Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

Morning.

Morning girls...very quiet on here. Everybody OK? xxxx

All good my end. I thought it was quiet too.

Had an emotionally draining day today as had to recount the story of how DD passed away to another psych. It is all for the right reasons but naturally brings up all those emotions I tend to bottle up. By the end of today I was so drained it felt like I had worked a full week.

Fresh start tomorrow. Hope everyone is managing as best they can.

Hard week here, dh has entered the London marathon and is running for charity, all the lovely comments with the donations have made me very tearful, Pippa did love running, even though she was always in the buggy shouting at me to run faster! Also had our wedding anniversary yesterday, felt very odd celebrating without her. And we made a start on the boys xmas shopping, it's heart breaking walking past the girls stuff...... Hope everyone else is ok.

Christmas will be tough cathpip. It still is for me.

Hello, people
Venturing back in after banning myself from MN for a while. How are you all?

I don't want Christmas to come this year.... I was looking at the cards to today, they have so man nice cards for children, even for twins and triplets... something I had never noticed before. Maybe it's because of last year and my Mum passing.

Looking at the 'To Our Darling Mother and Father' cards was just as hard, only getting a card for my Dad and Grandad for the children. My tears luckily were hidden by some yawning.

I hate all the toys, nice little nik-naks that are in the shops, the beautiful books, wooden gifts. I know that the boys would be older than Nemo, they'd be 8/9 but there would be three of them.....

And they'd be here and safe, alive. It's almost time for DH to put their Christmas lights on their tree in the garden. :(

So many babies and bumps around at the moment. My hormentals are going crazy. I want a baby but my last period was 148 days from the last so the early menopause is a deffo for me.

cathpip - saw some gorgeous Frozen™ things that Pips would've loved today and I actually had to stop myself from buying them. I was walking around the shop with a sticker and glitter pens in my hand and realised when going to the till that I didn't need them

I simply can't begin to imagine how this first Christmas will be without her there. You must keep talking but also give yourself time to miss her too.

Promise that you'll keep posting about her, lots! It's so hard, not the same as your mum or mine but just so tragic and heartbreakingly sad darling lady xxx

Sorry if that's upset you, it wasn't my intention... I feel for you all. I really do xxx

Hey chip - how are you feeling after your break? You've been missed lovely :) xxx

Morning girls xx

Christmas my God I hate Christmas. I spend hours thinking about my dinner table.....all four of my precious sons here....my eldest three boys would have partners and maybe there would be more than just one grandchild? So 4 sons plus 3 partners plus grandchildren plus my parents and the 'three of us' as well. We would need two tables and loads of chairs!!!!

Instead there will be me, my hubby, my youngest son and my Mum. For the last 15 years my family and my parents have spent Christmas Day together. This year my Dad wont be physically here - I am not sure I 'can do it' but I have to and I will with a pinned on smile.

I dont remember at least two Christmases after we lost Gareth and then Matthew....have no idea what we did or what happened. Life is a crock of shite poo.

Sending my thoughts and love to all of you at this revolting time of the year xxx

Morning girls xx

Morning all b

Hey mouseface not doing too badly, thank you. Slightly wobbly weekend as I was at a party for dh's niece who is the same age as Sylvie-Rose should be. The toys and little-girl outfits got to me, I have to admit.
Christmas IS hard. The boys are so looking forward to it so I am trying not to be the Grinch but it really is difficult. Hard not to compare it with The Christmas That Should Have Been.

Thinking of you all

Afternoon girls.

Am going to my parents house tomorrow to sort out every room. Put the house on the market last week and it was sold within 2 days!! Am totally dreading it. There is a big cupboard in their bedroom that I know is filled with photograph albums and keepsakes. Somewhere in there is a little scratch mitt with Matts first 'lost' tooth in it.....and I know that wont be just the only thing that is going to reduce me to tears.

It has to be done and myself and my brother will do it...just dont want to

Hello. Another one dreading Christmas here - but first have the 'anniversary' and his birthday to get through.

chipmonkey hello - how old would sylvie-rose be now?

shabbs I hope today was not too painful, and I'm pleased that you were not alone in this task.

Hi everybody. Just touching base to say I'm thinking of you all. I haven't really had internet for a couple of weeks. Hope you're managing ok.

Morning girls xx

Worked for 3 hours yesterday just sorting all the drawers in Mums desk. So many memories....pics of my children that I had never even seen. I made a small amount of progress. We are getting a house clearance man in to take all the furniture which will make life easier.

Hope you are all OK - whatever the bloody hell OK actually is xxxx

Tomorrow is the day I do my sponsored hobbled/walk/crawl for Cancer and the BHF.

3 miles of not thinking about Charlie, Harry or George having 'no heartbeats'.

3 miles of not thinking of my Mum dying this time last year. (thank you for the gorgeous card cathpip it's gorgeous and will take pride of place as of Sunday)

3 miles of not thinking about being in agonising pain because of my back, hips, pelvis and knee.

3 miles of thinking about all of YOU wonderful people and THAT plus my gorgeous husband will keep me going...... I will raise the funds, I will change lives. Because I want to :)

Thank you all for being so kind, I'm off to bed now, I'm shattered and feel sick.

Night lovely friends xxx

Good luck Mouseface - very proud of you.

Miss my Dad tonight and my sons and all the important people I once had in my life who are sadly no longer here.

Am getting slowly and quietly drunk. Dont do that very much anymore but just need to tonight. Life is too piggin' hard sometimes.

xxxx

Hi there,

I've been lurking for a while and I'm hoping you're ok with me joining in. You guys seem like such a tight group and you've gone through some real heartache and I don't want to intrude. I lost our baby boy in August of this year at 40 weeks. My placenta ruptured in the middle of the night and I knew instantly he was dead. Some days I just want to give up but then I read some of your stories of love and courage and it takes me through another day.

Xxxxxa

Welcome Anna.....glad you found us but so sorry you had to. Sadly we are not a small group of bereaved Mums. Very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious boy. You are not intruding. We have all lost our precious children - some of us more than one child, daughters, sons, young and older. We all try to help each other walk this crappy path xxxx

Little boy would've made 2 in December. He's only been gone 3 weeks. Miss him so much.

Thank you shabbs, it is such a great support to hear your words. Yes there are many of us grieving our children, too many. I guess I'm still in some parts in disbelief. Some days I just can't think that this happened to us. Holding your dead newborn isn't something you can be prepared for. He was so perfect and beautiful, a plump little guy with a head full of brown hair. Rips my heart out of my chest. So much love to all the women on this thread for braving to live on. You are all incredible. Xxa

Did you have a name you had picked for your little lad Anna?

I better get off to bed....see you all in the morning xxx