite at the tantrum stage yet, what joy awaits us!

Candy I have put the same card up since mum died. It's a " to my daughter and son in law one " it makes me feel better that I have a card from mum still.

I struggle getting cards from mum signed just mum and no dad. It's so weird to see just her name there on its own. I don't have the issue of texts and Facebook because dad was a complete technophobe. He didn't even know how to turn a computer on and probably had no idea what a text was! But I can imagine finding it very difficult to see old texts etc.

Just came across some pics of him holding dd on his knee when she was about 8 months old. Think I might print them out and put them in the already overflowing special keepsake box she's got for when she's older!

hey all how are you?

had one of those days today was out with my nan and someone asked how she had been. she told them it's two years since she lost her daughter then pointed me out and said Mario'smum had cancer. this woman looked at me with such pity I felt so uncomfortable. nan said she hates this time of year, it makes me sad because mum loved this time of year the most.

Hi guys

I really am sorry i dont get here much at the moment, have a lot going on here my eldest is struggling a bit and also she has been in pain with her leg (knee) and she has to have an MRI.

and even after 2 years i am feeling a big void my mum isn't here with us and i hate it. Yes i have my faith of talking to her and believing she is around me, but its just not the same when we are talking about Christmas. I honestly cant think about it it really is hard at the moment.
still learning what friends are worth it and what aren't, but hey hopefully by the end of 2014 i will have only a decent cup ful of friends that are friends and not out for themselves.

I am thinking of you all on the thread and hope you are going along the best you can. Its very hard times.

And mummylin your idea you shared last year about the card i put up a card saying from my mum and dad and it helps me.

xx

Hi all,

T, sorry you are feeling the void. My friend who is also bereaved and I both agree that grief gets harder in some ways as time goes on because it's longer since you've seen them. I am dreading new year because then I will have to start saying my dad died last year. I hate the distance of time.
And yes, having lost the friendship of my best friend due to the woeful inadequacy of her response to my dads death (IMO anyway!) it's hard isn't it. I do miss her sometimes as we were friends for 30 years but I can't get past how badly she let me down. People just don't understand. She won't get it until it happens to her (hopefully not for a long time) and then she might see how unsupportive she was.
I've got to say, listening to those of you who have lost your mums, it does make me appreciate the fact that I've got to cherish mine while I still have her x

Candy, like you I dreaded the first new year without my mum. I could not even go to my ds,s new year party, dh went and I stayed home. Sobbed and spoke to some people on this thread. I could not cope at all for that very first time. It's tough but something we all have to get through.
I understand completely how suddenly you see the people you think would support you during this awful time, don't, and it hurts.
I have documented on here several times why I don't speak to my neighbour anymore and it's for the same reason you feel you have lost a good friend.
It certainly sorts out your real friends etc.
T lovely to see you sorry you are finding it a bit tough at the moment. Glad the card helps you in some way.
Thinking of you all as we get nearer to one of the worst times of the year without our loved ones. ssd SM and everyone else on this thread who is finding it so hard at the moment. for you all

Its hard when friends don't support you like you thought they would. In the run up to dads birthday I was really struggling and text my friend and she didn't even reply until over a week later when she made some reference to my text but didn't address how I was feeling at all so I knew she got the text. I was really surprised she hadn't responded with some message of support at the time. I haven't fallen out with her over it, just made a mental note that perhaps shes not the port of call in times of need.

Xmas will be hard for us all. Last xmas was the worst ive ever had. Dad was so ill and things were so crazy that DD didn't get her presents until boxing day which made me feel even worse. My sister and I had a big falling out on xmas day and weren't speaking when we went to see dad and it was all just unpleasant and horrible. We made it up at dads house privately in the back room but it was still just rubbish for us all. I couldn't even bear to be there this year so im glad ive got a get out claus being 38 weeks pregnant when xmas comes so I can stay at home. Probably irrational but got such bad memories of last xmas that I need a break this year.

Oh little pink, that does sound like a hard christmas. And you are pregnant too, that is tough. This year at Halloween, which was hard for us as it was halloween last year that my dad was diagnosed with cancer, I was determined to make it really fun to wipe out that bad association. I hope you will have a lovely and peaceful
Christmas looking forward to your impending arrival. We have a thread baby to look forward to now, very excited for you. X

Hello,

May I hang out here for a bit? I lost my father just over two weeks ago, it's the middle of the night where I am and I'm missing him so, so badly

course you can hang out here, would you like to tell us a bit about him?

Hi everyone

All i can say at the time of feeling let down by them friends and one of my mates over 10 years and ive been back and forth texting her when she went through so much with a boyfriend.
but i can honestly say on the tail end of 2014 I feel fine with who is now in my life and who i bother with, they are decent friends its a two way friend ship and a two way caring friendship and a couple of them are soul mates, deep chats about anything. But of course over the 2 years the support ive had from you guys on here past and present.

oh little pink you poor thing, will be thinking of you this year, you have us here for you to talk to and lean on we jump in and out all the time on this thread and its a comfy safe house with cake and coffee and warm support.
Candykane we lost my mum on Good Friday it was so hard to see through Easter normal but somewhere that strength comes from somewhere doesn't it.
mummylin how is your brother doing now? I thanks for the support, i really cant believe were in december very soon. X

anyone go mad on any bargains today for black friday? I cant believe what i was watching with everyone fighting for tv's etc on the news!!! CRAZY!! xx

lilamani ((hugs)) so very sorry for your loss. Chat to us here, have you got rl support? My god its a dark and very hard time when you have just lost someone, take each minute, hour and day at a time. Do what makes you feel comfortable and be around people that you feel comfortable with.

for you hun we all know what you are going through and still is hard now for me but the gaps do get a little bigger but i miss her like mad and cant think about the voids too much, but i take her with me and like to think she is with me and my family.

Thinking of you and were here for you xx

T my brother was doing really well scar is minimal and hardly notices but yesterday he had a letter from the hospital to say he has to go back and have it done again as they found cancer in the area they thought would be clear they haven't taken enough out. I was told today and I feel so sorry for him. He looks so sad. He expects it will be after Xmas now.
hello lila I'm so sorry for your loss and sad you have had to join this thread. But we have all travelled the same path as you so please post whenever you need to,we all understand how devastating your loss is to you,and know how painful it all is.

On and yes T my dh went and got a new tele. We had a few words about it on wed as we don't need a bigger one. So last night he said he wasn't going . But guess what he was up at seven and went and queued up, they only let ten in at a time , he got right at the front eventually then was told there no more 40" tele, s left. He went in anyway and bought the next size up ! I had no idea he had even gone , until he came charging into the bedroom and said " guess what time I went out " !! I don't think it will fit in our lounge so he will have to put it in the conservatory to replace the one that is there. But there was no rioting like we have seen on the news. Q

oh L i am sorry to hear about your brother oh my word hope they can move things fast for him though!! I was following about the TV that is the sort of thing my husband would do!! hehe, where did it end up? it was getting a bit feisty up the road where i live but other than that nothing like what i saw on the news!!

biscuits i havent forgotten you hun we must sort something out. ((hugs)) xx

He is at this very moment setting it up to make sure it works in the conservatory. He will try it in the lounge tomorrow. If it dosent look right it's not staying there and he will have to keep it out in conservatory ! It will fit on the wall out there but in the lounge it would have to go on the wooden top incorporated in a brick fireplace. I think it's too bloody big but we will see, I'm quite happy with the one we already have, but he likes all the sport so wants to see it bigger !!!! Why I have no idea.

to everyone here. I'm so sorry for your losses.

My father had a stroke nearly three weeks ago, never regained consciousness, and passed away in hospital four days later.
I'm just beginning to realise that I'm really never going to see him again. There are still moments when I come across something funny and think I should tell him that, he'd be amused, and then it suddenly hits me all over again.

I do have lovely people around me in RL, but I've never been good at opening up to people. I had started a thread here when he was dying. It was immensely comforting to be able to write down things I'd never be able to say without crying and to read people's responses.

It's very early days lilamani, so sorry you've had such a big shock. It took me at least five or six weeks just to understand that my dad was gone, and he was ill for a year. It's a big thing to process. X