Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

its not just shifted, its gone completely. but I was unlucky, I had siblings who were/are like strangers to me and didnt support me at all, they felt complete indifference even though I've been the one who looked after mum for years. it was like double bereavement, losing my mum and realising my siblings have no understanding of me. also I've no aunts or uncles etc and dh had no parents either, so my world really shrunk when mum died, as dh and the dc's are my only family now.

but I think I was just unlucky, I think when the second parent dies most people have some extended family to fall back on a bit, even just for a bit of comfort.

but I've got a good dh and good kids, and some good friends, I'm lucky that way.

and of course all the brilliant support here, where would we all be without it xx

It has gone completely ssd, I see that. My friend is in a very similar situation. She has a sibling but her sibling wants to move abroad and she feels rootless.
I am finding out how family dynamics change. I was very close to my dad, and now he's not here it often feels like my mum and sister stick together and I am out in the cold on my own. I never realised this would happen. We were a family of four but it was me and my dad who spent time together. We went to the pub every Friday after work, just the two of us. We worked together on DIY projects. We both loved a bargain and went shopping together, just us two. I have realised now that he was the glue, and without him there I feel separate.

It is terrible how the loss of a loved one can cause so much angst between families, where it should be that everyone draws closer. I will never ever fall out with any of my siblings after we lost our younger sister at 26. But in saying that I have two of my brothers who won't speak to each other. I think that time is so precious and it seems awful to waste time when life can be taken at any minute, as we found out with our mum.
It is a very painful experience isn't it. The people on some of these threads speak so horribly of their parents,it makes me angry, they don't know how lucky they are to have them, of course some parents are toxic, but to fall out over such stupid irrelevant things is so silly.

candy, I'm sorry about that. You've shown me another side of grief I hadn't thought about. I can see why you miss your dad so much, you sound very close, which of course is a real blessing, but makes it hurt more when they go. you dad sounds lovely!

as mummylin says, its just so painful.

Thank you ssd. Yes he was lovely. Twinkly ice blue eyes like Paul Newman, big smile, cheeky face.
I have been at work today and whilst typing away I just thought he gone. I can't believe he's gone. It doesn't seem possible. Thought my heart would stop. And then I carried on typing.

Sometimes you wonder how on earth you manage to carry on, don't you? I can remember standing in the George clothing aisle in Asda, looking for a place I could crawl under the clothes to sob, I just stood looking under the clothes for ages as I knew I couldn't carry on walking around.... eventually I just moved on and finished my shop, but I really had to force myself not to collapse in a heap as thats all I wanted to do.

I feel grief moves through you, really slowly, like a dye and it never leaves your system completely, but it does gradually fade, over time, but its always there, and sometimes it takes over and you just have to go with it.

Was just thinking about you all, hope you are all doing something nice over the weekend and that the forecast rain dosent arrive for all of us !

Thank you mummylin, thinking of you all too. Sorting out my dads things today with my mum.
I am weird, I like rain! I love autumn and misty days.

mums birthday coming up in just over a week, want to do something but there will be so many flowers up there and they never last long would like to buy something for ds to have in his garden at home for her maybe a bird bath that I can set in the middle of the memory garden. weather is grim here, kids doing good though and being pretty good too. still not doing much due to the vertigo but lots of shopping done online! my washer broke yesterday which I could of done without this close to Christmas and with dp losing hours at work but needs must eh. how are you all?

hope today goes okay candy with sorting out your dads things

o and Linn I love the salt lamp it looks great, contemplating buying the grandparents one for Christmas

SM, in the end I have ordered two lamps ( different designs ) which have both arrived now.!

they look interesting and a break from the traditional chocolates/wine that my grandparents usually end up with!.

I did some wrapping up the other day, i hate wrapping stuff. it always looks shocking

It's beginning to get cloudy here, I woke to bright sunshine. I have a lazy day today, I went to do the flowers last week so won't go today, I tend to go every fortnight. I have given up on anyone else doing it now and accept it's my job.i bought all the spare vases home last week to wash as now it's nearly anniversary time for mum and my sister there will be extra flowers. We are quite lucky no-one has ever taken one of our pots.

Bird bath sounds lovely SM. What is a salt lamp? I can't see photos.
I have only been to the grave once. It is difficult to get to (I don't drive due to a health condition) but I am also a bit in denial still so it's too hard.

I wasn't going to put the pic on here , it's on another thread. But I will.the lamp apart from the base is made entirely of salt from the Himalayas .it is supposed to be beneficial in that it does something to the air. It's a beautiful little lamp, makes the room really cosy. You can't wash it though as the salt would melt ! It's from a company called amazinghealth.co.uk

That sounds lovely mummylin x

that lamp is really lovely, think I'll look at that website mummylin!

Yes do ssd. They have different shapes of lamps. When you get web page just put in search " salt lamps " I love mine dd bought it for me, I have got the same one for my brother and his wife for Xmas and a different one for my sister and her dh.

Hi guys. Been crazy here eldest just got back from Germany and trying to decide on schools. For youngest for secondary school!

Lovely lamp mummylin does look very cosy and a lovely glow to it.

Ssd - was great to hear from you Hun I'm so pleased I did. I will get back.

Hope everyone is well going along best you can always thinking of you all xx

Hello T lovely to see you! glad your ds safely home. Was it a school trip ? Did he enjoy it.

Hi Lin. It was eldest daughter she had a great time thanks. She stood at the point where Belgium Germany and Netherlands meet! She was nervous about the ferry though. Gotta say so would I be too ha ha I r never been on a boat atall.

How are you Lin? Weather is calm here so hopefully we won't get too bad winds ( fingers crossed)

We're going to a local church Sunday to light a candle for my mum in her remembrance. 2012 I was sobbing mess. I think Sunday will be a little better. Seriously can't belive we are near November!!

Xx

The anniversary,s are looming up quickly now, I have ten days to go until mums then of course my sisters date three days later. Blowing a gale here at the moment, but it's not raining. I am awake so early because I want to watch the verdict on Oscar P at 8.30 !

anniversaries are hard aren't they linn, next Tuesday is mums birthday, mid November the day she died, her wedding anniversary the day after. wish I could sleep through the lot of them but we will prop each other up linn, always here to have a chat