Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

Damn internet!! I couldn't get on yesterday atall.
Lin Was thinking of you hope the day went the best it could. The flowers and the arrangement we're lovely.

Sending you big hugs all the way from the garden of England.
Hi to everyone else

Xxx

hope the day went okay lin, we were all thinking of you. am up ready for my doctors this morning ds is stomping around in a grumpy mood because he doesn't want to go back to school .

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. After I had been to the crem I went to my dd,s house and what with hearing all about my gd,s flight crew training etc, the horrible time soon passed. The two graves look very colourful although the damn rain must of battered the flowers.
Spoken to my brother today and his plaster came off, he is now convinced his head looks different ! He is not going out until he has the stitches out on Friday ! It sounds like where they have pulled the skin over to cover up where they took the cancer from, his eye now feels tight. But the main thing is, it's gone.

glad its gone mummylin and the weekend is by for you!

nina, I know what you mean about forgetting, I struggle to remember mum and dads voices and it kills me, but I can remember other voices from years back!! I think your mind plays tricks on you sometimes.

candy, your list about crying will grow, but the times you cry will lessen, time is the only healer, its the only thing that helps. It never goes away, but you know that already. Try to be kind to yourself.x

Hello everyone, how are you all today?
Today's tormenting thought for me. I wish I hugged my dad more. And we are a very tactile family, there were lots of hand squeezes and kisses and hair stroking but I didn't give him lots of hugs in the last year because his tummy was so tender from the bowel cancer and he had a chemo port in for seven months so I was wary of tugging it.
But now I miss him so much, I just want to give him giant bear hugs.
I am starting to move past the trauma of the end and I am seeing the gaping big hole more clearly now.
The tears are never far away.

Candy, I expect we all have regrets of something or other. It's just how life is, but you don't think about things until it's too late.
The tears are healing so don't try and bottle it all up inside, you will make yourself ill. I speak from experience of when my sister died, my mum stayed with me and this was everyone came at the time. I tried to be brave as there were so many people here , plus I didn't want mum to see me in tears, ten month later it hit me like a brick and I had to have medication and was off work for 3 months. It was awful.

Thank you for sharing that with me mummylin. This thread is a valve for me where I can be truly honest about how I feel. I am letting the tears flow when my DD is asleep.

It's very difficult to speak to people in RL who have no experience of losing mum / dad. Until they do they have no idea how devastating it really is. But of course on this thread everyone understands competely and it's so nice because we have / are all going through the same feelings.
I heard a very sad thing yesterday, my ds,s friends mum was found dead on sat morning. She had had a brain bleed. Her organs have been donated to six people. I don't know her and have only met her daughter once, but I feel so sad for the poor persons family. It's happening everywhere for someone. Life can be so hard at times, but we get through it all somehow.

It's such a mixture of things. Yes, that poor lady's family. We understand the turmoil, the aftermath.
I thing death itself is very hard to comprehend, the finality of it.

theres a lot of threads here now with xmas coming up that are hard to read, there's one just now about not wanting to host your parents for xmas, I'm desperate to post "what will you do when they're dead" but might be a bit misunderstood, all I mean is is that your parents arent here forever.....

am really missing mum and dad just now , its all gone, all of it..

I agree with you ssd they don't realise how very lucky they are. Like you I would love to have my mum for Christmas. It's all so awful isn't it.

Ssd...I do get what you mean but remember not everyone had good parents, or parents they are close to.
We were lucky with ours.
Which is why we are all suffering so much x
Been shopping this morning with mum and when we saw Xmas stuff I didn't feel like crying - so progress on last year!
Thinking of you all x

I am afraid I am one of those terrible christmas nuts. If you read my other threads of the christmas board you would have absolutely no idea how desperately heartbroken I am.
It will be the first Christmas without my dad. I am hosting all. I am going to put a framed picture of my dad in a Christmas hat on the table. I inherited my Christmas nut gent from him so I feel honour bound to carry on the traditions in his name, and create a few new ones. But I am under no illusions how hard it will be.
I've already scurried away from the Mum and Dad cards in M and S.

And ssd, so sorry you are really feeling the loss. Nothing I can say to console you except say my heart goes out to you and I am sending you a thread hug x

oh God, M&S...is there anywhere more soul destroying than M&S, its full of girls my age out shopping with their mums, I left there crying 2 weeks ago and had to walk past all the cards "To mum and dad at Christmas" to leave the store, almost threw myself under a bus, actually I hate all the Christmas cards, mum, dad, they just kill me and the sister, brother cards make me want to kill someone else. my sister is on a luxury holiday at christmas and my brother is hosting his in laws after neither visiting mum at Xmas for years, karma is a load of c**p.

am feeling really bitter these days and I dont like it, its very hard to shake off.

Oh ssd it seems so unfair doesn't it. All those people with their mums, they will feel your pain one day. If you were to stop one of them and tell them your pain, they would probably hug you and tell you of their own pain. But that doesn't help you right now.
The bitterness, my friend who has lost both has the same feelings as you. It's so hard to process.

It is so sad to read your posts ssd , we can all tell how upset you are. But you were dealt cruel blows, first by your losses and then the aftermath where your siblings have been so bloody ignorant, not bothering with you, leaving you to clear the house etc, it's no wonder you feel as you do. You have not been treated nicely at all. It's bound to hurt .
candy and ssd I too don't like seeing the cards! but as some of you know I still get my mum a card! a laminated one especially for bereaved people to be able to take to the graveyard. Also I always put up an old card which says ' to my daughter and son in law " I have done this since mum died and makes me feel like I have my usual card from mum.it dosent stop me feeling so sad but it doesmake me feel a little better
Perhaps Candy you could get one of the laminated cards to take to your dads place of rest. You can get them from one of the eBay shops and there are lots to choose from.
badvoc I know you too have been through a lot but I am glad to see that things are a bit better for you now.
SM hope you have medication for your vertigo soon be time to get my little robin out !
T hope you also are doing ok and biscuits too.
waterlego and everyone who is on this thread I hope things are moving for ward for you all. I feel this is one of the hardest time coming up as everyone around gets into the Christmas spirit and we all find it so hard.
It's little steps we must take. Don't expect big strides. For you all

I'm still here, got new tablets and have ordered some new glasses they are very bold and not usual for me hope I can pull them off or I will feel really self conscious. how is everyone?. I avoid card shopping now, the Christmas stuff I throw myself into because mum loved it and would expect it! coming up to the anniversary now in just under two weeks seems a lifetime since I saw her. I remember sitting with her in Christies she didn't speak or move at all I was just waiting for the next breath or inevitably when the next breath didn't come. I remember seeing fireworks in the sky outside and wondering how the world was carrying on while my mum was dying. still feels like that sometimes people were kind to me at the beginning but now it seems they think I should be over it. it gets very frustrating. what's new with everyone?

Sm, that expression Life Goes On is grating sometimes for me. Yes of course it does but it shouldn't for a while. I find it awkward when people don't acknowledge my dads death. Posit hey don't know what to say but it feels so rude and uncaring.
I know Christies well, it's where my dad has his treatment.

candy, am sorry for your friend but its such a relief to hear your friend is bitter too, I thought it was just me! although of course I dont wish these feelings on anyone. it is just very hard to process, it seems mum and dad were part of another lifetime, its hard to reconcile it wasn't that long ago, it feels like such a lifetime ago, and I crave it as it contained them, or at least mum x

I do think life goes on and I would never expect that people treat me differently but I do expect that they realise that whether it be 6 months,6 weeks or 6 years down the line my mums death will always have a profound effect on my personality as I'm sure everyone else on this thread will agree about their parents. it does change you and it is not wrong to dwell on that sometimes and feel sad for what we have lost

very true sm x

Good morning everyone, hope you are all managing to keep warm today. I hate these depressing looking days, a bit of sunshine does give a bit of a lift doesn't it. Candy yes , your life is now changed forever, we can never go back to being the people we were it's almost like we have a brain transplant. I wish I could actually recall how I used to feel. Life is now in two different sections one before and one after. I hate the one after.

the one before feels safe, this one feels very vulnerable without a parent there, somewhere..