Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

It will be good to talk mouse, am utterly pissed off with dad. I know he's in Australia touring and visiting my brother but I have had no acknowledgement of Pippas birthday, oh and was missed off the round robin email to friends and family. Am just very disappointed in him, as we phone him on mums birthday. :(
Morning everybody, mohito I hope your sons birthday went well and that the noise level was just what was required!

I'm so sorry your less-than-DF failed to acknowledge Pippa's birthday. The utter shitefulness of some of our relatives never ceases to amaze me. My ILs in particular have been rubbish and their lack of support for my DH is mind-blowing. It does hurt though.

Hope your DS1's birthday went well Mojito and that the noise was a good distraction.

Keeping busy and active today which helps to distract.

Hugs to you all.

Hugs to you all. I had to go away for a few days so haven't been reading posts. Feeling quite heavy hearted today but hoping being back home will help soothe on some way.

Morning girls xx

Morning all.

Shabbs I was just thinking about you and hoping things have sorted themselves out with your mum. I loved hearing you talk about your dad so don't forget to share with us - if you want to - more stories of him.

Mum seems 'sorted' where she is and as settled as she possibly could be.

I dreamt (for the first time) about my parents last night. It was Mum who was very poorly and Dad was struggling to care for her. I was trying to find them somewhere to live - a care home. I found them a really lovely sailing boat (LOL - my Dad was fascinated by sailing and the sea in general) - when they got on board the boat sunk and I had to rescue them both. Through the entire dream my Dad wouldn't look at me or talk to me. I woke up so upset. I never remember dreams but it was so real that I felt I could touch them both.

Its been 10 months since he died and the longing to be with him for just another hour is a little overwhelming.

Will have to give myself a 'kick up the bum' and get on with it - whatever IT actually is xxx

Morning everybody.
Just checking in to say hello.
Your dream sounds frustrating as well as upsetting shabbs. Those really real dreams leave me disorientated and confused. I wish I could dream about Paddy, but I never do. You don't need anything kicking at all. You always tell us to be gentle with ourselves..... Look after yourself.

The spring-like weather we've had here for a few days lifted my spirits a little. Long may it last (but I'm not holding my breath).

This was sent to me by a kind friend. It's thought provoking and interesting and touched a chord with me.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b051s0ff

A question for you all - for those that have animals do they sense your mood and soothe you when you are sad.

The last few times I have had some tears (not the wracking sobs kind) one of my beautiful dogs has come to snuggle and it felt like he was telling me how much he loved me. That may found daft but I just wondered if this happened with any of you.

I have two dogs and I'm not sure if they do. I sometimes feel that my border terrier (15 months old and acquired just after Paddy died) is very much Paddy in dog form. A very good friend thought so too.

I do find it comforting having the dogs around though. I think that anything that comforts has got to be good.

Morning girls xx

We had a beautiful Golden Retriever for over 20 years. She was gentle and kind with the children. When Gareth died she wandered around for a few days and sniffed at me and licked me. But - oh my word - when Matt died......she howled for hours, lay across Dan, and mourned the loss of her 'little master.' On the day of his funeral she lay at the front door and growled at anybody who dared to try and come in the house - she never growled at people normally.

She only lived 6 months after Matt. In those 6 months she wandered all around our estate looking for him. I have never seen an animal so sad.

xxx

Morning all.

Hi everybody. How're you all managing?

Time for I've been feeling a bit brighter yesterday and today.

That has made me cry shabbs, she sounds a lovely dog. My two dogs just know there is a gap, they never pester for attention but they are so protective of the boys.
Am exhausted at the moment, Elliott has tonsillitis so dh has been relegated to the spare room whilst Elliott is in with me. His high temp came on so suddenly and utterly freaked me out, he's perking up a lot now the antibiotics are kicking in, but I have not slept properly in two nights. It doesn't help that he wriggles a lot in his sleep, but he is the most wonderfully snugly bed partner, as is his brother and long may it continue :)

Hi to all. Bit flat today and feeling empty. I just can't seem to recharge and get on with things. It's like trying to climb an impossible mountain - 3 steps forward and 5 backwards.

Hi mojito, I hope the flatness has lifted a little xx

I had a shiny day today Jenmac. I did a bit of gardening early before it got too hot, cooked eggs for the kids for breakfast then sat in my chair and raised my coffee cup as planned. It was a peaceful start to the day.

Ds1 and I headed off to a movie mid morning which we both enjoyed but it was just lovely spending one on one time together and the rest of the day has been lazy. So not feeling flat like yesterday and feel like I managed to recharge my batteries.

I'm so glad you've had a shiny day (and I love how you and jenmac have adopted my shiny adjective). It's good to have your batteries feeling recharged. I've got laundry out on the line and am going to take the dogs for a good long wearing-them-out walk in the sunshine.

Hope everybody else is feeling ok today.

Morning girls xx Hope everybody is OK xx

Not to bad. Counting down until the end of February as this has a lot of remember days in it and always feels like trudging through treacle. Keeping on going and using the mask but also taking time for myself to just have some alone time to recharge.

Hope everyone else is managing especially as you have all had a true winter this year. Which can sometimes get you down nomally let alone when you've lost a child(ren).

It remains hot where I am but slowly the days are getting shorter.

And the days are getting longer here. I am so aware of the movement of the season at the moment. I am longing for spring and the feeling of freshness and new life and hoping that it might bring with it a lifting of this weight in my heart.

Sending love.

Morning girls xx

I am sat in my living room...telly on quietly....curtains closed and the dog fast asleep next to me - on the settee (that she is not allowed on.)

Have been up since before 6am. Sat here feeling sorry for myself. Wishing I could win the lottery so we could get back to Greece this year. Pathetic really - I know.

Maybe we will get a hot Summer xx

I hope good fortune shines down on you Shabbs. You deserve it and I'm sure Greece is just what you need after the loss of your dad last year.

shabbs

I sadly know this is normal.....but, this thread is the only place I can talk about it. I dont know what to do without my Dad. I dont know what to do about the fact that my Mums Alzheimers is marching on and I cant stop it. I feel constantly exhausted and sad because I cant change anything. My God I am so angry with cancer and Alzheimers. Not fair is it? Not fair that my precious parents get these illnesses. My parents who supported me 1000000 per cent. My boys see their Grandparents as their second parents.

Sorry to moan on and on - just struggling at the moment. While all the time missing my boys as well. The whole situation reminds me how fragile life is and makes me question my own mortality xxx