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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

973 replies

shabbs · 13/04/2014 13:49

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

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Original poster
shabbs · 05/08/2014 08:53

Morning girls xx

4 months today since my precious Dad died.......my only consolation is that I know he is with my sons. Feels like 40 years and, at the same time, 4 seconds since I last saw him. xx

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kayleighferrie1985 · 05/08/2014 11:12

Lily i have to agree with that quote.

Thinking of you today shabbs
xx

thedaymylifestoodstill · 05/08/2014 12:13

Hello all
I've been lurking for a while, just getting on with the day to day grind. Hello to any who've joined, kayleigh, hello! And hello to everyone else.

I have been thinking of you all. Small steps, small steps.
xxx

Mojito100 · 05/08/2014 14:25

Perfect timing Theday. I was hoping things were tracking along as good as they can for you. Had missed your posts.

I'm semi lurking too as I am getting on with things but also frantically busy at work and have DS2 who has regressed significantly so barely holding it all together.

Original poster
shabbs · 06/08/2014 09:55

Morning girls xx

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cathpip · 08/08/2014 02:00

It's 1am and I am wide awake again :(. I think of the most odd things at this time of night. It has occurred to me that in the 17 weeks since Pippa died we have had 14 butterflies in our house, all red admirals, this has never happened before, and Pips so loved "butterfrys". Wishful thinking and mind wandering on my part probably, but they do make me smile.....

kayleighferrie1985 · 08/08/2014 10:38

Cathpip i too have been seeing lots of butterflies in the past weeks. Someone told me that it's a good sign to see butterflies after a loved one has passed so i take comfort in that. xx

HeavenlyE · 08/08/2014 20:19

Hello everyone

Has been a while since I posted - been away for a bit, which I appreciated - I think it was just not having to interact with anyone or to put a mask on, which I had started to find exhausting. Unfortunately I will have to get back to 'real life' soon enough.

Lily I found myself nodding to your post about 'the mask' - I find I wear it more and more, there are few people I can be open with. At the moment, I just want to lock my grief away in a box, it feels overwhelming otherwise.

Cathpip that is heart warming about the red admirals. I do take signs where I can.

Mojito how is DS2 doing? Hope you are ok x

Original poster
shabbs · 09/08/2014 14:53

Afternoon girls xx

I adore butterflies - my Matt even loved moths!!! He used to say 'dont be scared of them they are just night time butteflies!!'

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Mojito100 · 10/08/2014 14:08

I adore butterflies too. We released them at DD's funeral and now they hold such a special place in my heart. Good to hear from you heavenly and I hope you have had time to recharge a little. DS2 was doing well until a month ago when the wheels well and truly fell off. I fear for him in his future. It scares me to think he may go so far off the rails I lose another child. I just wish I could take the pain away and all his anxieties. I'm trying all I can. As lily noted you really don't know how strong you are until you have to be.

Shabbs, I can't believe 4 months have passed already. I hope things have settled with your mum.

kayleighferrie1985 · 10/08/2014 16:00

Sorry to hear DS2 isn't doing too well mojito xx

Original poster
shabbs · 12/08/2014 08:12

Morning girls xx

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kayleighferrie1985 · 12/08/2014 11:43

Morning everyone, difficult day for me as it's my beloved grandad's anniversary. 16 years he's been gone and recently there's been times i could have done with one of his hugs :(

Hope life is being kind to all xx

thedaymylifestoodstill · 12/08/2014 21:57

Evening all.

Mojito, Im hoping today has been a bit gentler for you. Do you have lots of support with your DC?

Kayleigh, hugs to you :(

Heavenly, I am glad you had some time to be 'just you' the way you want to be. I hate the mask some days.

Lily, Paddy and you all have been in my thoughts. I know the anniversary is incredibly tough. I hope you were able to remember him, surrounded by your loved ones.

Hello to everyone else xx

thedaymylifestoodstill · 12/08/2014 22:03

Cathpip, also hello! I didn't mean to leave you out -sorry. Have you been able to sleep any better at all or is Elliot still up a lot in the night. Gorgeous little Pippa, I think about her a lot.

I've been reading some of the other similar threads currently on here, from posters who know someone who has lost a child/baby and they're asking advice. It makes me feel so sad to know of more families going through this. Feeling lonely and looking at other happy families knowing that it'll never be the same. it feels just too hard sometimes, doesn't it.

Hugs to you all x

Triumphoveradversity · 13/08/2014 07:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
shabbs · 13/08/2014 09:40

Morning girls. xx

Thinking about all of you xx

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Mojito100 · 13/08/2014 15:14

Feeling blue today. I don't have much emotional support really but that may be my own fault for bottling things up. It's hard to share your innermost thoughts. Being a single parent and working full time is hard as so many know. Work is especially tough at the moment so I feel like i am under valued there and then I come home to be a mum and as you all know, on most days you don't feel valued at home either. A simple well done would go such a long way but considering I am surrounded by men at work and home I'm confident that just isn't going to happen. Like the rest of you I'll get up and get on with it again tomorrow.

kayleighferrie1985 · 13/08/2014 20:43

Mojito sorry life isn't being kind to you right now, i hope things improve soon for you.
Hope all are as ok as can be xx

Mojito100 · 13/08/2014 22:22

Thanks Kayleigh. Having lost a child/loved one I think you notice so much more the ups and downs of life. I certainly do and I find the dips are deeper than before my DD passed. You are right it will "improve" if that is the right word but as you would know those down times can take so much effort to push through. Keep going forward is my motto so that's what I'll do.

kayleighferrie1985 · 13/08/2014 23:07

That#s a good motto i think mojito, and yes the down times now take that bit more effort to get through. I've been tonight to book my "memorial" tattoo for Ben. As my gran says, we keep plodding on x

Original poster
shabbs · 14/08/2014 08:28

Morning girls xx

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Mojito100 · 16/08/2014 15:50

Morning all. Hope you are all getting on as best you can. Not so blue today. There have been so many pressures with just day to day stuff that I let one go on Friday. Work had been getting me down a bit so I offloaded some of my worries and gave feedback to my boss. He's a great guy and I had sat on it for awhile until I had a clear purpose snd outcome. It was a good conversation and he took on board the feedback I gave but we also got some solutions to the challenges. One small weight lifted. Have a lovely weekend.

Original poster
shabbs · 17/08/2014 12:15

For whatever strange reason I just posted this on an old thread!! Hmm Think I am losing the plot!!

Just been looking through the tributes for Robin Williams.....the one that stood out more than any is a quote from the film 'Jack' that he starred in. It has taken my breath away...............

These words from "Jack" now seem more poignant than ever: "Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did

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Mojito100 · 17/08/2014 14:18

Shabbs. That is beautiful and so apt for all. His passing has touched so many.