Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

Order and lists and keeping busy are the way ahead for me. Every 10th of the month my personal roller-coaster is de-railed.

Hi, I haven't been here in a long time, I used to be minione. I just wanted to remember my angel Malachy who was born sleeping four years ago today. Nobody other than DH has mentioned him. I'm waiting to see if my mum rings and if she says anything but I doubt it. It seems to have hit me hard this year, I keep thinking how he would be starting school in September.

There's quite afew new names on here, I'll try to catch up properly, but I'm sorry you've also had to tread thus awful path. Love to you all x

Love to you tomfun...., it just doesn't seem to ease.

Morning girls xx

Hiya Tomfuns - thinking about you today. xx

Hi everybody. Hi Tomfuns. Haven't seen you here before as I'm relatively new to this thread. Sending you hugs. Seeing everybody else's children who are the same age as Malachy would be now must be so hard. I understand as I see Paddy's friends' pictures on FB all doing stuff that he should be doing with them.

I thought today was ok.... but no.

Hugs and all round I think.

Hi tomfuns I hope you were able to remember Malachy with some peace and I hope your Mum remembered.

Big hugs all round. The sunny weather helps and hinders in equal parts I find. It's nice to be out and I can be busy in my garden and allotment. But then so is everyone else and all the kids/teenagers are out too. I've just been invited to Will's leavers graduation ceremony to accept his record of achievement. All his mates will be there, about to leave and go off to university. It's going to be very, very hard but I know Will would want me too. Got three weeks to build up to it.

Thinking of all our children who should be here with us xxxx

Hi, thanks everyone. I've tried to catch up on the thread as I've been away for so long they're so many new names. My thoughts are with all of you, I'm sorry to hear of your losses. Sorry to hear about your dad Shabbs.

My mum didn't ring, I rang her last night and told her we'd been to the cemetery and she said 'I thought you might'. That was it. Then she laid a guilt trip on me about not seeing her, so I took Ruairi round there today. She's not very demonstrative of emotions, I know she would have remembered but I just wish she'd said something.

I looked through Malachy's memory box on Thursday night. Tens of cards and beautiful messages but I feel like he's just been forgotten by everyone. The World Cup being on isn't helping as he was born on the day of the first England game. I'm not a huge football fan but the World Cup used to mean going to the Pub and enjoying myself, now it just reminds me of the worst day of my life.

Morning girls xx

Missing my Dad today - bloody Fathers day!!!!

Hi Shabbs. Hope you manage to do something nice today. XX

Afternoon girls - just walked to Mums nursing home, visited for 90 minutes and then walked home again. Now sat here, a sweaty mess

Hope everyone is ok xx

Morning all. Lumbering along at the moment. One step at a time and sometimes five backwards before I right myself and start to go forward.

I have done a self referral to a bereavement support service, I broke down on the phone. But it's a step forward as I have been struggling and muddling along with far to many distressing visions of Pippa.

Great work cathpip. All my love to you. It's all so hard especially in the early days. I'm not sure when the early days stop as 5 years on and I still struggle - a little differently to the beginning but it remains hard.

Afternoon girls.xx

Well done cathpip - I hope you get the help you need xxxx

Hi everybody.

Well done cathpip. It's hard to ask for help and you've made a huge step just doing that.

I'm in France now for a few months and am only online sporadically at the moment because the bloody internet has gone down.

Hope to find some peace here.

Love to you all. XX

Hello all. My ds2 was born sleeping 9 weeks ago, and while i still have sad days, they're already seeming less and less, and it's bothering me. Has anybody else experienced this?? xx

Hello Kayleigh. I'm sorry to hear about your DS 2, would you like to share his name? after 9 weeks I remember having better days, I went to a music festival a couple of months after my son was born sleeping and I remember my friend telling me how amazing I was. I certainly didn't feel that way, but I was coping I guess. Be kind to yourself and don't rush yourself, there's no right or wrong way as to how you should be.

Hi all. My thoughts are with each of you. Tears today. It just seems harder today than other days. I wish I could just hold her again.

Thank you Tomfunsnumber1trolley, my son's name is Ben. I too have had friends tell me i'm amazing, and like you i really don't feel that way at all, but i do have 2 other children to look after.

Today should have been Dexters 2nd birthday. We should be having a party, cakes and presents, instead we visit our boys grave. It really doesn't get any easier

I'm looking for some advice, not medical more real life experience. I've been thinking lately maybe I need to take anti depressants and would like your feedback if you have or do use them. I cope pretty well on the surface, as most of us appear to, however, I feel empty and all the other emotions we all suffer with.

Do you find the anti-d's help you and if so how. I have a friend who said when she was on them it made her feel not completely connected to the world , I don't really want that. On another note once you are on them do you just stay on them or do you reach a time you can come off them.

Mojito100 i was put on anti-depressants years ago and didn't have a particularly good experience with them, and i felt they made me and my mood swings a whole lot worse. Saying that, i only tried the one antidepressant, and i've since been told that it can take time to find the right one for you. xx

Happy birthday Dexter.

Morning girls xx

Happy Birthday Dexter - sorry this is a day late.

Next Monday will be my Matts 30th birthday x

Hi everybody.

As lovely Mia's says "sad welcome" to kayleigh. So sorry about Ben.

Mojito - I've been on ADs for several months now. The ones I take are quite a low dose but they have a really good sedative effect, so I take one in the evening to help me go to sleep (and stay more or less knocked out). I was quite anti taking anything but I got around it by reasoning that if I have a foot injury I take painkillers and anti-inflammatories, so now that i have a head/brain/heart/soul injury I take ADs. Works for me. I think it helps to take a slight edge off the pain and grief and help me function a bit better.

Happy Birthday to Dexter. xx