Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

am a bit sulky tonight stumbled again before and hurt myself because my balance is still shot. have to have the door open to even have a bath, it's driving me bats I like being independent but the only time I've really been out is with someone else just in case, so bored!

It must be quite debilitating SM. How long has doc said it will take before you get better ? Or dosent he know. ?

anything from 3 weeks to twelve weeks apparently I can go out obviously but don't feel very steady so have been mostly only going when others are with me

It must be a bit like having motion sickness after being on a boat, when I had that it fellas though the pavement was moving and I felt so sick. I hope you will soon feel better, but I don't blame you for not going out on your own. My sis in laws mum has the same problem as you.

There is one thing I have learned over the years, that is to reassure friends who have lost, that there is no time limit on talking about it. An older friend of mine who lost her dad twenty five years ago says she can still cry just because she misses him.
Sometimes, because we look normal on the outside and life seems to be going on, people can think you are over it. I will never get over losing my dad. I will just very slowly get used to it? I think.
People don't stop being a part of your lives just because their bodies have stopped working. I lost both my grandmas 17 and 16 years ago and I still chat to them every night as I drift off to sleep. I am in a constant dialogue with my dad, but others won't see that.
At the moment I very much feel that my dad is with me and it is giving me strength.

Candy Kane. I know what you mean along with others here. I really feel my mum is right with me the last few days. I feel a warmth a strength a big ol warm blanket round me. Plus other strange lil things happen don't get me wrong i miss her mentally to 'talk' too but she is never far when I need her.

Sm get better soon Hun
Lin how are you my lovely!?
Ssd biscuits ending love and hugs guys.

Love to all in the thread, thinking of you all xx

I lost my lovely mum nearly two years ago. The other night I had a vivid dream that I was climbing down a ladder and became aware of someone waiting for me at the bottom, it was my mum. We had a really tight, long hug that I could feel in my dream. When we had finished the hug I woke straight up and knowing I had just hugged my mum made me feel really happy. Then the reality hit me that I have lost her and I will never be able to hug her again and the thought was devastating. I just cried my eyes out for hours and was down all the following day.

A couple of days later and I am so pleased that I had the dream, it felt so real. I would give absolutely anything to just have five minutes with her and with my dad too.

I can't explain this to my friends as they are not in my situation and while being sympathetic and supportive you cannot even begin to explain what losing a parent that you had a close relationship with is like to someone that hasn't experienced it.

I only read this section of the forum the other day after my dream. I wish I had known about it when my mum was ill and when I lost her as I really think it would have helped to "speak" to people who can understand. Thank you.

Rinks I lost my dad six weeks ago and this thread is probably the best support, along with my patient and caring husband. Mybfriendscarevace but to have a forum of people who understand, to speak freely about my lovely dad is very freeing.
Your dream sounds lovely. X

Hello tinks welcome to our thread albeit for a very sad reason. I too have had two dreams about my mum , but unlike you she didn't speak to me in it, she was just there. It did feel very real to me too in my dream. It's heartbreaking to wake and come to the realisation that it was all a dream, but who knows maybe they did come to visit us. I hope so. I am a year further on than you and I feel almost as unhappy as I did then.but I have found great comfort and friendship on this thread and it has helped such a lot.
candy I don't think anyone of us will ever get over it although I agree people expect you to revert back to the person you were quite quickly, when the truth of the matter is we never will be as we were. There will always be a big part of us missing. But they will always be with us as we carry them in our hearts. Forever .

[tinks] I know what you mean. I had a dream about my mum last year and she hugged me and told me she loved me. Believing what I do spiritually I believe she come to me on my sleep. But same as you the pain was immense when I woke up with the whole emptiness again.
Come chat to us anytime we're here for you xx

hi all how are you?

this time 2 years ago my brother was phoning to say the hospital had called mums husband and him there to tell them there was nothing else they could do for mum. her bowel was perforated and she was being effectively poisoned. until then we thought that she would get better. can still remember falling to the floor howling, feels like an age ago now. It almost seems like i was watching it from somewhere else. feeling really down today, need to give myself a shake. she would be kicking my arse .

SM it's on to feel down. It's an awful thing that has happened to you, your mum and your family. The shock itself is a trauma. Be kind to yourself. X

Sorry that you are now reliving that terrible time SM , it seems it's what we all seem to do. It must be terrible to have someone so ill for months knowing they are slowly dying, but it's also awful when it's so sudden as it was for my family, my mum wasn't even ill till a few hours literally before. Have you heard from SF at all now he has moved ? Thinking of you. X

I said the same to my sister before lin I don't think knowing or not knowing makes it easier to bear eh. nope no word since he said he had moved. no contact over ds or nephews birthday, think that's it to be honest now I'll just have to accept this is his way of dealing with and moving on I suppose I can't force him to stay in touch.

thanks candy, sorry to see you have had to join us here, we are a chatty bunch though you will never be alone here

At least we all have each other and we can actually can relate to what others are saying / feeling. It helps a lot I think, I have left a link to another lady who has just lost her dad, maybe she will come and join us. Those early days are so awful aren't they. You can relate to that candy because it's so new for you too.
On a different subject I have just seen Neil diamond advertised on tele next week, I will be annoyed if I forget it's on !

I will remind you mummylin! When is he on?
Yes there's no easy way to lose someone, whether it's sudden or a long illness. Both ways it's... Well only a swear word will suffice buy I'll be ladylike and refrain.
I watched my dad suffer for a long time and we didn't have goodbyes because he couldn't bear the thought of leaving us. He fought until his last breath.
X

It's next Thursday at 9pm itv. Thanks Candy.
We didn't get goodbyes either Candy because it wasn't expected. Makes me shudder to think about it all again. As we have said many times on here " the price of love is grief " how true that is.It upsets me to think my own children will have to go through this one day, I can hardly bear thinking of them being so sad.

Yes that plays on my mind. I am 40 and my DD is 1. If I live as long as my dad she will be 27.
I watched my parents lose their mothers and saw their grief then, so now it is my turn, and one day, it will be my daughters turn. But it is the natural order of things.
I am focusing on giving her the happy memories I am lucky enough to have myself.
Just having a quiet five mins on my own before bed, the hardest part of the day.

Very strange thing today when I was at my dads sorting my mums bits

Coincidence or not.... Sorting stuff with my dad of my mums fair few boxes of bits like odds and ends boxes
we randomly chose a box and at the bottom of it was a poppy pretty apt for time of year!!
We could have gone for any of the boxes but chose that one! Strange...

Sm - so unbelievably hard isn't it when you think back. At my dads today although I'm sure she was there but it floored me finding some things. I can't bear to think of her gone physically.

Whose been watching scd and or X factor? X
I'm loving Ben obv good singer too. Fleur is good too as is Andrea. [happy] xx

I watched X factor T not sure who I prefer actually . Will watch tomorrow.
That's a coincidence about the poppy box. I still have crates of stuff here of mums, I haven't touched one box since we cleared her house. I can't bear to sort it and I know I won't throw anything away. I have everything stashed in the big plastic containers. Even scraps of paper mum had written on.

Remembering not only the war heroes, but the people we have loved and lost too.

Candykane25 I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Pleased that you have your husband to support you. The dream was lovely, it was the waking up that was hard.

Thank you Mummylin. My mum didn't speak to me in that dream, but she did in others. It is comforting and does seem very real sometimes. I am sorry that you are still unhappy, but am pleased to hear that you are getting support here. I don't think that you ever come to terms with what happens, it just stops being all you think about, but you don't ever lose the capacity to hurt as much as when it happened.

T875 your dream sounds absolutely lovely. I have had several dreams where it felt like I was actually with my mum, but none like that of my dad. I think you can see signs sometimes that makes you think that they are thinking of you. My dad used to tell my mum that when there were jet streams in the sky in a cross that it was a kiss in the sky from him. After he died mum and I always thought of him when we saw that. I have continued to do that after mum died too. On the eve of mum's Birthday last month there were two huge kisses in the sky and I felt that mum and dad were thinking of me. Thank you I will x

Tinks how lovely. I feel that dad has come to see me when I was in the depths of despair. I think on some level they don't ever leave us. They are a part of us.

Remembering my husbands grandfather who was killed today in 1943 x