Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

Hello all

Hello to those who have sadly joined in the last few days. I'm so sorry you are here.

I'm here, I've read all the posts. Just wanted to say hello and one foot in front of the other (as Shabbs says)
xx

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx

Sat here with a heavy heart and my mind racing! Silly, very silly, I know but I can't remember what was Matts favourite food........think I have lost the plot. Just sat here trying to think what he liked to eat - all I can come up with is sweets and 'scabby fries' as he used to call them (scampy fries) LOL.

My eldest will ring me at lunchtime so I will ask him.

Isin't it silly what gets in your head?

We have just got back from our eldest's first sports day, the sadness in my heart was unbearable as they called all the preschoolers up for there race, Pippa would of loved that race....
We have however narrowed down a Xmas holiday destination, as I pointed out to my dh, I would rather be upset on a beach than at home this year.
I'm sure your eldest son will remember all his brothers favourite foods, are you making Matt a birthday cake for Monday?

Morning girls xx

Cathpip - isin't it crazy what gets in your thoughts? Eldest boy was stumped as well - he also said scabby fries and sweets Do remember that Matt used to say that he loved the scotch but not the egg LOL. He used to eat part of his food and give Dan what he didnt like!!

I know exactly what you mean about sports day......I also used to get like that when it was school photograph day...used to search through the class photo's for Matt - all the while knowing he wouldnt be there.

My youngest son, Tom, (nearly 17) asked if he could make a cake for his big brother. He said it will make him 'feel in the loop' - he never met his two older brothers. When he was about 3 he used to talk about them though and said he had met them in 'baby heaven' before he came down into my tummy!!!

Meant to say that the Xmas after Matts accident we went to Teneriffe for Xmas week - it was the best thing we could have done.

Morning girls....Happy 30th birthday to my precious Matt. Just smiling to myself at all his birthday messages on Facebook. Everybody remembers him as a nutcase who never stopped smiling - what a great way to be remembered. xxx

Thinking of you and your family today Shabbs, and how lovely that all Matt's friends have written messages xx

Thank you Kay.....the messages that have touched my heart are his school friends.....they (and us) havent seen Matt for 22 years but he must have made such an impression on them that they are commenting - mainly the boys (men) - his best school friend just put 'Happy Birthday Mate' which made me grin. Dont think that boys are always good at 'soppy stuff'.

Happy 30th birthday Matt, I hope the day passes with wonderful memories. Xx

Personally i've often found that while men don't show their emotions often, they do when it counts xx

Happy birthday Matt. How wonderful that you are remembered by all you knew. Take care of yourself Shabbs.

Morning girls xx

Hot sunshine already!!!

Morning girls - everybody OK? xx

Morning shabbs hope you're ok. Bit of a difficult day here as it's one of my son Brian's graduation from nursery parties this morning, and it's just one of the endless things we won't get to do for Ben, but we'll get through it like we do everything else.
Hope everyone is doing ok xx

Im ok thanks xx Just listening to Bob Geldoff talking to Lorraine Kelly - his words have made me cry. He talks about how grief and bereavement 'assault' his mind over and over again. So very true - we are all 'battle scarred' but together we can help each other xx

Thought I would say hello to all. I'm here just getting on with things at the moment. Thinking of each of you and hope you are managing.

Hi everybody. Hope you're all ok. I haven't had internet for a few weeks and have only managed to pop on briefly at a friend's house, so only lurked.

I've not been doing so well and have been particularly upset that some father (who I haven't "chatted" to before) posted something on my thread about his DS who died four years ago. He said something about how he thinks he's in a better place. I want to hit him hard! How can he say that? How can any place other than with their loving families be better? I am so angry and so upset. It's very hard to know what to say that's polite. Or am I over-reacting and being unreasonable? It is my thread after all.

Hi ladies,
feeling down so thought I'd come for a visit. Had a little look through since I was on last.
It'll be 8 weeks since we lost Sam this on Tuesday and exactly 2 months next Sunday (13th).
Since I last spoke to you, I've visited the doctor a numerous amount of times, trying various things to 'help' me and finally found a combined sleeping/AD that's rather strong but helps with my lack of sleep at least.
I've started to experience a lot of tension between myself and my husband and find it very difficult to talk to him about anything at the moment. I wondered if anyone else had experienced this?
The sunny weather seems to make me sadder, Sam would've loved it.
A big hug to you all x

And Lily, there is no better place than being here with us x

Samharrysmom hello, very sorry for the loss of Sam. There's been lots of tension between me and my husband at times since we lost Ben in April. Like you i found it extremely hard to speak to him, which i felt ironic tbh because surely he should have been the one person who understood more than anyone else around me? I felt that my husband was dealing with Ben's death a lot better than me, and i suppose i resented him a little because of that, but his reasoning was that because he'd seen many friends die in action (he was in the army for 6 years) he dealt with death in a different way.
In the end it came to a head and we had a full and frank talk one evening and i just blurted how i was feeling out, i probably could have handled it better but i was at my wits end. After we talked he confessed that he'd been trying to be the strong one for me because he didn't want me to relapse (i've had self-harm issues in the past). Maybe a full and frank talk with your husband would help?
xxx

Morning girls.

Tension and problems between spouses/partners after the loss of a child is very, very common. I think its because we all grieve in a different way. Talking is the only way to get your feelings out and sort them out. Listen to me - the one person who cant talk to her husband (of 36 years) about how she feels. We have argued countless times about our grief!

Love and hugs to all of you struggling with different aspects of grief. I think you are right about talking things through and Shabbs remains ever so wise. I'm sure there are times when the talk doesn't always get you the answers you want, however, I do hope it helps in some way.

Lily, I know what you mean about being here with us is the only place our loved ones should be. No other place is better. I do wonder if maybe that posters son was suffering enormously and he feels it is the release he needed. Without knowing the circumstances it is so hard to tell. It was an unusual post on yours I thought.

Good evening all. Could I ask you to raise a glass or a cup of char to my Charlie tonight? He would have been three years old today and was taken from me aged 11 and a half weeks by cot death.