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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

973 replies

shabbs · 13/04/2014 13:49

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

OP posts:
Mojito100 · 20/02/2015 11:57

You are certainly not moaning and in fact you never do. You are allowed to feel how you do considering the rock your parents have been to you and like us missing our children just never truly goes away.

Life is just so fragile and so precious and so many just don't understand this.

Take care of yourself. Maybe a dose of your grandson is what you need. Kids certainly make you live in the moment.

Thinking if you and sending virtual hugs while I uncork the first of the wine bottles I have brought and shove the dog over so I can squeeze on the settee.

cathpip · 21/02/2015 07:11

shabbs there are few people who rarely moan and you are one of them, you have been an absolute saviour to me along with other ladies on this thread, you are always here when needed. I lost my mum over two years ago and miss the support I know she would of given me but then also I'm glad as I know Pippa isn't alone where ever she is. Cancer and Alzheimer's are shit and never a way for a life to end, thinking of you. Xx

LilyTheSavage · 21/02/2015 07:46

Here's another one thinking that you are absolutely not a moaner. Talk about it all you like. We're here for you as you have been for us.

Thanks
Original poster
shabbs · 21/02/2015 21:29

Thank you all so much for your support. Im tired of life at the moment - dont mean that to sound so dramatic just everything seems bloody hard work. Money is so tight that it occupies my every waking (and sleeping) moment. We are making it through to next benefits payment - just!! I am waking myself up grinding my teeth. Falling asleep instantly but feel like I am falling through a black deep hole. Waking up hours before my alarm goes off. etc etc etc. All the weird feelings and emotions that sadly accompany bereavement.

I know it will be OK - I know it wont always feel like this - just hard right now.

I do take great comfort that my Dad is with my boys - dont know if I believe in Heaven but I do believe that we go to a place where we can be with our loved ones who have also died. xx

OP posts:
Mojito100 · 22/02/2015 15:01

Shabbs - you definitely need one or two of these to help ease the stress. My shout. WineWine

Take care of yourself as you are remarkable.

Original poster
shabbs · 22/02/2015 16:12

xxxxxx

OP posts:
Mouseface · 22/02/2015 23:49

Mwahs to you all. Be back soon to update on life, love and laundry. xxx

Original poster
shabbs · 23/02/2015 00:20

MOUSE............bloody hell where did you spring from LOL - Hiya love. xxx

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Original poster
shabbs · 23/02/2015 07:10

Morning girls xx

OP posts:
LilyTheSavage · 23/02/2015 07:44

Mojito and Mouse. You made me laugh. Wine Wine Wine all around I think.

Hope you're feeling a bit more shiny today Shabbs.

cathpip · 23/02/2015 10:37

Everyone needs a mouse in their life :). Morning everyone, I am just going to spill and sorry if I upset anyone I really don't mean too, but I'm still confused, happy (not over the moon though)but confused about my situation. I'm pregnant..........

Mojito100 · 23/02/2015 12:16

Well firstly cathpip congratulations. I can imagine that going forward you will always have a level of confusion.

I think it's wonderful news for you and just remember we are all here for you. Your love for Pippa will always be there as will your grief. It's ok to be all mixed up.

Flowers for you and cake because you're sneakily eating for 2 (well that was my excuse) Cake

LilyTheSavage · 23/02/2015 15:51

Wonderful news cathpip. Congratulations. Cake and Brew and hugs. xx

Original poster
shabbs · 24/02/2015 08:06

Morning girls xx

Congratulations Cathpip. I understand your feelings so much. Gareth died late July, 1982 and Matt was born in June, 1984. I remember being so shocked that I was pregnant and could not get my head around it at all. In hindsight Matt was the best thing that happened after that awful time.

Sending my love to you and remember we are all here to share our experiences with you and try to help. xxx

OP posts:
Mojito100 · 26/02/2015 12:32

Morning all. Hope things are ok where you are. We are seeing the last of summer here where it was 24 degrees Celsius at 7am this morning. The summer is beautiful but we need some rain.

Things ok my end. Had the most bizarre conversation today where people were talking about daughters going to school balls and the hullabaloo that goes with it. A lovely lady next to me said how lucky I was not to have that worry. She really didn't mesn any harm by the comment but knows I had a daughter. She was thinking in relation to my boys and how they don't generally go to as much effort.

For some reason today it didn't cut me to the quick but I'm sure if it was even just a couple of days ago it could have been so different. Grief really is the most bizarre rollercoaster ride of all. Maybe tomorrow it will hit me.

LilyTheSavage · 26/02/2015 23:27

"Shut up idiot" tends not to go down very well.... but how much did you want to say it? This is such an extraordinary roller coaster that we're on.

Today hasn't been good. I got stopped by the traffic lights in the village on my way to tend to Paddy's grave, and it was right beside the bridge where he fell and drowned. I sat in my car at the red lights and cried and cried. Then when I got to the churchyard I found that one of my wreaths/garlands had been stolen. (The wardens don't touch flowers on graves). It didn't occur to me until after I'd left that this has happened before. A beautiful wreath that I'd left for his first anniversary disappeared.

How can people behave like that?

Mojito100 · 27/02/2015 10:46

Shabbs - let me know if you need more WineSmile. Hope things have settled a bit.

Original poster
shabbs · 27/02/2015 16:06

Lily - there is a cemetry close to our house (not where my boys are) at least once a month things are stolen from the grave. One or two of the headstones have also been knocked over and broken. I dont know what kind of 'human being' would do that. I suspect a total malaker (brilliant Greek swear word.)

Mojito thanks for the drink Smile..... I will not punch my brother in the face....I will not punch my brother in the face.....Oh sod it.....I will do my best not to punch him but I cant promise anything lol.

Cocky, arrogant git - he has 'short man' syndrome.

OP posts:
LilyTheSavage · 27/02/2015 19:51

Wine needed.

Shabbs your brother sounds as if he needs a good big fall wallop telling off.

chipmonkey · 27/02/2015 20:44

Shabs, if I win the lottery, I will buy you a house in Greece, how about that? Grin I'm so sorry things are so shit for you at the moment xx

Original poster
shabbs · 28/02/2015 01:21

Oh my word...to live in Greece. That would be my dream come true. Love the Greek people - honest, opinionated, funny, loving. One day, my friends, one day.

STUFF is rubbish here at the moment. We will survive......WE WILL SURVIVE.

Had the most massive long panic attack ever, in the history of the world, today just in our local shopping centre. Everybody seemed to walking into me. I knew they were not walking into me but if felt like that was happening.

I will be fine, I WILL be fine....I know I will. For now it is bloody hard work. But I know everything will be OK. xxxx

OP posts:
Mojito100 · 28/02/2015 04:02

Sending you hugs Shabbs. You are right that it will be fine but it's bloody hard going at times that is for sure.

I'm sure we enjoy the ups of life more because we have suffered the downs but who the hell needs the downs. They can be damn hard to get through.

Original poster
shabbs · 02/03/2015 08:43

Morning girls xx

Hailstone, snow, thunder and lightning here. Truly horrible.

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Mojito100 · 02/03/2015 12:03

I love thunder storms so wish I was there with you. Hot weather remains here.

LilyTheSavage · 03/03/2015 09:27

Lovely spring sunshine here. Can almost believe that it's round the corner. Bright sunshine but sometimes rain with it. Very odd but much less oppressive than the dark cloudy days. Lifts my spirits a little and means I can go outside and work in the garden with the dogs to help which is always good.

Hope everybody else is feeling peaceful.