Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

am doing ok sm, thanks for asking! I still have your little robin you sent me and I see my robin in my garden sometimes and I always think of mum x

I have mine up too I haven't made anything yet this year need to get cracking!

My little robin is in my tree box and will be in pride of place on my tree ! Isn't it lovely that we all have one ! It's like a secret club membership ! Very dull here today as per usual lately.

Haha i need to move myself and get started on some christmas stuff. Its pretty dull here too but im not venturing out i dont think. still dont feel sturdy enough on my own so going to wait till tomorrow when my sister and nan come with me. what are you all up too today

I ordered a very rude mug off a site I found on Friday afternoon, it has just been delivered, very pleased with the service ( and the mug ) it's for my brothers friend who is here every Friday and it's very relevant to a standing joke between all of us Friday breakfast group ! I can't post a pic on here because it's not the right thread to do it, but if you want to see it, I have posted a pic on the night owl thread, don't look if anyone will be offended ! I also already have all the things I bought in the boots 75% off sale in January. So I have quite a lot already.

I may go out to the bank as I need to put some money on my debit card if I am to do more online shopping ! Will see if I can be bothered . Otherwise not going to do much, must put the Hoover round though. What about you ?

ive bought so much stuff already but havent made any new decorations as im out of felt! keep finding things for the children but nothing for the grown ups though,its always the way. Ill go have a look at the mug im intrigued! Have spent a fortune from the couch this week whilst ive been ill! its so cold here though the wind is really cold so im staying put

Morning girls xx

I hate Xmas!!!

I asked at the nursing home is it ok to 'kidnap' Mum for a few hours to bring her to ours for her Xmas lunch. She is so excited about coming....my youngest son is frightened she wont remember him or what he is called and the saddest thing is there will be an empty chair round our table this year. I miss my Dad xxx

It's horrible isn't it shabbs always the empty chairs to constantly remind us. I'm sure your mum will love being at your home for a while and whilst she may forget being there, maybe at the time she will still be happy for a few hours.

I just heard that Radio 4 were going to do Under Milk Wood and my dad loved that so I turned to the phone to tell him. Ridiculous. It's been nearly 6 years. Wish I could though.

I think it's upsetting when things crop us to remind us if what we have lost. For me it is Downton Abbey. My mum loved this programme and it upset me as she missed the last two episodes the year that she died so unexpectedly.

strictly always reminds me of my mum, but it seems ages ago she seen it, it really feels like ages although its only been 2 years

the time goes in, doesnt it

My fabulous Mum died 3 weeks ago tomorrow after a bolt from the blue bastard brain tumour. We were holidaying in Cornwall at the beginning of May with her & my Dad??
I'm sure that things do get easier and time heals blah blah but right now I'm so fucking angry. I miss my lovely Mum so much and have no idea where to start processing the grief.
I've a fantastic husband who has been a beyond brilliant father to our 2 boys (2&3.5) whilst Dad and I held Mums hand over the months and god knows I've missed the three of them terribly (guiltily) but now I'm home full time I just want to sleep and hide. Of course I can't do this so i'm just a nasty, barky, snarly harridan permanently bursting into tears. Poor boys all 3.
I feel like a child instead of a nearly 40 year old woman sobbing everyday that I want my Mum back.
Needed to vent. Thanks x

Candykane sounds like we are in a very similar position. My Mum was a few years older at 69 but absolutely up for a long and busy life. Chin up

Hello always very sorry for the loss of your mum. It's awful isn't it. Your loss is very recent so I expect you are feeling very raw at the moment. It took me a long time to accept that mum wasn't going to pull up in her car and come in for a cup of tea anymore. Like you I was heartbroken and needed my mum, I still do and it is three years at the end of the month, I still think of that time with utter disbelief that she has gone. I don't know how I would of coped without the people on this thread at the time, but the time has passed and we have all chatted about our very similar feelings. It is so hard to move forward, but slowly ( very slowly ) we somehow do. You will have lots of bouts of the terrible gut wrenching sobbing, but gradually the times in between get longer. Speaking for myself I will never be the happy person I was before I lost her, but life does go on albeit a much sadder life. Always someone on here if you want to chat.
ssd it's horrible isn't it when these things are advertised on the tele starts us off thinking yet again

always, am very sorry for you loss.. losing your mum makes you feel like a little girl of ten who just wants to go home, doesnt it . its just heart wrenching..

mummylin, yes the tv reminds us doesnt it..

Always, my dad died 3 weeks ago tomorrow too. His cancer was diagnosed a year ago, and as you say, a bolt from the blue. He was a fit, healthy and active man, gave me away at my wedding just eighteen months ago, was at the hospital fourteen months ago to see his newborn granddaughter, nothing was wrong. And then bam, he gets a tummy ache which turns out to be advanced bowel cancer. And from that point it's been hell.
Even though we had a year to prepare, the shock is just as terrible. I still can't take it in. And we had to watch his pain and mental anguish for a whole year. It's traumatic.
Three days after he died I took my DD to nursery, went home intending to make myself a leisurely breakfast but felt asleep on the sofa for 7 solid hours. Luckily I woke up just as I had to set off to collect DD.
You do need sleep Always. I hope you get some soon.
I went back to work today, just for three hours. It was ok.

(((Always))) I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

Like yours (and others here), my parents were in their mid-60s and incredibly fit and active when they got cancer. Mum was ill for 9 months, Dad for 6 weeks. (His was a brain tumour.) All of your reactions sound incredibly normal. Don't try to look too far ahead for now- one foot in front of the other.

Always, I also meant to say: I know it feels awful to be snapping at your DH and boys- but they can withstand it- you'll all muddle through it, I promise. I have been very angry indeed at times, and at other times: uncommunicative, apathetic, uninterested in family life... Grief is shocking and devastating in its effects.

You know those marriage vows... 'for better for worse'? Well, grief fits the bill for 'worse'. (Even if I didn't really understand the full meaning when I spoke those words at my own wedding). Grief is one of the very worst times- it inevitably impacts on our personal relationships- but if the relationship is strong enough in the first place, it'll work out ok. My husband has been amazing and I hope that I will be able to support him in the same way when he loses his parents.

mummylin ssd candy wading
Thank you.
I know how lucky I was to have a friend as well as a Mum, we could talk about all the important stuff together and did right to the end - I look at so many of my girlfriends who have much more distant relationships with their Mums and wonder if the pain of grief will be less for them? I don't know if my relationship with my Mum was the norm or unusual but I remember thinking many times after her diagnosis that i would willingly trade every one of my friends for her.
My relationship with my husband is as solid as a rock, I just hate burdening him with the "worse" part of me. He has waterproof shoulders and rant proof ears, love him.
At the moment I'm just raging about all the vile, hateful people in the world who are alive and kicking and not a bit grateful and crumbling inside reliving holding my Mums hand and stroking her hair and telling her it was ok to leave us as she finally stopped breathing.
Yes, it's going to be a much sadder life from now on, I feel changed.

Sorry, self absorbed, forgive me - I too am very sorry for all of your losses

I feel changed too Always, and that's one of the things I find difficult to explain to people who haven't been through it. I'm just not the same, nothing is the same. There is a hole in the world where they used to be.

I remember, very shortly after my mum died, sitting in a cafe with my children and feeling an agonising pain at the sight of a woman of about my age sitting at a table with her mother. They were so nonchalant, so casual- as I once was when sitting in cafes with my mum. I had an overwhelming urge to go over and say: 'Treasure every second of this- this may feel ordinary but it is one of life's most precious things!' Those everyday moments of just being together are the times I miss the most.

It's great being able to come here and talk about this.
Always, my dad was my friend too. Wading, I felt a stab through my heart when introduced to someone's dad on Sunday.
I am glad I can talk about him here.
I haven't had the anger yet. I don't know how to feel. Still at disbelief in some ways.
Hugs to you all x

Your feelings sound familiar candy.

When I read about the five 'stages of grief', I didn't relate to it at first, because my interpretation was that grief could be expected to be neat and linear: First you'll feel disbelief, then you'll feel anger, then sadness..... But it hasn't been like that. I certainly have felt all of those emotions, and more besides, but they have not been predictable or linear at all. They're all jumbled up and come and go at random.

For ages, I wanted to tell anyone and everyone about my parents- I still do sometimes. I had such a strong urge to just go up to people in supermarkets and tell them that my mum and dad had died. In fact, I did tell strangers sometimes- checkout operators, charity collectors.... It was probably a strange thing to do and I hope I didn't make them feel uncomfortable but they were very nice to me, and I appreciated that. When something so utterly huge has happened in your life, and other people are just getting on with their lives in a very mundane way, it can be hard not to just shout it out loud in the street! It's about wanting our loss to be acknowledged, I suppose, and wanting others to know that the person who has died was really very special- they weren't just anybody! I'm sure we must all feel like that when we lost someone we love.

Good morning all.
The thing I felt most upset was when the world seemed to just be the same for everyone walking down the road, I wanted to scream to them " don't you know my mum has just died "
Also when I was in a shop and there was a mum and daughter shopping and I heard the daughter call out " mum " I was so hurt and envious.
I have found that things that used to make me happy, no longer do, I find it very hard to relax and find things funny anymore. I can never be happy 100% without my beloved mum.