Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

I know just what you mean Louster. There just really don't seem to be the right words to wish everyone the best that can be for each of us at this and other challenging times. I hope you have made it through.

Thank you to everyone for all the support. It's so comforting to have somewhere to come with so much understanding. I don't think I realised how hard this time of year would be but it is. I'm dreading the next few days, I've got to spend the next few days with the family including the people who let me down the most, there's just no way I can get out of it. My other half is so forgiving and just says it's the way they are, and my dd. is looking forward to seeing cousins. I haven't got the energy not to go along with it all. Think I may hide away with a book and say I have a headache. Either way am dreading the social niceties with the oxygen thieves.. Not sure how to handle this one.

Morning girls xx

Its my twin boys 33rd birthday today - how the hell did that happen? I am very lucky that I have my 6 year old grandson on a sleep over - kind of helps to take my mind off things. Missing you just as much as ever Gareth - but so proud of the fight you put up to stay with us. Hope you are causing havoc in heaven with little brother Matt and Grandad xxxxx

Happy birthday to both of your boys Shabbs.

Mojito100, if by 'got through it' you meant did I have an ample supply of wine and spirits then yes, I got through it ... As with everyone probably, waking up on Christmas morning and knowing that Louis wouldn't be there to open his presents, well that was hard! New Year's Eve will bring another set of emotions. Last year we went to bed at 10pm - nothing to celebrate, but this year I've invited people over although I'm not actually sure why! At least I know I can take myself off to bed if I want to. I've only invited people that have been good to us (except for one friend that I hadn't known what she was saying about me until after my invite, but we'll see how that goes).

Neverending ... I've got to a stage in my life where I think 'bollocks to everyone'. I'm not nasty about it but I do think that, if people can't be nice to us now and can't understand how we feel, then why do we pussyfoot around trying to make them THEM feel comfortable and happy. Just go with what you feel, if anyone frowns upon it then tough. You shouldn't care, you shouldn't have to. People that let you down just aren't worth it.

Shabbs, happy birthday to your boys, im sure they're creating havoc, I can just imagine it ! Best wishes for a 'happy' New Year xx

And for everyone else on here that are missing their babies, best wishes too xx

Hi everybody.

I think what Louster said about nothing seems right to say is just spot on. Happy Christmas? How can it be happy? Happy New Year? I don't really think so. Maybe one day.... but not yet. Having said that, we had a nice time on Christmas Day with my DCuz but I miss Paddy so much. I am a damn good actress though.

I have decided to cut the toxic people out of my life. Those who couldn't be bothered with us at the most terrible part of our lives can just fuck right off. What will you do Louster about the "friend" who's been talking about you?

shabbs Happy Birthday to your boys.

neverending - hope you're hanging in there and being kind to yourself.

Everybody else - just hello and hugs. XX

Afternoon girls xx

Wishing you all a peaceful new year with some laughter, love and joy in it that balances out the sadness and loss we endure.

I hope your masks are holding up. It may be time for a craft day where we all sit (in cyber space), chat over coffee and create our new ones for 2015. I think a range of expressions is just what we each need.

Thinking of you all and wishing you a peaceful 2015.

Hi all,

Jenmac, my mum told me about something she was grieving just a few days ago (not to do with our son). It didn't exactly hurt me but I couldn't quite take it in either. I felt a little confused actually. On one hand I felt what the hell - how dare you share your sadness with me right now, and one the other - I thought well at least I'm not the only one in my world grieving. I tried to be there for her but maybe it was a bit half hearted. I definitely can't handle my mother-in-law who is so self centered in her grieving for our son that she will allow for my husband to comfort her. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive her for that. I can't take my parents grieving for our son either but they know and respect that. Luckily they have each other to lean on.

Louster, let us know how the party went! My husband and I have accepted an invitation to a friend's house tonight and right now I have no idea why we did. I'm terrified of leaving the house as it is and I've only seen a handful of friends and coworkers since our son died. I've no idea how I will be acting/feeling around total strangers. Your invite list sounds lovely. We did something similar on Xmas day with family and old friends who really have been there for us and it was good.

We celebrated Xmas eve with new friends and at the dinner table our host proposed a toast to all of us around the table and also to those who aren't with us anymore. It was so great and sad and beautiful and horrible at the same time. I'm happy he didn't try to pretend our grief wasn't there and it was so much easier to get through the evening once our sorrow had been acknowledged.

I think I wrote this once here before, but so many things are confusing to me now. I feel conflicted all the time and I don't know anymore which leg to stand on. Being decisive used to be a great skill of mine and now I can't even decide what to make for dinner.

Lily I agree with you 100%. I have re-evaluated my friendships with so many of our so called friends. Some have just disappeared and others I'm trying to cut loose. Some people that I never expected to step up are now close friends whereas before they were mere acquaintances. Grief lands differently on everyone, but I can't deal at all with anyone who abandoned us when we needed them the most nor those who pretend as if nothing's different.

Wishing you all a peaceful new year. I will be glad to say goodbye to 2014.

Xxa

My thoughts are with each and every one of you as we go into a new year. I find New Years Eve much harder than Christmas to be honest.

Will be lighting a candle later on to honour our precious children - who are all loved and missed every day. Take care everybody.

Much love,
Shabbs xxxxx

Happy new year everyone, it can't possibly be worse than this year. Thinking of everyone. Xxx

It's lovely to see you back Triumph. Losing the plot is part of it and I'm pleased to hear you have been getting help. To all others who may be lurking I'm thinking of you often.

Morning girls xx

Decorations/Tree are down.....our new 6 month old puppy helped Have now run out of energy to carry on cleaning LOL. Hubby is still in bed and the box for the tree is in our room - so I am making that the perfect excuse to sit watching Jezzer Kyle!!!!

Didn't do too bad with Xmas/New Year - but what seems like a million years have passed since I lost my precious sons - I have been very tired constantly though. Hope everybody is doing OK xxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning everyone,

Thinking of you all and feeling incredibly grateful I have you guys to talk to. Hoping you are alright.

I responded to a friends baby shower invite yesterday saying I just can't face it. She's having a baby boy ?? She was sweet and said she's happy I was honest about it. Something about her response annoyed me, I don't know why. Maybe subconsciously I thought she shouldn't have invited me in the first place. It's only 4 months since our baby died.

Pissing it down here today. Just about to start cooking for a close friend who will celebrate her birthday at our house tonight. She has no kids and is still single so there will be no baby talk.

Xxa

I've been thinking of you all.

I had a house full of kids yesterday which I really love as it reminds me of all that is good with the world when I hear them laughing, playing and just generally being noisy. It also reminds me of my beautiful DD who should be here as she would be in the thick of it for sure but also why I get up and go on each day. It brings me happy memories of my DD and our times together.

We have sunshine where I am so I hope you are all coping with the cold/wet and looking after yourselves.

Morning girls xx

Tom finally back at college today - has been a long holiday. I have been awake for about 3 hours!!! No idea why because I am so tired.

Sat here with the dog - she also thinks I have lost the plot getting up so early

Bad day, was always going to be, I hate the first day back at school after the holidays. It's such a long lonely walk back to the car with just Elliott and then a very long day till 3.30pm.

for you cathpip. Morning all.

Hiya girls - hope everyone is OK xxxx

Moning girls.

Scary weather here!! Hope everybody is OK - whatever the hell OK is!!

Just getting on with things here. Hot weather down under so I'm making the most of it. Took the kids to a beautiful play in the park with cousins which was a lovely way to spend a Saturday sfternoon.