Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

To 3 and shiney. The early days are just so hard. Shabbs is right in that it doesn't necessarijy get better but things do shift/change as time marches on.

Be gentle on your DH's they grieve so differently and are probably torn between how to grieve themselves and how to be there for you.

I think your periods stopping will be stress related. Mine didn't but I have found my emotional state varies greatly as the hormones race through my body. I get low as my period approaches and incredibly intolerant as well.

6 years later I started anti-d's and they have been a godsend for me and my boys. My youngest has significant behavioural issues with a lot tied to the loss of DD. I didn't reslise he was so in tune with my emotions and his outbursts aligned with my periods.

Care for yourselves as much as you can at this time.

I am the practical one, whereas dh is the emotional one. He sometimes doesn't know how to handle me just like I at times want to shout at him to man up. It's fair too say that their was a patch for about 3/4 months in our marriage although I knew we were fine it was however hard going and dh tested me to my limit with some classics such as "I'm grieving for Pippa more because she loved me most and I don't see you cry", well no dear because your asleep snoring when I'm crying.........I had to bite my tongue a lot and counselling has helped him no end and made him realise that we all grieve differently, but we are coming through it and our marriage is stronger than ever.

A year ago today my precious, brave, loving Dad died. I was with him when he passed (he had oral cancer) - it feels worse today than it has done all year. He has certainly sent the sunshine - his favourite thing - yesterday we had the heating on and it was freezing and today everybody is out walking without their coats!!

I like to think that he is with my sons and then I doubt my mental health state!!! Hope he is - they have a lot of 'catching up' to do. Do I believe in a God or in a heaven? I dont know.

Oh shabbs. Is it really a year already? Sending you a big hug and much love XXX

Oh Shabbs I hope the sunshine has given you some comfort. Thinking of you today. I am sure your father and your boys are together.

Thinking of you today Shabbs.

it is crazy how people deal so differently with grief isn't it. My ds had a neurodegenerative condition before he died. My Dh and I both dealt with that so differently and then his death too. It's crazy how at times you can be in parallel universes in the same situations. he threw himself into work and let me deal with a lot. It's 6 months now since my little boy diedand there's so much we have to let go of in so many respects. Everything seems so fragile.

Sorry to just pop up. I lurk but sometimes it's hard to find the words to post. Thank you all for sharing though. It does help to not be alone.

Neverending, I'm new here too, welcome. I'm glad you found the words to post this time. I am finding the support I am getting from these lovely ladies so beneficial. I guess it is just nice to know that I am not alone and actually the things I am feeling, and getting myself into a state about, are all things that some of them have felt too. I hope that even if you can't find the words again in the future just knowing that we are all here will help.
Thinking of you and your DS x
Shabbs hoping today will be an easier one for you.
To the rest of you lovely ladies wishing you peace, strength and happy memories.
I'm taking the children horse riding today. I took them once when they were little and they have been begging me over the past few months to take them again. I couldn't with me being pregnant, and didn't think it would be something I would be able to do for a long time after my baby was born. Now, I can, so I am going to and my big aim of the day is not to feel guilty about it. My baby has horses behind her grave, so I am kind of hoping she would approve. All little girls love horses right?

Shabbs. I can't believe a year has hone by already. Thinking of you.

I can't bring myself to unpack my ds's bag after coming home from the hospice and his room is still full of his things, just without him in it. Drawers still full of clothes and teddies on his bed. Months have passed.

Never ending - you can only Do what feels right at the time and it must not be that time at the moment.

Oh Neverending leave them all until the day that you feel ready. Be kind to yourself and don't rush. I know it is nowhere near the same but my hospital bag, from having my baby daughter, who died, is still there packed next to the piano. There are things in there, pregnancy clothes, nursing bras, nappies etc that I just cannot face. I can't even face picking it up and hiding it away, it is just too raw still. On Thursday it will have been 4 weeks. I know one day I will be able to, just not quite yet.

Shiney, I hope your first day alone with dc's went well. My sad book arrived too. Never mind the children I found it useful! Very honest and explained being sad perfectly.
Dc's loved the horse riding they have not stopped talking about it since. They got to groom and muck out too so it was very hands on for them and lovely just to have that connection with the horses. I think horses are very in tune with emotions. We might make it a more regular thing. Thanks for remembering x

Shiney - I know what you mean... I had the calls about medical equipment for ds after he died.. Too many surreal conversations in a factual way. Again part of a parrelell universe.

Thank you for sharing... What you said really resonated... I was the one caring full time for ds. A year before he died, we'd been told of a bleak outlook and the inevitable but his deterioration was yet to begin. I remember knowing I was in denial about the situation, a mixture of not wanting to acknowledge something was very very wrong but not being able to comprehend what was coming.

3 so glad the horse riding went well. We have to savour the nice moments. All a bit bittersweet when they happen. Moments with my dd keep me going, when she is happy it makes me smile and that does help.

3 your hospital bag is the same... Sending you lots of love. It's all things just too painful to deal with

It's all just such a hideous mix of conflicting emotions Shiney. Please be gentle with yourself and don't try and take on too much.

It's all just so completely shitty and wrong.

Sending love to you all. XXX

Oh Shiney it is so much to adjust to and get your head around. I hope today is a better day for you. Thinking of you and sending you all a virtual hug x

Shiney, I know what you mean about feeling like your purpose has gone. My Dh went to work so had that normal too.. It's that horrible big empty space that's left where are little ones were. The thing is we did everything and beyond for them. I'm sure you did everything in your power and more. Please don't doubt yourself. As a parent we probably think we've never done enough for our children.

As odd as it sounds I miss the team who cared for my ds, we always had house -full, lots of visits... In a way they were my friends...

I've gone back to work now, but it all seems pointless, like going through the motions and a giant emptiness. And it's what I did before and in the same place and reminds me my ds has gone.

Sending loads of love, hope today was better. It's just all really really shite isn't it..

I'm struggling so much, in 38 minute, exactly four weeks ago, I pushed my baby girl into the world. Time is moving too fast and too slow all at the same time I just want to hold my baby. Why when I have flashbacks is it never of her?

Sending hugs 3. Xxxx