Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

Thank you mummylin and 1875.

Yes I have my mum and sister. Of course we are all grieving and at the moment not spending that much time together as I think we all need space to get our thoughts together. The last month of my dads life was very full on with us all providing 24hr care (and Macmillan were amazing) so it's the calm after the storm now. I also have the most amazing husband and gorgeous little girl. I am very much counting my blessings for all I do have.
I am glad I can speak to people who understand. Sat in a cafe now just feeling a bit lost, and empty and bereft. I am enjoying the coffee, will enjoy perusing the shops, but there is something missing, and things won't be the same again.
I am hoping my dad is happy wherever he is.

Hello candykane it's all so sad isn't it and I agree that life will never be the same there is always the thoughts that someone is missing. Vbut I believe that your dad will never be entirely gone, he has left you and your sister as his legacy. He lives on in the genes he has passed on to you both. Look after yourself in the coming weeks, on some days you will be fine , others you will find yourself sobbing, but this is quite normal. Gradually you will get more " normal" days than being a wreck, but it does all take time.
T thanks . Friend has had lump and nodes removed, no chemo required but six weeks of radio therapy then tablets for the next five years. This was only picked up by a routine mammogram , she had no lumps or anything so everyone please check and any little signs do go to the doc. My brother will have his skin cancer removed on 31st of this month. The day after mums anniversary and 2 days before my sisters anniversary! May as well get all the upset under way at the same time I guess. Life is tough sometimes isn't it.

Your friend had no lump to feel for her self on a check lin?
My god all the timing with your brothers treatment and the remembrance days of your mum and sister. I feel for you lin. Remember we will be here with a cuppa and cake and an open ear through it all. X

Candy Kane. I am bet much spiritual and I do like to believe they are up there with passed relatives and they are still there for us. I know it sounds crazy but over these last few years when I've had tough times I know my mum has been around me. I feel a huge sense of warmth and comfort like she wraps in a blanket. I know we are all different but but although done days it doesn't help As need her physically but it does bring me comfort.
We know what you are going through and my god it's hard after we've lost them. Thinking if you and sending you big hugs. Keep talking to is anytime there is always someone who will be around xx

To add lin glad to hear your friend was ok.. X

Hi all.
Well..today is the my second b day without dad.
Feels so strange.
He used to ring me up from work and sing happy b day to me :) :(
I miss him.
I just miss him.
I hope you are all doing as well as you can x

happy birthday to you dd t875!

and lots of for you too badvoc, hope today isnt too bittersweet

mummylin, god everything comes at once doesnt it? for you

and lots of hugs to us all here ((((())))))

No T she had felt no lump at all, so she was shocked when mammo picked it up. I have to say hospital etc were brilliant with her, she was called back in about 5 days, had biopsy, scan etc and within days was in hospital having it removed. And that was just at her normal 3 yr scan, thank god for that.
Yes you are right ssd it does all come at once! but iam not helping myself by thinking about it even now! it's not until the end of the month and already it's all in my mind. I just can't help it. Those 4 days will be a crappy time but I will cope, no other choice really. Others have much worse things to cope with. But it dosent always feel like that !

you're right, it doesn't! x

1875 yes I felt my dad around me in the few days, but right now I think he is off busy having a good time catching up with many who passed before him. I hope he is eating my grandma's apple pie.

Mummylin I will be thinking of you around your anniversaries x

Thank you folks, for remembering me and being so kind :)

Hello mummylin and ssd and t875 and everybody.

candykane I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like a wonderful person who will be greatly missed. Your description of how you felt while you were sitting in the cafe made my heart ache- I identify with that feeling so much. One day at a time is the only way to get through it.

Mummy- I'm sorry to hear about your friend- what a shock for her. I'm glad she got her treatment so quickly though and I hope things will continue well for her.

I'm really sorry to read your brother has skin cancer- how frightening for you all. I'm keeping everything crossed that his procedure goes well.

I have had two mammograms this year, and this morning I had all my moles scanned by a consultant dermatologist. It's both a blessing and a curse that my parents' predicaments have given me a paranoia about my own health!

Badvoc, Birthdays are never the same when there's someone so important missing. Sending hugs.

So the first anniversary of mum's death is approaching and it's set me back a bit. It is the 'last of the firsts'. There have been so many firsts... their birthdays, and mine, and the children's, the first xmas, the first trip to their house in France, the anniversary of dad's death, and now this is the last one.

It feels strange because then it'll be more than a year since any of it, and maybe people will assume that I'm not grieving any more. I know it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, but at the same time, it's a bit unbearable to think that people might assume I'm fine, because how could I be? There's such an enduring emptiness. Nothing is ever quite right. But I don't want to be miserable forever, and mum and dad wouldn't want me to be.

At some point, I feel like I will have to make a conscious decision to get on with my life and look to the future, but it's too scary most of the time. The world feels bleak and unsafe.

Sorry for such a long and maudlin post. I'm not always this miserable, honestly! It's just a low time at the moment.

But on the bright side, I've planted some crocus and bluebell bulbs on mum and dad's plot, so I'm looking forward to seeing those in the spring. But please keep your fingers crossed because my track record with plants is terrible!

Sending love to one and all.

Wading, my loss is very recent but I have been supporting my friend who lost her mum nearly three years ago and her dad ten years ago. There is no time limit on grief (in fact it is forever) and we talk about her mum a lot and how my friend is coping. I am sure you will find that people will continue to support you.
And yes my dad was wonderful, I was very lucky. A friend has given me some photos of him she had printed for me. He was very photogenic, big beaming smile. When I look at it, it is hard to comprehend he isn't alive anymore. But I know he isn't because I miss him so much.

hi all how is everyone getting on?

I'm on the couch again, I've got vertigo which explains the feeling crap. trying to rest but fed up totally. dp being a star but I hate feeling useless.

sorry to see new people join us and have to feel like this, it is hard to ever imagine not still feeling like we are grieving

sm, thats awful, I get this too and its just horrible, the dr gave me stemetil, but I find I just have to wait for it to pass! you have my sympathy!

candykane, you sound like a lovely friend.

I've been given something, can't remember the name it begins with p. I find it works really well for a couple of hours but once it starts to wear off i have to lie down, have spent much of the week on the sofa. how are you doing?

I'm doing ok, thanks, just plodding on! hope it wears off for you soon, its an awful thing to have xx

Hope you are all having a good weekend despite the awful rain. It's depressing isn't it? Haven't been out at all today, just been really lazy. SM hope your foot soon heals . It's been going on for quite a while now hasn't it.
ssd badvoc T waterlego ( have to use normal name ) shabbs thinking of you all! not forgetting our latest poster candykane

Hello all, hoping your weekends are going ok. Not too much rain down here mummylin- we've had a few showers but lots of sunny spells too- and it was lovely and warm sitting in the sun.

supermario I hope the vertigo doesn't last too long- it sounds awful :(

candykane, thank you- that's so kind. You're right there's no time limit on grief- it's there forever. We don't get over it, but we do get used to it.

Raining here once again, I had just done the two graves when it started to pour down, looks like it's here for the evening now. We haven't had the heating on yet, but think we will tonight. Was trying to hang on a bit longer, but I hate being cold.

we've had the heating on for a couple of weeks now, but Scotland is cold!!

at least its dry here, I hung out the washing but it came back in very damp, waste of time, but I can live in hope!

hows the vertigo now sm?

I'm alright if I don't try to do anything up high or down low. went in a lift today and it totally Naffed me up! feel brighter myself but still abit shaky. how's things everyone?

glad you're doing a bit better, its just an awful thing to have.

thanks for asking after me, I am much better than I was Monday,I'm so bored with taking things easy but can tell I'm not quite recovered yet as have the odd really dizzy spell. how are things with you?

Had a busy weekend with no rain! I went to my mums today just to sit on their bed and feel closer to my dad (that's where he died). It worked, I did feel closer to him.
This weekend consisted of a CBeebies roadshow, bowling with my nephews, and visiting a friend who has many various animals and birds in their large back garden.
I am now going to do some Halloween crafts. I've never done this before but am throwing myself into things.
Vertigo is grim. Hopefully it will pass soon.

sounds like you have been busy candykane it's nice that you felt close to your dad at his house hope it gave you some moments of comfort. good luck with the crafts