Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

What a beautiful day Mia. So glad to hear the anger has dissipated.

Lily, I get the feelings you talk about sometimes but not always. My hobby is creative and that has been my meditation of sorts which often lets me forget the world, my terrible loss and focus on something highly repetitive. I don't get those feelings when undertaking it. More when I am out and about doing an activity and my wish for her to be with me floods over me.

Afternoon girls xx

Hi everyone and thanks Lily for showing me this thread. I've not had a chance to read all your stories but I know we have a common bond..sadly. My DS (20) took his life last month and I'm still a bit numb.x

sscott a warm yet sad welcome. I hope you find some comfort here x

Morning girls xx

Glad you found us Sscott just sad that you had to. So very sorry to hear about your DS - there is no death so sad as that of a child (no matter their age).

I lost two of my 4 DS's.....one 32 years ago - a twin boy who died at the age of almost 7 months from the massive heart problems he was born with....then 22 years ago my DS3 (aged almost 8) was knocked down and killed by a reversing lorry.

You will always have support on this thread - it has been running for approx 8 years and has been my lifesaver at times. xxxx

Sscott - welcome to a place of solace and sadness, tears and tantrums, screaming and silence, laughter and love. I don't post much but I read all the time.

I'm so very sorry that your son took his own life. 'Numb' is one of many feelings that we've all been through here, be gentle with yourself. xx

Welcome Sscott, am so sorry you have joined us. mouseface I'm waving frantically, how are you my lovely?.
I am down south currently cuddling one of my sisters twin girls, they don't look like Pippa which I am so happy about, and the lead up to the visit was far worse than actually meeting them! Hope everyone is well and taking things easy.

Hi Sscott. Glad you've found your way here. Wish you didn't have to be here. Wish none of us had to be here. Mouseface has expressed beautifully the essence of our thread.

for you all.

cathpip - I've been thinking of you lots and the move from your old house to your new home. I really hope that the butterflies stay with you until you no longer need them.

I once went to a butterfly house and the guide told me that if one lands on you, it means you are blessed by angels.... I had three that day. All I could think of was Charlie, Harry and little George. Such delicate whispers of hope, fragile glimmers that you hold onto..... xxx

Cathpip - cross posted. I am so very pleased that you are holding one of your nieces. As you said, the build up to holding a baby, a baby girl again.

But not just any baby girl, one who may have looked just like Pips did at that age when she returned your gaze, had the same facial features as your baby girl, smelt like her, smiled like her........ maybe that was the one thing you dreaded more than anything else.

The fear of the unknown?

Assuming that you'd crumble and fold into a heap on the floor or have to excuse yourself too many times because you yearned to be that mother again, holding a baby girl... just once more, one last time with her, your darling girl.

I think most of us would feel like that in your shoes my lovely. Getting embarrassed and upset by your own feelings may also have played a part in the fear, a very real fear, of finally meeting your nieces face to face, and holding them? No way!

I'm so very proud of your bravery and strength, and you should be too!

Me? I'm in physical agony with my back, hips, knee etc due to the damp, cold "missley" rain we're having just now. I sound like old floorboards when I move and click and crack each time I move!

So nice (maybe the wrong word) to be part of this group. Shabbs I'm so sorry for your losses but glad that we can all support each other.
Thank you Cathpip Mouseface Kayleigh Lily xx

Sscott - a sad welcome. I feel for you and the terrible loss you have suffered. The loss of a child, no matter what the circumstances, can be unbearable at times. The support on this thread has been invaluable to me and I hope you find the same.

To all the others, either regular posters or readers hello. I hope you are all managing as best you can.

Things aren't too hectic in my world at the moment. Just getting on with things as we all have to.

/emo/te/thanks.png

That was meant to be flowers Mojito. Can't get the hang of these smileys x

Pippa found me again, my sister and I were having lunch with some of her friends at the local childrens centre and a butterfly joined us. My sister was "oh wow a butterfly at this time of year and indoors" I just said it's Pippa, 27 now indoors since she died, I know it's her I had one last week in the hut on top of a cold windy North York moor whilst I was grouse beating. :)

cathpip

Morning girls xx

Cathpip how beautiful - I love butterflies. xxx

How beautiful cathpip and how amazing.

Sscott - thinking of you at this terribly sad time.

Thanks Mojito having a 'better' day. Can I ask what's your story?

Hi Sscott, I wrote a message on your other thread but welcome to this one too. So sorry you find yourself walking the same path. I'll admit to not posting on here very often but I still lurk. Sometimes it takes all my energy to get dressed in the morning ...

I've had a very difficult few weeks but I just came and sat out on the terrace and saw ... A butterfly! As I've mentioned previously in another post, I've only ever seen a couple of butterflies here and that was years ago. I stopped my husband mid conversation and said 'I have to post on Mumsnet'! It fluttered around the plants for a few seconds then flew away again. It's put a smile on my face.

Louster - sorry to hear how hard it has been over the past few weeks. I hope you lurk here often as I find the understanding of all incredibly supportive. It's such a shame we understand the loss of a child but knowing others are out there and just "get it" really has helped.

Sscott - I lost my beautiful DD 5.5 years ago now. Her dad took her life in the most horrific of ways. She was 4 at the time she passed. I think the loss, no matter how it occurs is achingly sad, and something we now all have to live through.

Butterflies are well recognised as gifts from angels, form our children.... the gentleness of their wings, the way they grace us with their presence.

They follow your hearts and they give you a lift, a glimmer of hope, a smile, a 'nod' because you know that butterfly has been sent to you, for you, almost like a messenger to tell you that the one you have lost is with you still.... they don't always stay forever but I still see groups of three white, blue tipped butterflies every few months.... I know my boys come back. I feel them. It's not something that you can put into words, you just know.

They appear so ethereal and fragile, and there is an old Irish saying that “Butterflies are souls of the dead waiting to pass through purgatory.”

I think they are very personal to each of us. I know that my boys love our garden, it won't be long before we'll be putting their Christmas lights around their tree.

I often sit and think about what they'd be doing now, other than being picked up from school!

Be back soon. Take care of your hearts lovely friends xxx

Mojito100 I am so sorry for your loss in such circumstances although as you say any loss is achingly sad. I still have that picture of finding my DS though I hope some day good memories will prevail.
What's your daughter's name? x

Morning girls xx