Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

Oh Mojito - I am so jealous. I hate Winter....especially up here in Lancashire. Is freezing cold and has rained all day - dark grey skies etc etc. Keeps hailstoning now.

Hi everybody. Hope you're all feeling peaceful and calm.

It's cold and frosty here in Brittany. Lots to do outside though. I'm trying to keep busy.

Morning girls xx

I'm contemplating going back to work after my ds died - I've got to... Such mixed emotions... Would like to stagger a return but still seems totally overwhelming...

Morning girls xx

Neverending - I went back to work two days after DS3's funeral. I had to because we were broke! I worked in a cafe at the time so there was a lot of contact with customers - it was so hard.....

It is hard to return to work no matter how long since your loved one passed. Shabbs - you are amazing. I get you had to do it but your resilience at being able to get up and keep going is amazing.

No not amazing love - think I inherited my lovely Dads stubborness - must admit that I often 'cave in' when I have done something that I dont want to do. Sat with my best friend last night and she mentioned my Dad and I just snotty cried all over her!! It came from nowhere and from deep inside my soul. We ended up laughing together.....she is a wonderful, true friend.

Hi everybody. I was sent the link to this article by a friend and I think that the author gets it just right.
opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/10/getting-grief-right/?smprod=nytcore-ipad&smid=nytcore-ipad-share

I totally agree lily. This made me cry x

Oh such true words....the 'third stage' made me sob. When it feels like the rest of the world has 'moved on.' To me it felt like I was swimming in treacle.

That article sums it up exactly. The third stage is horrible as you can't ever "move" on but others do.

Exactly!

I knew you'd all understand. I can't even say that I'm at any particular stage. It changes from moment to moment.... not even from day to day.

Sending hugs to you all.

(I am without a UK mobile at the moment so I'm sorry if anybody's texted me and hasn't received a reply).

Hello all. Hope the cold and the wet and wind aren't affecting you all too badly. We have had some flooding here, but have mercifully avoided the more serious weather so far.

I was with my eldest niece on the weekend, and while still only 8, she remembers Mia quite well. She drew me a picture of me, MrMia, a red-headed girl, and a smaller dark-haired boy, with all our names above our heads. She titled it "MiasMummy's ideal family." Absolutely true.

Thank you for the link, Lily. It helps (a bit) knowing that others struggle to articulate the "absoluteness" (is that a word?) of grief. It's not a process, it just is. I've given up trying to behave like I "should" but that sometimes makes it hard to make/keep friends, even family members. I wish it were different, but I can't bring my son back, just keep him in our lives as much as we can. Sorry for rambling.

Morning all.

I have been at a family wedding, I was doing so well, then the first dance came on and I crumbled, the tears, the big silent rolling ones would just not stop. No one really noticed and I managed to leave the room quietly or so I thought till the bride came and found me and wrapped me up in a huge hug, I feel awful, but the realisation that I will never see my daughter in a wedding dress just hit me like a steam train. It has left me physically and emotionally exhausted.

Thank you for the link, it's really good. I get the big silent rolling tears too, they just keep coming. Thank you everyone, it's so nice to have a place to be normal.

Morning girls xx

Cathpip - I feel for you, have been in that sort of position many times. Family gatherings for whatever occasion are often so hard. My worst was Matthews primary school girlfriends engagement party. He loved her with a passion and talked about her constantly even though they were only about 7 - after he died I saw her every day because my eldest son went to the same primary. The years passed but we often saw each other.

Then I got a FBook message inviting us to her engagement party. I remember walking through the doors of the venue and seeing all Matts classmates. Then when she walked in with her fiance I wanted to hit him!!! Wanted to scream that it wasnt fair. Was one of the longest nights of my life xxx

I don't know if she reads this thread but it's MrsDeVere's dd's birthday today and I was just thinking of her. If anyone knows her on here, could you pass on my thoughts. Thanks.

Morning girls xx

Longtime - I dont know if she still reads this thread but I will message her on facebook for you. Sorry its a day late - blame it on a 6 month old puppy who thinks she is one of my children

Hi everybody.

cathpip and shabbs - it's so hard seeing everybody else just carrying on with their lives as if nothing has happened.

Happy birthday to MrsDeVere's dc's birthday. Not an easy day at all for her.

I've had a very difficult few days. Just as usual, very up and down. When Paddy died we couldn't donate his organs as he'd been dead for too long by the time he was found, but we were able to donate his heart valves. They took all the valves which we were told were excellent quality and would be used for life saving surgery for children or babies. We were really happy to think that there was going to be a part of Paddy still running around.

I have tried to contact the organ donor registration service to find out if they've been used, but haven't got any answers yet. I'd just like to know. What I'd really like would be to be able to contact the families and tell them about Paddy and how lucky they are to have a part of my boy. (Probably won't be able to do that but might be allowed to send a letter).

Has anybody else been in this situation?

It's very hard.

Lily have just replied on the other thread. I simply went onto fbook - found the organ donor fbook page and private messaged. They replied quickly to me. Took all the details - dates etc. Then they emailed me about 2 weeks later with their findings. As to meeting with parents - or writing to them etc I haven't got a clue if that is possible but it is certainly worth asking.

xxxx

Thank you very much shabbs. I was just about to message you to ask how you did it. I've been talking to the donor register people this afternoon. I would just like to know.

That other thread has stirred up a lot of emotion and pain.

Thanks to your precious Paddy - people like my Gareth would have had a chance for life - One of his heart valves was not working very well (if at all) - and that was besides other problems.

I know its a hard thread to contribute to and to read but I like to tell my boys story and to try and make people realise how amazing organ donors are xxxx Give Facebook Organ donors a try xxx

Thank you for your sweet words shabbs. Made me cry again. xxx