I haven't posted in such a long time. But I've been busy, thinking of you, my little girl, because your daddy and I are working on MiaFest, the children's outdoor festival we are holding very soon in your honour. It is good to have your name on my lips, to have a positive excuse to talk about you, to think of you.
I am looking up more again, looking for your cloud kisses. I had somehow forgotten to look up.
The sweet peas I planted this summer, for you, my Sweet Pea, have been glorious, and their subtle scent has filled the bedroom many times with huge new bunches of blooms. And your Mamma Mia roses have been simply perfect, blossoming outside the back door, quietly, beautifully, for me to enjoy whenever I looked out.
Finn is just amazing. Adventurous, naughty, and very physical, with the cheekiest grin in the world. He runs everywhere. We have just started using the concept of the naughty step with him. He loves being around older children, and it makes me think just how he would adore having a big sister. He says your name quite clearly now. And when I was looking at some videos of you the other night, I was struck at how similar your features and expressions are, even if your colourings are completely different.
Cousin L turned 4 in June, and she loved the fairy door we sent her. I am always sad that she is missing the cousin bond that all the others share, without you.
Miasgrandad gave us all a huge scare a few weeks ago, as he had a little stroke. He has recovered very well, and has regained most of his speech and some of his movement in his right arm, but fully recovery is some months away yet. He still is himself though, with his quirky sense of humour intact. But the hours when we didn't know how serious it would be, while I waited after that first call, were so very scary. I felt so far away. It was good to see him on Skype as soon was practically possible. He is typing again, but slowly.
This last weekend was amazing, as the WoollyHugs team had an amazing auction and sale in your honour, to raise money for Mia's Wood. There was the most beautiful WoollyHug created in your name, a stunning mosaic, and over 170 lovingly-crafted woodland items on sale. It was just beautiful knowing that all these people had you in their minds as they made the items, and they bid on them. There was so much fun and humour. And then at the final moment, some crazy, wonderful friends won the bidding, and they have given the WoollyHug to us. It was intensely emotional, but incredibly positive as well.
So much love for you, my darling girl. From all over the world. I am so, so proud of you.
But I do miss you. So very much. Your daddy had a little cry the other night, wanting to share the experience of a starry night with you.
It is still bewildering and shocking, knowing that this horrible truth, and the unknown reasons of how it all happened, has to be accepted, as it can never be changed. I look at the videos of you, where you laugh, you are intensely interested, when you scream, and just wonder how it could all just have been stopped so very suddenly. That little life, those soft hands, all that love…
It is your birthday on Monday. Come and visit me in my dreams soon, darling girl, just so I know you are there.
Love, always love
Mummy xx