Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

will be thinking of you girls in the coming weeks, anniversaries bring it all back dont they

glad dd had a great time t875, was it a school trip?

the weather here was wild last night but seems to have calmed down a bit

I will be sending you a big hug and squeeze and a shoulder to lean on via this thread for your anniversaries x
I am in the north west, absolutely blowing a gale outside, it is howling. Luckily I am not in work today so me and DD are hunkering down for the day. I did a full day at work yesterday after a phased week last week. It was not too bad. My boss loss her mum seven months ago suddenly so she is very supportive. In fact I think it helps us both that we can freely talk about our loss.

The day after my mums anniversary my brother will have a skin cancer removed, whilst this is not life threatening it brings back memories of when he had Hodgkins when he was younger and nearly died, so all in all will be a horrible few days. But it will all be ok , even though sad days I am not alone with having to go this, you all do and I am not any different. The only thing is it's all so close together.

Hello all.

I love those salt lamps! I'd never heard of them before but they're really beautiful :) You lot sound pretty organised re Christmas...I'm in a bit of denial about it at the mo...I'm the same every year.

mummylin, there's lots coming up for you this month. I hope you will have all the RL support you need from your family.

It was one year yesterday since my mum died. Felt rather lost and still do. I miss her SO much. The world is too quiet without her. She was a really funny and bonkers (and very, very thoughtful) lady with so many friends. My heart aches when I think of her and how brave she was during her illness. I feel so angry and outraged that her bravery and positivity wasn't enough. She was so determined to survive her cancer (to the point of actually being in a bit of denial about her prognosis), and I so admired her resilience. I just wish I could have helped her stay around for longer- she had so much to live for. She loved life so much. I'm sorry mum that I couldn't do more for you. I love you so much. xxxx

Hi Waterlego. How has the past year gone so quickly ? I hope you managed to get through the day with some happy memories as well as the sad ones. It's the terrible sense of loss that's so hard to cope with isn't it. I too miss my mum so much and still find it all unbelievable. I am still haunted by the fact I don't know if she was scared or anything like that and that thought upsets me. After all she didn't have a life changing illness or anything, it was an utter shock and so sudden.
Yes the lamps are lovely aren't they, everyone admires mine, that's why I have bought one for my sister and one for my brother for Xmas. I'm not getting caught out doing all my shopping in December this year !!

Ah the anniversaries we know are the hardest. Will be thinking of you all lin. Will you be doing anything? Do you and your family get together? X

Oh water lego sending you a massive hug. Hope today has gone a bit easier. Your mum will be with you. X

Lin - my word reading about your brother. How awful. All round the time of your anniversaries.
As Kandycane said we will be here for you. We are all here for each other.
It's nice ( not nice the situation) but nice getting to know you all on here. Definitely my very close cyber sisters!! X

Ssd sorry forgot you Hun. Yes it was a school trip for dd.

Can ask guys my daughter is full of a cold she had a chest infection which affected her Asthma before she went away she was on steroids and antibiotics. She's come back and is full of a cold. Any old wives tales of anything that's good for congestion ?? Xx

put boiling water and a bit of vicks in it in a basin, set it on a table in front of you and throw a big towel over your head and lean into the basin to breathe up the vapours, the towel keeps the vapours from escaping

hope she feels better soon xx

I second ssd,s advice !
My brother will be fine T although he thinks he will have a hole in his head, which of course he won't. But he just wants to get rid of it now. To tell you the truth I can barely see anything at all, but his new GP spotted it.

Oh wading, it is only four weeks today since I lost my dad but I could have written your post. I have said sorry to my dad for not being able to stop his cancer. He fought so so hard. I thought all the stuff about cancer being a battle and fights being brave were all cliches but it's true, he fought until he took his last breath.
It's a strange feeling, accepting you had no control over it, you couldn't stop it, couldn't fix it. It's forcing us to accept life can be unpredictable and vulnerable. I keep waiting for the next tragedy to befall me.its horrible.

Very grateful I have you lot to talk to x

Oh and t875, Vicks on the soles of the feet, and a nasal salt spray.

Well. I crashed and burned at work today. I was doing fine until I typed the date and i thought how can it possibly be a whole month since my dad died?
Then I forgot how the printer worked. Then I forgot how to sign my own name.
I came home. Don't think I'll be going back for a bit. I feel tired and vacant. I've been worried sick for the last year about my dad at the exact same time I became a new mum.
I am exhausted.

candykane" you are pushing yourself too hard. You are still in the very early days of your grieving and need to take stock of what's happened. You need time to do your grieving. Don't go back to wok until you feel really ready. It will come.

Oh candy. If I could make you a stiff drink/hot chocolate and wrap you up in a duvet right now, that's exactly what I'd do.

It does sound as though you need some more time away from work so I'm glad you're going to stay away for a while.

Grief is utterly exhausting (and I hadn't realised you're a new mum too- what an insane roller coaster you must have been on this last year).

All that absent-mindedness and forgetfulness...all of that is very normal (or at least it happened to me too, so I assume it's normal). The description of grief as a 'fog' is, I find, very accurate. Difficulty concentrating, feeling confused and disorientated... all very normal.

Be really, really kind to yourself. Grief is a tremendous emotional AND physical shock. Illness is very common in the recently bereaved, so try to do your best to look after your basic needs- sleep, good food, getting outside, a bit of exercise..... If you can find the time and the energy to attend to those needs, it will help a little.

Thinking of you.

Hello everyone, hope you are doing ok. candy I hope you have decided you need some time away from your job so that you can get yourself on a more even keel. It's a massive trauma and we all need time to process what has happened. And of course in the very early days there are just so many tears, the best place is to be in the comfort of your own home, rather than trying to be brave for everyone at work.
Thinking of you all, especially now all the Xmas stuff is in the shops and when we see it, it's just another reminder that we have people missing from our lives. It's so tough isn't it ?

It is tough mummy, that it is.

A friend of mine who lost her mum ten years ago, describes her grief as being 'in my bones'. I know exactly what she means. It becomes so ingrained in us- it becomes a part of who we are.

I have tried explaining that to my OH but I'm not sure he really gets it. When I said it has changed me forever, he looked worried and said 'How?'. But it's such a difficult thing to explain. I'm the same person on the surface but I carry something else around with me now. Or rather, I move around the world with something missing from me.

Where they used to be, there is a hole in the world.

I understand that competely Candy . I know my life changed forever the day my mum died. I can never be the same person that I was, things is used to laugh at no longer interest me, I don't enjoy so many things that I used to. I cannot relax entirely and half the time just can't be bothered to do anything that I used to do. You would think my children and GC would be enough but they aren't. There is now always somone very special missing from my life, so yes I do understand. My dh also dosent understand how deeply I have been affected. But no doubt we will go on , smiling on the outside but heartbroken inside .

Just realised I should of addressed that to you waterlego! I'm getting senile too !

Yes I have changed. My resting face is one of resigned sadness.
My dad is part of me. He is part of my identity. He has been a huge influence on who I am, how I think, how I act. I love him. We were connected by some invisible rope and now he isn't there. He was my hero, my safety net, my friend.
I have something made of lead inside me now, I feel heavy.

Candy, when my mum died, I actually had a real physical pain in my heart and my legs would not work properly, I think it was all down to shock but after a couple of weeks the actual pain went and my legs were normal again. It was very weird. But the heartache remains just the same as it was then. But in general things have got a lot better. The people on this thread have helped me such a lot and I am truly grateful for that. You too will improve but it all takes time and it's a very slow process.

I have arranged some more time off work. DD at nursery, I am sat here with a coffee. I really feel like I should be doing useful things but will just sit here for a while longer.
I am doing Christmas dinner this year as its a new house to us so there are no christmas memories in it. I know it will be hard.
Just done the maths, we have a six seater table and 9 for dinner. Mmm.

I

Hi Candy, I have had the same problem before and actually used my fold up picnic table for the extra, it was just my family so I didn't have to stand on ceremony, I made it look exactly the same as my big table and so it was all fine ! There is a way round everything somehow, and before we had our conservatory we didn't even have a table at all and we borrowed my brothers huge garden table and chairs !!!!!

Just to let you all know I have namechanged for Halloween, it's not really suitable for this thread so I keep changing back, but if I do forget to do this, you will know it's me because it still starts with "mummy"

Hello again, another name changer (was Bransonpickle.)

It's approaching six months since my dad died (mum died 17 years ago in April) - I was like you initially candy. I couldn't even eat, felt like things were choking me!

I am changed too, I know, hugely. The face the outside world sees is the same but inside me is a quiet sort of place that's beautiful and haunting at the same time. I think it's what was and also I hope what will be. I have lost my parents but I pray I will be a parent and a good one.

I wish you all well